Reply #15: When I read stories like this I get incredibly angry...

[AnneD]

not at the mom as much as the way our society holds women to such a higher standard. She was a single mom trying to have a night out. The kids were asleep-she gets arrested. Society says she's a mom, she should know better.

Dad forgets to drop baby off at day care. Goes in to work baby dies of heat in car. No charges filed.Society says he's a man what do you expect when it comes to managing kids.

The fact that one child has special needs makes it more paginate. Were was society when she maybe needed a break.

:rant: the following is a personal rant that illustrates the double standard of society

For most of my daughter's life I was a single mom. Ex never came around and I never got a break OR support during the first 4 years of her life. But I got plenty of condemnation with every news story or half baked scientific study that came along. "Children of single mom's are more likely to.....fill in the blank." I finally divorce the man(and I use THAT term loosely)and got a minuscule amount of child support. I was gracious enough to not sue for back support. It was a small amount and I never went back to get it adjusted in 10 years. If I needed more money for us, I worked extra.

Fast forward, daughter is 13 and in full blown puberty. I remarry a good man-but it is not her dad so she has a teen equivalent of a temper tantrum. Ex sues for custody on trumped up causes which were unfounded and recanted after the judges decision. In the end, current hubby was too dark and didn't make enough money for 'acceptable society'. (even my Mom commented on that).

Now my ex has lived with his mom all but 2 years of his adult life. Has only held a paying job for a little over 1 year of his life after college. He is self employed but I have had hobbies that paid more. He was 45 at the time of this case. HE GOT CUSTODY-EVEN THOUGH I HAD OVERWHELMING EVIDENCE THAT MINE WAS THE BETTER HOME. I was more disturbed that the court and society held this scum up as an acceptable male role model for my daughter-instead of the kind man that works his fingers to the bone to provide for his family-like my current hubby.

And for this privilege, the courts, society takes a full 50% of my salary-because after all I am the responsible. Hubby and I have had to work extra just to stay afloat. And did ex responsibly save any of this money to pay for daughter's college since his mom's home is paid for and he is still living at home? No, the only money my daughter has is the extra 20-30 dollars a payday that I squeezed out of the budget over the last 4+ years.

I love my daughter-but told her at the time that this decision meant that I could not save for her college (at the time 4 years ago I was saving 550 in a retirement account that I could borrow against), all I could do was pay lawyers and then child support. It didn't seem to matter then, but now that she has seen her dad close up and wants to go to a nice college-she has realized the folly of what she did. When the support ends-I will not be able to help her as I have to build my retirement. She will be on her own and she knows that. I wish her the best and will help her when I can.

I am not bitter, what has happened, happened. As I said, I am mad that this example was placed in front of my daughter. I am angry that because I had always been responsible-I got reamed in court.

The only joy I have is that ex will no longer be sponging off me (and I think daughter won't put up with it). He is up to his eyeballs in credit card debt and has no retirement and will have to live on SS. His mom will die soon and he will have to spit the estate at least 3 ways-maybe he will get even less.

Hubby and I are still together and look forward to the rest of our lives together. My daughter visits me not out of a sense of duty and respect-but because she enjoys my company (as I have always enjoyed hers). I have had to work hard these last 4 years to undo the damage that Society and the courts have done to our relationship. She has apologized to hubby for the hurt she caused him. We work hard to maintain good relations.

One thing that society should fear is women like me. I no longer give a rat's ass what 'society' thinks. I am past child bearing, I have taken some damn tough blows, and I am still here, and I am pissed at the way 'society' are treating the least among us. I could very easily be lumped with Code Pink or the grey panthers. And the numbers of women like me are growing every day. Men tend to slow down as the get older-women just get pissed off. We will have some interesting times ahead.