My President is an Alien

[Demeter]

http://www.opednews.com/articles/opedne_bob_burn_060201_my_president_is_an_a.htm


February 1, 2006

My President is an Alien
by Bob Burnett


Because I’m a real American, I’ve watched a lot of Science Fiction movies. I’ve learned how to identify extraterrestrial baddies that weasel their way into the heartland. That’s why, when I was watching the President’s State-of-the-Union address last night, the truth finally dawned on me. George Bush is an alien...You may find this hard to believe. You’ve probably heard that the President behaves strangely because he’s Barbara Bush’s son. But consider this: Sci-Fi movies teach us five ways to identify aliens. Bush tests positive for all five... The first rule for alien detection is to recognize that they practice mind control.... The second rule for spotting aliens is to notice that they see things that none of the rest of us can see....

The third rule is that aliens don’t have the same values that we do. On Bush World, or wherever they came from, the President and his cronies only learned one rule: eat before you get eaten. That’s why they sneer at us for trying to help our fellow Americans, treating others folks as we would want to be treated ourselves. Their motto is, “What’s in it for me?” That’s why they hate us – they see our desire to help one another as a weakness.

The fourth rule for spotting aliens is to notice that they stick close together – they run in packs. Many have observed that George Bush doesn’t seem to listen to public opinion; he only gets counsel from a small group of cronies, and his mom. Well duh, he only hangs with his fellow aliens. Have you ever looked into the eyes of Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld? Scary, huh? One glance at their beady red orbs and you know the truth – they’re aliens....Have you ever wondered why the President doesn’t make real public appearances, but only speaks in carefully orchestrated settings where the audience is kept far away from him? That’s because he’s wearing makeup to hide his scaly skin and camouflage his fangs. Remember the candidate debate with John Kerry during the 2004 elections? TV cameras caught Bush with a mysterious lump on his back. What do you think that was? You’re right, a tail.

Of course, the fifth and final rule for detecting aliens is noticing that that they have no long term plans – they don’t plan to retire here. They’re heading back to Bush World as soon as they complete their assignment...But, of course, no real American would do the things they do. Just keep reminding yourself, George Bush and his cronies aren’t patriots, they’re aliens.



Bob Burnett is a Berkeley writer and Quaker actvist. He is particularly interested in progressive morality and writes frequently on the ethical aspects of political and social issues.




Laugh or Cry! But take a break from Reality for a moment and read this funny guy!

[niyad]

1. well, of course. I thought everyone knew this!! but I would quibble

about the use of the term "my president"--I don't know about bob, but he certainly isn't mine (perish the thought) and he most certainly isn't the legal president, merely a squatter in the oval office.

[benburch]

3. Not everybody has the magic glasses that let you see this.

Its amazing really, but 80% of all Republicans are disgusting lizard creatures.

[boobooday]

2. I was thinking pod people, for sure

And for some reason, in the middle of the speech, I flashed on Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

But it was Bob Scheiffer and Gloria Borger of CBS who really struck me as aliens, when they are cooing and falling all over themselves, telling us what a "grand vision" Bush put forth, and how "well received" it was.

[1620rock]

4. I don't buy it....

...It is obvious that Boosh has not evolved far from the the primordal slime. In fact he leaves a trail of slime wherever he goes. This sub-specious does not possess the intellegence to master the English language much less interstellar space flight. :eyes:

[Demeter]

6. Bioterrorism, Perhaps?

A destructive quasi-lifelike parasite created by the space=faring race so they don't have to dirty their hands?

[electropop]

5. He's Zaphod Beeblebrox

Just a couple of rather descriptive lines from "Hitchhiker's Guide:"

"You're not allowed to be President if you have a whole brain."

"Presidents don't have any power. Their job is to distract you from the real power."

[A Simple Game]

9. If he has a choice, why doesn't he use his smart head?

Besides if he was Zaphod Beeblebrox at least he would make things interesting.

[Mike Nelson]

7. He was probably sent here to serve hard time

They mistook Earth for a prison planet

[tocqueville]

8. that explains the human/animal hybrid ban nt