I'm in shock...

[SacredCow]

For those of you who saw my last couple of threads, you know that I was tested for HIV because of the indescretions of my partner/roommate/significant other... Well, he got his results back today and the news was not good. He tested positive for HIV as well as herpes viruses. Which, of course, means that I will continue to need to be tested, as all of this broke just back in November. So I'm not out of the woods yet, I don't think.

Right now I'm feeling so many conflicting emotions it's all I can do to not lose my mind. On one hand, I'm furious at him for playing Russian roulette with my health (and his own, for that matter) and REALLY furious that I will still have a cloud hanging over me for some months to come. But then again, despite all of that, I care about him and it breaks my heart to see him so devastated and beaten. I went with him to his doctor (at his request) and sat there as he got the news... Of course, the doctor was fairly positive about it, pointing out that people live out their lives more or less symptom-free these days. At the office, he was OK- kind of in shock, I think. But once we got in the car, he just collapsed into a heap on the seat. It was all I could do to get him buckled in and make the drive home as he sobbed and repeatedly apologized to me for everything he'd done.

At this point, I just don't know what to do. Personally, I'm still in shock. I wanted the testing for peace of mind- I was relieved when I tested negative, and just assumed that he would, too.

Thanks to all who've read this far. I just needed to vent, and I can't really talk to anybody around here because he hasn't told me yet what he plans to do about telling people. He got referred to a specialist, and was able to make an appointment for today (which is good). He wanted me to go, but I just needed some alone time.

I know he screwed up with regards to our relationship, but I'm requesting some good thoughs for him and what he's going through. Now, I need to either go lay down and cry or get mega-drunk. Maybe both.