Reply #89: We've actually just done it.

[Chovexani]

It's been a little over a month, and it's worked out really well so far. I think one of the reasons it's so natural for the three of us is because we've all been close for a long time. I've known the BF and GF for almost six years. I hooked up with my GF first, and it was honestly one of those things where everyone knew we were perfect for each other, we just had to realize it ourselves. :) We've been together about four months. BF's actually been in love with me for years and just never said anything, because for a good chunk of it I was monogamously involved with someone and when I broke up with him, I was kind of bitter on men and not wanting to date any. We hooked up about two months ago with the GF's blessing, and I had a feeling then that it would eventually turn into a triad. We just mesh that well together. She hooked up with him about a month ago.

It's not a perfect situation; we're dealing with distance, and this is the first attempt at poly for both my partners. BF is one of those geeks that has a hard time communicating, but he tries really hard and GF is seemingly infinitely patient, which helps a lot. Jealousy really hasn't been an issue, but all three of us are real comfortable in our skin and with each other. Mostly they are adorable and make me squee. :)

I've done various kinds of poly before, and it just works for me. I'm one of those folks that just can't be monogamous no matter what--I'm just not wired for it. It's not even about sex for me, really. I can (and do) fall in love with more than one person at a time. I would much rather be in a situation where I'd be free to explore those feelings rather than constantly suppressing them and being miserable and then end up cheating. I cheated on people in the past because of that, I'm not proud of it at all, and it wasn't due to anything lacking in the relationship. I was just impulsive and selfish and ignorant of options besides forced monogamy.

The key to really understanding polyamory is the idea that love is not something that's finite; I am madly in love with my BF but that in no way lessens what I feel for my GF, which is even stronger. It's definitely not for everyone, and I'm not one of those obnoxious polys that thinks I'm more enlightened or evolved or whatever for it. It's complicated and requires a lot more of a person and for some it's just not worth the hurdles they'd need to overcome. But it's good for us. :)