Reply #31: Edited Fan Letter from Hell

[Octafish]

Here's what I would've written if I had taken a few hours to reflect, BushDespiser12...

A Fan Letter from Hell

Dear George Jr.,

First off, I want to say that I am your biggest and Number-1 total and complete Fan. Ever. From the bottom of my heart and wallet, wherever they are, I want to thank you for all you and your family have done for our sacred Cause.

In the hour of our greatest need, your grandfathers helped finance our Party. They helped us rebuild and re-arm for the coming fight against the Bolsheviks. We couldn't even have imagined starting a war without them.

We also owe your ancestors and their friends an enormous debt for their inspiring work on Eugenics and racial superiority. The human experimentation was really something, too. And to think some believe our scientists came up with that one! Thanks for letting us keep the credit.

Your ancestors and their colleagues helped keep our planes, tanks and ships fueled during the Second Great War. It wasn't easy squeezing petrol out of coal, but we did it. Teamwork. And just like today with so-called "Alternative Energy," Big Oil owns the patents, if not the companies - lock, stock and barrel. Heh heh heh - there's that word again.

Even though things didn't turn out how we wanted, your family and friends' support was there after the war for us, too. Your ancestors and their colleagues welcomed as many of our officers and men as could be exfiltrated to safety and new lives serving the Cause in the West. That's why we never laugh at any joke where the punchline is "military intelligence."

Today, you — and members of your family and friends — continue the work of our sacred Cause. For instance:

Your Department of Justice serves as the Political Action Arm of Karl Rove. Its function: protect and reward friends, punish and destroy enemies. Along with political enemies, you jail drug users. As far as elections go, I can see where you got your ideas for helping push the process along with the Brooks Brothers "Brown Shirt" brigade up there in Florida. You even out your own spies as a warning to truth-tellers. We would just shoot them in our time, but in yours they must serve a higher purpose. That’s some Department of Just-Us. It is good to laugh, as well as to "move on."

Your excellent Domestic Policies have not merely left no child behind, you have left an entire nation of rabble behind. “De-regulation” coupled with your fiscal policies have served the interests of the monied class to the exclusion of the masses, including your bourgoise middle classes. Your Trickle-Down, Flood-Up policies have served to nearly bankrupt the United States Treasury and enrich your family and supporters’ accounts in the Caymans and Switzerland. Reverse-Robin Hood came in the disguise Tax Cuts that serve to lower the common person’s standard of living in the short- and long-terms. I must say the way you ignored the cries for help from the people of New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina was most devilish. Perhaps, best of all for the future, you have de-funded public education and funded Pentagon propaganda. Good thing you can keep printing those I.O.U.s to the dictators running China and Saudi Arabia.

In the field of Foreign Affairs you also show your true colors. “With us or against us” pretty much tells the world: “Fear Us. Support Us. Do what we Order. Or Die.” In the case of Iraq — a nation innocent of any role in the attacks of September 11 and posing no threat of any kind, let alone WMDs, to your country — you manufactured evidence of a threat and manipulated public opinion to support an illegal and immoral invasion and occupation. In the process, hundreds of thousands of Iraqi men, women and children have died. The cost in commas: the lives of more than 4,000 of your nation’s finest men and women and the health of untold thousands more. As a highlight, you more than quadrupled the price of oil, creating unimaginable wealth for your family and friends. "Money trumps peace." It sure does. Especially in these circles.

You must have learned the value of war from your terrestrial father. When he was in the Oval Office, his Operation JUST CAUSE in Panama killed 2,000 people who had nothing to do with Manuel Noriega’s CIA-affiliated drug pushing. Still, the guy was a witness and had to go. In Baghdad, Poppy's acting ambassador to Iraq gave a green light to Saddam Hussein, who then ordered his army to invade Kuwait. Then your dad's minions doctored satellite photographs in order to sell the lie to Saudi Arabia that they were next. In the process, oil prices and his Q-numbers went up like a V-2. Inspired! It also gave your Poppy all the excuse he needed to declare an end to the "VietNam Syndrome" and gun-boat-shy international policies his fellows' actions had created. With his work with Luis Posada Carriles on behalf of Operation CONDOR and who knows what else, I can see where you got your War on Terror creds.

Those were the days. And, thanks to you and yours, these are, as well. Truly, no one has brought together our two communities like your family and friends. Wish I had time to write more. The smell of sulfur means its time to get back to The Pit. Before I go, though, I must say:

No one has done more to harm America than you. Not Stalin. Not Mao. Not even all the dim-witted Kings of England. Not even me. You. You, George Walker Bush. You! You have done more to damage the Constitution and the safety, welfare and happiness of “We the People.” No one has done more to imperil human life on planet Earth. You are the Beast.

Thank you from the bottom of the space in my chest where my heart, I am told, used to be,

Yours in Eternity,

Uncle Adolf

The BFEE makes me very angry and I want them to stop ASAFP.

Thanks for giving a damn, my Friend!