Bullying- my kids being bullied.

[ejpoeta]

I posted this as a note on my facebook page and thought I would share it here.

I remember in school how rough it was. It didn't matter.... public school, catholic school.... it was all the same. I remember being spit on.... SPIT ON. or having my books thrown down the hall. Or the little comments... about my glasses, my hair, my clothes..... It was awful... day in and day out. being terrorized by other kids with no way out.

And of course I was told to ignore it and they would stop. Ignore it... sticks and stones will break your bones, but names can never hurt you. In retrospect, sure I can think those things. But as a kid I just didn't have the perspective I have now. Back then school was the better part of my life. I spent several hours every day there with those people. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Now, now I can think differently about that time. Now that I don't see any of the people who did those things back then. I can think about what might have motivated them to treat me as they did. Maybe if I wasn't the target they would be. Maybe they had low self esteem and treating kids like me badly made them feel better about themselves . Who knows. And I can let go of it now because with all the crap I have gone through in my life, that period was such a small part of it.

Here I am as a parent, having to watch my own child suffer bullying. And what can I do to stop it. I found myself telling her to ignore it.... can you believe it. Ignore it and it will stop.... yeah right. I knew that wasn't true when I said it. But the fact is, I don't really know what I can do to help her. I have told her that she is different and that makes her a target. She has a choice.... be like everyone else or accept that being yourself comes with these problems. They don't like anyone trying to be different. They will try to make you conform.

I am trying to raise a self confident, strong, intelligent young woman here. I am trying to raise a kid who doesn't follow the crowd... I like her the way she is. I have told her so. I don't want them to take that from her. Because in a few years, they will be gone and she will have to be able to do it on her own. She doesn't see that right now, but she needs to make her own choices for herself.

I am going to make an appointment to talk to the principal about this problem. I asked her if she wanted me to. My fear is that it would only make it worse for her. But she says she has told the teachers and nothing gets done. They hold anti bullying assemblies, but it sounds like in the end it's all a lot of bs. True, Emily may not be telling me the whole story. She has a history of problems throughout her schooling career. But I have to say I believe her.... and it makes me sad. Because she is a great kid who may not have the best skills relating to other kids her age. The things she likes aren't the same things the other kids like. Or maybe she does, but isn't good at expressing it....

It's all I can do not to just pull her out of there and try to protect her. But I know that won't solve the problem necessarily.