Dear Mr. Kelton (My reply to a letter I received from Vanguard today)

[Papa Boule]

This is a letter I received from Vanguard Mutual Funds today.



Here is my reply:

March 30, 2009

Colin Kelton, Principal
Retail Investor Group
Vanguard
P.O. Box 2600
Valley Forge, PA 19482-2600


Dear Mr. Kelton:

I am in receipt of your letter dated March 2009 requesting that I consolidate or add money to my low-balance (under $1,000) accounts to avoid having them closed.

Fuck. You.

We’ve had these accounts with you for years. The reason they are now low balance accounts is that you and your boneheaded investment managers pissed away their value by sinking them in Big Shitpile and taking them down with it. You lost the money; now you don’t want to be bothered with managing what remains of we Little Guys’ investments.

I had intended to patiently wait for the market to recover its value, which would have brought the value of these small fund investments back up. It seems you can’t be bothered to hold the money that long. You don’t want to be bothered with the little investors.

Fuck. You. And the dumbass horses you rode in on.


Sincerely,

(Papa Boule)