Reply #66: I've had many...

[rbnyc]

...relationships like this in my teens and twenties. I am still friends with a few. Those who I'm no longer in touch with...nothing bad happened, just normal drifting apart.

I think, for young, responsible people who practice safe sex, "friends with benefits" relationships are great. As long as all parties are honest about their feelings and expectations, there's really nothing to be had but fun. The only thing to watch out for (besides pregnancy and disease) is if one person is really hoping the arrangement will evolve into something "more." Then you really have to draw the line clearly and avoid all hanky panky.

The reason I include "young" in my list of prerequisites is that I think, in general, at a certain age a person may want to opt in to a monogamous, committed relationship with someone who shares your goals, if things like having a family, owning a home and planning for retirement are important to a person, one is likely to find that these are more easily accomplished within a partnership that is not complicated by sex outside the relationship.

My husband is a bit jealous of one of my old friends with benefits buddies. He thinks that we, over time, really fell in love and didn't know how to make the transition in our relationship, and just never talked about it until it was too late. It's actually true, but I would never act on it, unless I wanted to leave my husband, which I don't...so I have distanced myself from this friend.

Otherwise, my husband usually assumes that if I've known a person for more than 15 years, I've had sex with that person, man or woman, and he has no problem with that. I don't have any regrets either. I've said many times, I'm glad I enjoyed myself when I was young and hot! :evilgrin: