A question for the 50+ DUers on getting old /rant

[hyphenate]

In 36 days, I will be 51. Now I know of a lot of DUers over 50 who say it's wonderful, great, and all that fun stuff, but I'm going through a bit of hell. I feel, at my age, that I should have accomplished something more than I have, and that at no time in my past have I ever felt I've done what I could have done, and that in many ways my life has been nothing but a big waste of time.

Granted, my health is not great and I've been getting progressively worse in that department, but even when everything was hunky-dory, I don't think that I'd acquired any real satisfaction with how things have gone. So I guess this is like a "midlife" crisis, only it seems more like a "2/3life" crisis or a "3/4life" crisis and that there really isn't enough time (or energy) for me to change things very much.

HOW does one get to the point of being satisfied with their place in life, even when there isn't much cause to be satisfied? No children to brag about, no husband(s) to rant about, nothing awe-inspiring to be proud of, and nothing really much that made any real difference to a waiting world.

Perhaps someone will hand me the line about George Bailey, or about the people who might have, at one time or another, benefited from a kind word or whatever, but certainly I don't feel like I've done anything that anybody else couldn't have done. And while I might have had a great idea or two in my lifetime, I am reconciled to the fact that I have had nothing but a mediocre life, and that there isn't much energy or strength in me to change that in this lifetime.

One of my problems is that I know I COULD have done better: with a high IQ and an ability to learn fast, there were times that I could have excelled in a wide variety of ways, but I was lazy and took the easy way out. And now, looking back, it appears that if you take the easy way out too many times, you end up with nothing to show for it, and little to hold you over through your end days.

Anyhow, I'm just kind of frustrated at this point, and looking in the mirror the tired cliche of "not getting any younger" keeps coming into my mind, and a constant nagging that the best years are not only behind me, but lost in the eternal mists of time.

I hope I'm not depressing anyone else--I just am feeling way too ancient, and not having enough wisdom or accomplishment is only making me feel older.