I finally realized the one event that has caused all my problems.

[Pale Blue Dot]

When I was five years old, I was on a plane to Chicago, and I very clearly saw a woman breast feeding her baby. I didn't realize how much this one event transformed me, but I'm here to tell you that by the time I was 13 I was spending about 90% of my time thinking about breasts. I am now 38 years old, and I still can't get through a day during which I don't think about breasts about 400-500 times. :cry:

DU women, if you ever meet me in person, you can blame that salacious breast-feeder on my first flight for the fact that I can't look you in the eyes. ;(