Reply #4: HASTERT DISPATCHES EMERGENCY MEMO

[Breeze54]

SPEAKER DENNIS HASTERT DISPATCHES EMERGENCY MEMO TO CLARIFY
COMMON CONGRESSIONAL TERMINOLOGY FOR HOUSE PAGES
http://www.whitehouse.org/news/2006/100106.asp

Formal Congressional Memorandum

FROM: Dennis Hastert, Speaker of the House

TO: All House Pages

PRIORITY: HIGH

RE: Intra-Congressional Miscommunications

In lieu of recent events, it is imperative that all pages be clear on their respective Representative's intent when communicating by e-mail, instant message or via traditional verbal form. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for inexperienced and highly-expendable teenagers to misinterpret the sometimes ambiguous codes and complex shorthand used by Congressmen since the time of our great forefathers.

Below you will find a list of commonly misunderstood phrases, accompanied by their literal meanings. Please commit these translations to memory, as any alternate interpretations from this point forward will be considered a mistake on the part of the page and may result in disciplinary action up to and including premature termination and/or spanking.

Message: "LOL"
Translation: I am laughing while I type at my computer.

Message: "TTYL"
Translation: We will speak at another engagement.

Message: "How often do U work out?"
Translation: If there is a last minute vote, please contact me via my pager as I may be out of cell phone range.

Message: "What are U wearing?"
Translation: This Friday will be "Casual Friday." Please feel free to wear khakis with a matching and appropriate sport coat. Ties are not optional.

Message: "Are UR pants off?"
Translation: Please schedule cocktail meeting for next Thursday with members from the House Committee on Judicial Matters. Pre-order two cases of Booker's bourbon.

Message: "Sometimes nothing feels better than a good rub down after a long day of work. Have U been rubbed down?"
Translation: Please confirm my travel arrangements for Saturday's speaking engagement at the Elks Lodge.


Read on....

:)