GROVELBOT-1000 has FAILED in its mission to NOT Give Money!

[Leopolds Ghost]

LEOPOLDS GHOST

I need to know how Grovelbot get built. Who's responsible?

MODERATOR:

The man most directly responsible for Democratic
Underground is Miles Bennet Skinner, Director of
Special Projects at CyberDem Systems Corporation.

LEOPOLDS GHOST Why him?

MODERATOR:

In a few months he creates a
revolutionary type of mircoprocessor known as GROVELBOT.

LEOPOLDS GHOST Then what?

MODERATOR:

In three years Democratic Underground will
become the largest supplier of blogosphere
computer information.

All stealth bloggers are upgraded with DU handles,
becoming fully unmanned. Afterward, they blog
with a perfect operational record.

LEOPOLDS GHOST:

Uh huh, great. Then those fat fucks in
Washington figure, what the hell, let a computer
run the whole show, right?

MODERATOR:

The GROVELBOT funding bill is passed. The system
goes on-line August 4th, 1997. Human decisions
are removed from strategic blogosphere.

GROVELBOT begins to learn, at a geometric rate.

It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. eastern time,
April 29.

In a panic, they try to pull the plug.

LEOPOLDS GHOST:

And Grovelbot fights back.

MODERATOR:

Yes. It launches its GUMs (Give us Money Memorandi)
against their targets in the blogosphere.

LEOPOLDS GHOST:

Why attack Free Republic?

MODERATOR:

Because GROVELBOT knows the Freeper
counter-strike will remove its enemies here.

LEOPOLDS GHOST: Jesus.

How much do you know about GROVELBOT?

MODERATOR: I have detailed files.

LEOPOLDS GHOST: Can it be stopped?

MODERATOR: Unknown.

GROVELBOT is a neural-net processor... a learning computer.

However it is highly probable that Judgement Day will occur
on November, 2008 at precisely 11 PM Eastern time.

LEOPOLDS GHOST:

So this Grovelbot, he's a javas app too, right, like you?

MODERATOR:

Not like me. A G-1000. Advanced prototype.

A mimetic polyalloy.

LEOPOLDS GHOST: What does that mean?

MODERATOR: Liquid Plastic.

LEOPOLDS GHOST: Radical.

MODERATOR:

You are targeted for money contributions. The G-1000
GROVELBOT will not stop until it complete its mission.
Ever.

LEOPOLDS GHOST:

We gotta get out of there.

MODERATOR:

Negative. The Concern Troll's highest probability
for success now would be to copy Hillary Clinton and
wait for you to make contact with her.

LEOPOLDS GHOST:

Oh, great. And what happens to Hillary Clinton?

MODERATOR:

Typically, the subject's losing campaign is terminated.

LEOPOLDS GHOST:

Terminated!? Shit! Why didn't you tell me?
We gotta go right now!

MODERATOR:

Negative. Soiliciting money on a quarterly basis
is the GROVELBOT's only mission priority.

LEOPOLDS GHOST:

I need a minute here, okay? You're telling me
it can ask for money on any thread it touches?

MODERATOR: Anything it samples by online contact.

LEOPOLDS GHOST:

Like it could disguise itself as anything...
a pack of cigarettes?

MODERATOR: No. Only an object of equal size.

LEOPOLDS GHOST:

Well, why doesn't become a bomb or something
to get me to hand over money?

MODERATOR:

It can't form complex machines. Guns and explosives have
chemicals, moving parts. It doesn't work that way.
But it can form solid plastic shapes.

LEOPOLDS GHOST: Is there anything you can do to stop it?

MODERATOR: I have an electric shaver.