Reply #92: I've been both cheater and cheated on

[Chovexani]

And I have to say I'd rather know about it, so I can know what I do to process it.

I cheated once, in a couple different relationships. I'm not proud, I'm still extremely ashamed of myself. Both times I came clean about it because I couldn't deal with the crushing weight of the guilt. The one time, it was over a result, and it was best for both of us. The second, he forgave me, and we stayed together about five more years without any further incidents (we ended up breaking up over other stuff). I was in my teen years back then, which is the only excuse I can give for my awful behavior.

I am a firm believer in communication, communication, and more communication. So I can't ever get on board with the idea of "sparing pain". I don't think ignorance is bliss. The foundation of trust is honesty, and if you're dishonest then the relationship is based on an illusion and that's no way to do things.

IMHO, YMMV, etc.