Reply #55: Well...

[The Doctor.]

For most people, the ability to 'separate emotions from physical acts' comes with maturity.

Also, sex is rarely emotionless. It's not a matter of merely 'separating emotions', it's a matter of recognizing and reconciling those emotions with the preferred or ideal state of the relationship. (staying 'just friends')

If you have a friend you share intimacy with, it is inescapable; you will develop deeper, more proprietary feelings for them. The psychology of sex is very primal and virtually impossible to escape through the 'separation of emotions'. Rather, the approach to those emotions must be balanced with healthy self-respect and independence... two fairly 'mature' traits... among others.

One test for this is to picture your friend being in a relationship and having sex with another man/woman, and understanding that their relationship likely shuts out any physical intimacy with your friend.

If at your deepest levels, you have no feelings of jealousy or loss whatsoever, and you can be strictly platonic with your friend for the rest of your lives, then you are past that threshold of maturity.

If, OTOH, you have even slight pangs, or you find that you are just 'waiting patiently' for his/her relationship to be over, then you have much more work (read; maturation) ahead of you before you can have healthy casual intimacy.


It's also a function on the heels of maturity to be honest with oneself and learn to come face to face with one's true feelings and motivations. Without that, one cannot experience casual intimacy with friends for long before things go badly.

I know exactly where I am on that scale, and although I consider myself way ahead of the curve in this category... there's still work ahead.

After all, the process of maturation is not a step, it's a journey.

Cheers. ;)