An interview with Hillary Clinton, using only Yogi Berra quotes...

[scheming daemons]

Why did you loan your campaign $5 million?
HRC: "A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."

Yes... but, your campaign spent more money on donuts in the past month than any other campaign in history.
HRC: "I knew the record would stand until it was broken."

And what about the reports of extravagant expenses at places like the Bellagio in Las Vegas?
HRC: "The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."

Is this why you asked for the resignation of one of your campaign managers two weeks ago?
HRC: "I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?"

How do you respond to people who say your campaign lacks direction?
HRC: "If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else."

How do you cope with losing 11 straight contests?
HRC: "Slump? I ain't in no slump... I just ain't hitting."

But can you come back to win this thing?
HRC: "It ain't over till it's over."

Did Wisconsin hurt as bad as Iowa?
HRC: "It's like deja-vu all over again."

Let's change the subject a little. Why are you pushing the Rezko non-story so much?
HRC: "Even Napoleon had his Watergate."

But don't you have similar shady deals in your past to worry about?
HRC: "Half the lies they tell about me aren't true."

You seem to have many different pant-suits that you wear for events. Which is your favorite color?
HRC: "The only color I don't have is navy brown."

Let's talk about some issues. Why do you insist on saying that you never supported NAFTA?
HRC: "I never said most of the things I said."

OK. But how do you respond to people who still question your IWR vote?
HRC: "I wish I had an answer to that because I'm tired of answering that question."

Was your tirade yesterday genuine, or was it a calculated ploy, as the Obama camp claims?
HRC: "How can you hit and think at the same time?"

Why do you think you have failed at getting your message out?
HRC: "There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell 'em."

What do you think of the massive rallies that Obama has been having?
HRC: "Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."

But why haven't your own events generated as much excitement?
HRC: "If people don't want to come out to the ball park, nobody's gonna stop 'em."

But what do you think about the Obama campaign overall?
HRC: "The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."

But didn't your campaign tout your own inevitability?
HRC: "The future ain't what it used to be."

What went wrong?
HRC: "We made too many wrong mistakes."

What would you like to say to Barack Obama right now?
HRC: "You wouldn't have won if we'd beaten you."

That sounds like the beginning of a concession speech. If you end up conceding this race to Obama next week, what would be the theme of the speech?
HRC: "I just want to thank everyone who made this day necessary."



* Every quotation is a verified Yogi Berra quotation. Link here:
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/y/yogi_berra.html