Reply #21: I agree with cornermouse. Shame and guilt can be equally corrosive.

[hunter]

Empathy must be nurtured, first within a child by parents and other caregivers, and then (this being the only true sign of adulthood) within ourselves.

Punishment, self-inflicted or externally applied, poisons effective empathy. Both "guilt" and "shame" societies suffer individuals of limited empathy, individuals who have had their empathy poisoned by toxic guilt and toxic shame.

Imagine a kid who is gay. They might feel guilty and ashamed, and in either case those feelings are wrongly imposed upon them by their parents and their community. Child victims of sexual abuse often feel guilty and ashamed. In both these cases the feelings of shame and guilt are damaging to the child.

There's no better example of this than the dysfunctional hierarchy of the Catholic Church. The Church is both a shame and a guilt society and within this poisonous stew very damaged people who's empathy has been broken achieve and abuse positions of power.