Coroner Looks For Way To Shrink-Wrap Corpses

[Generic Other]

CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY

<snip>

Coroner Looks For Way To Shrink-Wrap Corpses

February 18, 2005

OLYMPIA, Wash. -- Officials in Washington state want to find a machine that can shrink-wrap something pretty big -- a human body.

The Thurston County Coroner's Office is on the hunt for a machine that can wrap human remains in plastic in case of a natural disaster or terror attack.

Officials said the process would make transporting a big number of bodies easier, while also sealing in biohazards like anthrax. And they said it's more respectful than letting bodies remain exposed as happened after the Asian tsunami.

The office has started the bidding process to see who can build such a machine, which is estimated will cost about $50,000. A Homeland Security grant will pay the bill.

http://www.kirotv.com/news/4213524/detail.html

[hilster]

1. no kidding

creepy stuff

[Generic Other]

3. I just saw the woman on the news pantomiming the process

She had this really ghoulish look about her.

Makes me wonder what they are anticipating around here.

[Dookus]

2. actually

that's a VERY smart idea.

[Generic Other]

4. The woman was describing an extruding machine that spewed

the dead into plastic tubes that could be shrink wrapped like goddamn candy canes!

I'd rather rot in the street thank you very much! Eeek!

[Dookus]

8. well you may prefer to rot in the street

but those cleaning you up might prefer you and your ebola to be shrinkwrapped.

I repeat, it's a very smart idea.

[Generic Other]

11. Me and my ebola?

Why don't you just pour me the kool-aid now? <shudder>

[truthisfreedom]

5. describing this as morbid is rather ironic.

[ashling]

6. Space Bags ! ! !

Billy Mays has made a bid for this project.
and they can use oxyclean in case of anthrax.

[MADem]

23. My thought was similar--giant SEAL A MEAL setups

It's sick, but there are a number of applications besides the obvious mega-disaster scenario. For example, you find a corpse that has been murdered, is indigent, can't be identified. If there were a way to preserve the evidence (we always see them digging up the grave, and they always say that vital evidence was lost due to decomposition, etc) with embalming PLUS shrinkwrapping, it might help forensic investigators.

It is a creepy concept, though...

[Zenlitened]

7. And you thought CD's were hard to open...

:evilgrin:

[DemoTex]

9. Look no farther than Heathrow Airport.

They shrink-wrap steamer trunks there. This ain't new shit here. But maybe assembly-line graves-registration is. Usually, the US military (especially during war-times) is the definitive expert in multi-corpse handling.

[physioex]

15. Sounds like a business plan......

You could potentially make millions for the next four years.

[jdj]

36. shoot, I can help, I've saran-wrapped myself before.

In the shipping department of my old job one night when I was bored.

I just stood in the middle of the spinning platform on the wrapper and let it wrap me up. All you would have to do is apply heat to make it real shrink wrap, and since they are dead, it wouldn't hurt.

[BrotherBuzz]

10. If they freeze-dry the Corpses...

they won't even need refrigeration.... Duck and cover, just an idea...

[Generic Other]

12. I think they plan to push the bodies into Mt, St. Helen's crater

I gotta quit watching the local news.

[BrotherBuzz]

13. Is that the Neptune Society's new economy plan?

[Why Syzygy]

14. Shrink Wrap, and ship and THEN?

:wtf:

This makes no sense. Why shrink wrap? Then your family gets to come pick you up in the produce aisle?

I want to be returned to the earth as dust / ashes.
Or eaten by wild animals in the forest (after death of course).

Our physical bodies will always be a part of this planet.
Do not want mine shrink wrapped or otherwise packaged.

[legally blonde]

16. I agree with you, votesomemore

I don't want my body to be shrink wrapped. And I don't want to be embalmed, either.

I think that it's a little weird that the Department of Homeland Security is picking up the tab, too. :tinfoilhat:

[Why Syzygy]

19. To all those laid to rest

in wooden boxes, my utmost respect.
Not for me.

I was a little taken aback when I saw the fires built with human bodies burn on the beaches after the tsunami.
But they have little land mass. No acres of cemeteries and ornate coffins and cement vaults, etc. etc.

As unfamiliar a scene as that was ... I know it is okay for them.

Much of the pomp surrounding "funerals" in this country has to do with the religious right's "rapture" fantasy.

The whole, "that's my body and I'm sticking to it" idea.
Reality. Not a religious right strong suit.

[Megahurtz]

17. Exactly.

I wouldn't want this government to put my remains through a meat grinder, then vacuum pack and freeze and whatever. Elch, morbid!

Knowing them they have some bright idea of hocking the body parts (BIG money for them) which will make the package look smaller to the deceased's relatives.

Nice cover.

[mordarlar]

24. I feel the same way. I want to become a flower. My body alone put in the

ground. Apparently this is illegal. My brothers promised to steal my body and bury me boxless under a tree lol

[Why Syzygy]

26. my ashes may be

taken to outer space.

This planet...another ... zero gravity.

As long as they don't plant me in a box.

I've never lived in a box. Do not intend to be dead in one.
Or plastic wrap.

[d.l.Green]

35. Same here. The post-Victorian American cemeteries are toxic dumps.

Let me rot anywhere but in plastic wrap... even though my body may die, my enzymes will still be around passing on life.

[jbnow]

18. There has to be some answer

I don't know they'd deal with identification.

It is creepy and them doing this now is creepy.

I don't want to be wrapped in plastic either, though it's better then embalming. We might prefer to have out corpse eaten by animals but it would horrify loved ones.

We heard so much about the stench of rotting flesh after the tsunami and I thought how sad that was too. No disrespect to the dead but we stink dead. Tragedy is sad and hard enough without the stench as a sickening reality and reminder.

Does the shrink wrap come in colors like plastic wrap does now? I look best in blue.

[SoCalDem]

20. This stuff works pretty well

[Hillary08]

21. Ewwwww! Corpse condoms! Yuck! n/t

[TaleWgnDg]

22. I can *see* it now . . .

To accommodate space requirements and health needs, local coroners through Homeland Security are requesting bids for a large sucking machine attached to a plastic body bag with a corpse inside. A body-bag shrink-wrap machine. Less air in the bag means less space requirements for containment and disposal as First Responders arrive to stack the dead bodies after a terrorist attack.

However, what happens to the toxins, biological or otherwise, that killed the dead person? For $50,000 these jokers actually believe that a containment system somehow affixed to this large sucking machine is possible to build to contain the hazardous toxins that killed these ppl?

How stupid is this?

[rainbow4321]

25. "A Homeland Security grant will pay the bill"

Now that I am done hurling my granola cereal over this article...

WTF??? Ok---so the Homeland funding is going to pay for shrink wrapping our remains?? We have a woman who gets a butcher knife onto a plane because of crappy security but, by gosh, we scrounged up some $$ to fund this....

Guess shrub has to come up with some way of hiding our dead bodies after he gets us attacked/killed...this way he can just rent a U haul and put a few million of us in the back while saying "um, yeah, 5 people died when the nuke hit a city of 2 million". How in God's name did we get to a point of having to worry about shit like this?? Oh, yeah, Black Tuesday..I forgot.

Soooo, who are the bidders?? Halliburton, Diebold "we fucked w/ your vote now we want to respectfully shrink wrap your ass", or Lockheed?

[Why Syzygy]

27. Lol

Soooo, who are the bidders?? Halliburton, Diebold "we fucked w/ your vote now we want to respectfully shrink wrap your ass", or Lockheed?

[Generic Other]

28. I think they should make each citizen carry his/her own bag

on our person at all times. It's a matter of being prepared.

I'm sure we could even get corporate sponsors if we let them put ads on the bags.

:scared:

[rasputin1952]

30. LOL...you made me recall the "Wear clean underwear" scenario...

carry your pre-packaged shrink tube in case you die and need to be cleaned up ASAP...:)

The truth of the matter is however, that this is a pretty good idea, containing pathogens is always a good idea.

It certainly does sound morbid though.

[Why Syzygy]

33. Containing pathogens

is always a good idea. I'm in favor of containing them BEFORE they reach being contained in a dead person.

Let's shrink wrap the pathogens instead, m'kay? :D

[Ilsa]

29. Giant Tilia Foodsavers!

With a huge roll. First you seal one end. Then you slide the corpse in, and vacuum-seal the other. Then stick in the freezer, just like my emergency casseroles!

I suppose the exhaust end of the vacuum would have to go through some sort of fine micron filter device.

[Generic Other]

31. You better get your bid in!

Before Halliburton.

[DU GrovelBot]

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[Ellen Forradalom]

32. Someone's got to think practically about these kinds of problems

May as well be the coroner.

[despairing optimist]

34. Just what DU needs. Another kinky Guckert/Gannon thread

This stuff's gotta go for more than $200 an hour, though.