Reply #10: With me:

[The Straight Story]

I left my X wife when I was about 30. Three kids here in Ohio. I went to CA to be with a 19 yr old woman.

The love of my life. Some damn great memories. But her parents were controlling. And it came to a head finally, and I needed to be back here in Ohio to see my little boys.

I met a wonderful red head (always felt that was destined - long story) and we moved back here to see my kids. X ran off with them, her and new hubby adopted them. And my X girlfriend whom I wanted to marry me let me know she was pregnant and wanted me to marry her.

Fast forward to now. Great wife and daughter. A daughter out west who does not know who I am. One woman I am compatible with out there, and another one here. My X wife has died, and I found my kids. Oldest son is living with me, but is so messed up I have kicked him, his GF, and my granddaughter out (they leave next week).

So now I am looking to move back to CA, close to a woman I once thought I might be back with, close to a lot of dreams I let go, and totally in love with my wife and daughter.

My other two sons may never know me, or care to.

In love with two women, missing my kids, finding one of them and the others don't want to know me. Mom dying. Two close friends dying, and seven others I knew my whole life dying in last 2 years. Going from crap jobs to manager of a big data center - and giving it all up now to go back to the desert, so ill wife can be near family and I can pick up my dreams again. Even though I am not sure what they are fully.

I want all the dreams I had, and the new ones I made. But that is impossible. I want my past back, and I want my future to be one where I can give those I deeply love all they need.

You don't just stop loving someone, or you never really did. So I am torn between what was and could again maybe be, and what I have and want now - and both are in my heart.

No wonder I drink ;)