How Capitalism Unleashes the Beast of Soulless Avarice
A satire by Jason Miller -- World News Trust
Jinshan Mining Ltd, a leading mineral extraction corporation based in China, has officially announced its ground-breaking technology for extracting gold from the water supply in the United States, including groundwater, rivers, lakes and streams. After years of fastidious research, Jinshan has concluded that most of the water throughout the continental United States contains significant trace levels of gold particles. Its scientists have determined that the concentration of particles is high enough to enable the mining concern’s innovative new extraction process to cull significant quantities of the precious metal from ordinary H2O.
Jinshan, a Chinese multinational, has indicated they have found a surprisingly inexpensive means to process the millions of gallons of American water necessary to reap the profits they seek.
CEO Zhu Jintao was brimming with enthusiasm as he addressed eager members of the U.S. media via satellite link from a remote area of China where he was vacationing with his family:
“We are projecting revenue somewhere in the neighborhood of $60 billion U.S. dollars, in the first year. As we ramp up the project, we hope to double or perhaps even triple that figure within the next two years. Gold from water! It is as if we have discovered a form of alchemy!”
Articulating with a powerful command of his second language, Mr. Jintao continued:
“Naturally, we are quite pleased that the Bush administration has agreed that the United States government will lend its full support to our exciting new venture. Jinshan and the nation of China are most thankful for America’s generous accommodation.”
While Jintao failed to broach the subject, it is worth noting that Jinshan’s extraction process involves the use of highly toxic chemicals, including cyanide, thallium, barium, arsenic, and mercury. Jinshan’s "mining" is expected to quadruple the EPA’s legally acceptable levels of each of these contaminants in the drinking water of over 1.4 million Americans. Another undisclosed consequence of Jinshan’s “alchemy” is that it will require that they construct over a hundred processing facilities across the United States. Ecologists conservatively project that the ecosystem within a fifty mile radius of each of Jinshan’s “mining” sites will be uninhabitable by animal or plant life for at least twenty years.
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