Grover Norquist Drowns in Bathtub

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Grover Norquist Drowns in Bathtub

Americans for Tax Reform head Grover Norquist reportedly drowned in his bathtub last Thursday in a freak accident that some witnesses describe as "an unfortunate confluence of mutually destructive events".

..."He was still alive when we got him down to the truck. We couldn't move for a while because those left-behind fifth-graders in the 14th Street After-School A-TAK Irregulars pinned us down with rocket launchers on a lunch money raid. Then we had to take him to four different HMOs before anyone would accept his insurance card. You know how long it takes to get around now that all the roads are just giant pools of mud? He'd stopped breathing by that time, maybe five hours later. Not that they could have done much at the HMO anyway, since the power was out again. Too bad none of us ever got any training in CPR."

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