NYT op-ed, Dana Matos McGreevey: Stand by Yourself

[DeepModem Mom]

Op-Ed Contributor
Stand by Yourself
By DINA MATOS McGREEVEY
Published: March 12, 2008

MY heart aches for Silda Wall Spitzer. Not only do she and her children have to weather the storm brought on by her misguided husband, she also has to endure the judgments of the commentariat, many of whom have asked, with some frequency, why on earth she would stand by her man during his public — and anemic — mea culpa. As someone who has stood by her politician husband (James McGreevey, the former governor of New Jersey) during his public — and anemic — mea culpa, all I can say is: It’s a personal decision. There’s no right or wrong answer....

(T)here’s no protocol for the spouse or partner stuck in the klieg lights. Sure, political consultants will tell you that it’s better to see a politician standing up with his wife by his side. But who cares what they think? At that stage, it’s over anyway. What are the advisers trying to salvage?

For me, I was essentially in the dark about what my husband was going to say. He never told me he was gay; he simply passed me a copy of his speech an hour before the press conference. I was in a fog. I certainly didn’t volunteer. I was in no emotional state to make a rational decision, and there simply wasn’t time. He asked me to stand next to him, and I did. Frankly, all I was thinking about was my daughter. If I had to do it over again, I’d do the same thing. I did it for my daughter’s father.

I wasn’t the first such person in this situation, and Ms. Wall Spitzer isn’t going to be the last. This will happen again. And when it does, let’s skip the psychoanalysis and judgments heaped on the wife. She’s not the elected official. Let him face the cameras on his own. Let’s get away from this notion that an elected official’s wife has to stand up there. If she wants to be there, great. If she doesn’t, that’s fine, too. But whatever you do, respect her privacy in the face of what is already an overwhelmingly painful situation.

(Dina Matos McGreevey is the author of “Silent Partner: A Memoir of My Marriage.”)

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/12/opinion/12mcgreevey.html?hp

[saracat]

1. Good for her McGreevey is a despicable human being.

[LiveLiberally]

2. Bravo to Dina M. McGreevey...

She says so eloquently what the media doesn't get and the public instinctively does. Political scandals of this nature are devastating for the family involved and the reactions and decisions of spouses should be respected for exactly what they are: private.

[Demeter]

3. An Excellent Discussion of a Painful Topic n/t

[rodeodance]

4. "respect her privacy;---there was on DU here a stand by your man post--what shame it was-

the terrible posts by so many!!

[Control-Z]

8. Are you referring to this one?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=2985708&mesg_id=2985708

I was stunned by some of the posts.

[NastyRiffraff]

5. Good for her.

I'm sick and tired of people judging a woman in those circumstances. NO ONE has the right to judge a marriage, or why a woman chooses to "stand with" her husband.

I never knew that Dina McGreevy didn't even know what her husband was going to say, and that she didn't even know he was gay until he gave her a copy of his speech. Neither, I suspect, did the idiots who criticized her, or who offered up their "expert" commentary.

As for Silda Wall Spitzer, it was clear she was suffering. My heart aches for her, and for their children.

[elleng]

9. Yes,

and they've 14, 16 and 18 year old daughters, who are likely to be utterly devastated by these events. Silda will survive; the girls will depend on her to do so themselves.

Peace to them all.

[Miss Authoritiva]

10. Those are very vulnerable ages...

The Spitzer's daughters are old enough to fully understand what's going on, and the prostitution element must be especially appalling (it's not as though Daddy just happened to fall in love with someone else). How will these young girls ever learn to trust people, in general, and men in particular?

Personally, I was hoping that at the first press conference Silda Spitzer would, like Elaine Benes in Seinfeld, just jam a fork into Eliot's forehead and then leave the stage. (Elaine's guy was a bad-beaker-upper.)

What would that teach the Spitzer daughterrs? I'm not sure. But I sure would have loved to have seen it.

[elleng]

11. wish I could laugh at your seinfeld.

My daughters, going through dissimilar but still traumatic family situation, want to know both whether I love their father, also why I care about him (if he's sick, etc.) and if they caused our break up. They are 19 and 23, and 'event' occurred 16 months ago.

[robbedvoter]

6. Irefutable arguments.

[zabet]

7. K and R

Bravo Dina McGreevey!!

:applause: