Reply #15: This cheap bottle of Mumm Champagne

[Call Me Wesley]

did already cost me $700. Then the wanted me to buy them even a cheaper one, called Dom Pérignon at $1200.

Me: "Don't you have a Krug, Clos du Mesnil? No? Cristal? Something I can drink and offer to you?"
SandËe: "Oh, we thin it with Orange juice anyway. Doesn't matter to us as far as it is bubbly."
Me: "Orange juice? You know what it 's made of, do you?"
LIndée: "Oranges?"
Me: "No. Orange flavored water. They grow them in California, and when they're ripe, they squeeze their juices into little glass jars, sending it off to Nèstle to analyze. Then their chemists come up with a surrogate of Orange flavor, and they need only one drop on a gallon of water. A good friend, Dr. Benway, told me so."
SandËe: "Just buy the bottle, and you'll have the night of your dreams!"
Me: "If I'm dreaming, I'm mostly asleep. You want me to sleep right here? This cheap imitated leather might do the trick, but I do snore."
LIndée: "Can't you just have fun?"
Me: "Sure I can. Funny you ask, since I have a fake nose with Groucho glasses with me. If I put these on, we'll have lots of fun!"
SandËe, chewing her gum, strawberry flavored: "At least I hope it's a big nose?"
Me: "It's a Groucho nose. I look like Kant wearing it."
LIndée: "Jack Kant was here yesterday, and he bought the champagne!"
Me: "Was he playing soccer before? He only drinks champagne after a good play."
LIndée: "You're weird."
Me: "No I'm not, I'm just rational."

Well, it wasn't really a fun night after all. I had to put on my Groucho glasses, read Sartre's 'Being and Nothingness' to them while they threw peanuts at me. Then they made me dance to ABBA.

I'll never drink Mumm again ...