Democratic Underground - Why I Hate Christmas

This time of year, with all the decorations going up, the sweet nip of frost in the air, and the ubiquity of festive holiday music everywhere you turn never fails to pluck at a certain heartstring, and create a certain feeling deep within me.

The feeling of bile rushing up my throat, eating away at my teeth as I force it back down my throat rather than let it spew forth, forgoing its purgative nature for public approbation.

You see, I hate Christmas.

I finally caved this year, setting up the tree in our new house because I know how much Christmas means to my husband (thank you, Jon Corzine) Bryan. This would be ironic in many people's eyes, that a Jew should be the one who celebrates Christmas in our family, but there is a reason that I included Oscar The Grouch's rendition of "I Hate Christmas" on my greeting card/cassette 13 years ago, the last time I bothered to do one.

Rather than suffer in silence this year, as I have for the past 37, I think it's finally time to outline exactly why I hate Christmas.

I should preface this by saying that I am not against other people celebrating Christmas, or Yule or Hannukkah or the Saturnalia or anything else they want to. I don't want anything at all banned or limited from the public square, as long as everyone is allowed onto that particular playground. However, I prefer not to celebrate and I want to explain to everyone why you should not be offended if I do not wish you a Merry Christmas.

1. It has nothing to do with Christ

You read me correctly there. Christmas has absolutely nothing to do with Christ. If we are to believe the Nativity as reported by Luke, there is no way that shepherds were in the field with their flocks in late December, during one of the longest and coldest nights of the year in Bethlehem. Luke's report would suggest that Christ was born in the spring or summer. Add to that the best astronomical reports we have from the time period and tracing back with current knowledge would put the phenomenon known as the "Star of Bethlehem" (actually most likely a comet) in the spring of AD 4, which would coincide with the reigns of Herod the Great and Augustus, both of whom play roles in the presence of Joseph in Bethlehem and later in Egypt.

No, the holiday we celebrate today as Christmas comes from the efforts of the early Church to make itself more acceptable to Roman converts, and to "redeem" a pagan holiday. The 25th of December, approximately the time when it's observable that the solstice has passed and the nights are getting shorter, was celebrated in pagan Rome as the feast of Sol Invictus, the unconquered Sun. Coins and bas reliefs made in this god's honor show a young man with light radiating out from behind his head. Sound familiar? The early Christian church co-opted this festival as the birth of Christ, instead of the birth of the sun (and longer days). Ironic that this created, over a thousand years before the English language evolved, the pun when the unconquerable sun was replaced with the unconquerable son.

Everything we associate with Christmas is co-opted from other holidays, too. Romans gave gifts during the Saturnalia (right before the winter solstice). The Celts and many Germanic people celebrated the solstice with evergreen trees and boughs, symbolic of the victory of life over death. St. Nicholas, despite being the actual Patron Saint of pawnbrokers - an appropriate connection with our modern Christmas, is actually a corruption of a fairy figure that left candy for good children and carried bad children away as slaves.

Other than the few proper religious displays, and of course Masses and services, there is nothing Christian about Christmas. No wonder the Puritans tried to ban it.

2. It causes very un-Christian behavior.

Look at these "War on Christmas" people, who see this holiday as nothing more than an excuse to do fund raising to hold alleged pagans at bay. Look at people stampeding over each other on their way into toy stores, fighting over the last Wii. Think of all the hypocrisy shown by people who stab each other in the back 364 days a year, who pat each other on the back one day a year because it's allegedly Christmas. Sound Christian to you? Because it doesn't to me!

3. Even if it is a Christian holiday, it's not an important one.

The entire underpinning of Chistianity (as a faith, not a philosophy) is not the birth of Jesus, but his death! For God so loved the world He gave his Only Begotten Son, so that Man should not die but have eternal life. Christ did not need to be born, but he did need to die. The most important feast in Christianity (and any Christian worth their salt will tell you this) is the Feast of the Resurrection (improperly known as Easter, another pagan holiday we co-opted, although we do know the day Christ died - the first night of Passover - and celebrate it around that time).

Bishop Sheen, years ago, blasted "pop" portrayals of Christ like in "Godspell" and "Jesus Christ Superstar" as diminishing the most important (faith-wise) aspect of the Christ story: his death and resurrection. He said (and I'm paraphrasing because my mother lost my collection of Bishop Sheen recordings from when he spoke here in Vineland when I was very little) that what we should be focusing on is not Jesus Christ, Superstar, but Jesus Christ, Super Scar.

We spend about 24 days (more or less) celebrating the oncoming "birth of Christ." Conversely, we spend 40 days celebrating the coming of his martyrdom and another 53 days after that celebrating his Resurrection and the coming of his Spirit. Which do you think is more important?

4. It's depressing.

There's a reason that more suicides happen around Christmas than any other holiday. It's a lonely time. Even without the effects of Seasonal Affective Disorder to contend with, the whole "loved ones near you" thing can underscore just how alone we usually are. All the saccharine fake jolliness and ho ho ho really weigh down on those with depression. When you're feeling blue, even a little bit, people shoving "be of good cheer" down your throat is roughly equivalent to having someone walk up and scream "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" in your ear?

Then pile on the consumer aspects of the holiday. If it weren't for the fact that I don't really give many gifts when times are good, I'd be very depressed about not having money for presents this year. Thus, I can sympathize with people who have been touched inappropriately by the economy this year and feel bad that they can't share the Joy because they think it has to come in a foil wrapped box with a pretty white bow.

There you have it, in a nutshell. Why I hate Christmas. It's fake, it's artificial, it's depressing, and it's really not that important. Yet everyone seems to think that it's some kind of glorious thing. It's not, so stop saying it is.

"The most wonderful time of the year?" Try when you have food in your belly, a roof over your head, health, happiness, people you love near you, and friends that care about you. The day you have that, no matter what day it is and no matter how many days it is, that, buddy, is the most wonderful time of the year!

Happy Humbug.

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