The Adventures of T. Boone Pickens, Episode 6

[TygrBright]

The collective sent this one along with a note saying they'll be taking a break for awhile...

The Adventures of T. Boone Pickens

Episode 6

by ThShifties

Another late night meeting. Legendary billionaire T. Boone Pickens is providing supersecret campaign advice to Senator McCain.

Pickens: Tell me something, my friend. What makes you so danged certain you’re going to win?

McCain: surprised Well, I guess because I’ve done everything they told me to do. I sucked up to the pro-lifers, and a couple of creepy TV preachers. I completely abandoned my position on immigration. I reversed myself on torture – that wasn’t easy, believe me. Basically, there’s nothing left for conservatives to object to.

Pickens: Then why do Limbaugh and Will and those guys still dislike you?

McCain: It’s just because they know I’m a hypocrite. But Karl says the average voter’s memory is only three weeks, so all that matters is that I put on a lot of commercials in October. With flags in them.

Pickens: You better hope he’s right. By the way, how tall are you, John?

McCain: With lifts or without?

Pickens: How old are you?

McCain: Younger than you, at least.

Pickens: I’m 80, John, and I look every damn day of it. So do you. No, it seems to me your problem is that the Democrat is about twenty-five years younger, a foot and a half taller, and a hell of a lot better-looking. I believe we’re gonna have to get creative here.

McCain: What do you mean?

Pickens: Follow along with me. Back when he was governor of Massachusetts, did Obama release any convicted murderers? Or sit for any dumb pictures in the cockpit of a tank?

McCain: To the best of my knowledge, he was never governor of Massachusetts.

Pickens: Well, then, did he happen to claim heroism as commander of a patrol boat on the Mekong River, that we might could challenge based on the sworn testimony of some other guys we haven’t yet dug up?

McCain: Not to my knowledge.

Pickens: How about, did he profit from a sweetheart real estate deal back in Arkansas?

McCain: I don’t think so.

Pickens: frustrated Dammit, does he even know anybody named Lewinsky? First name don’t matter. It’s the association we’re after.

McCain: I can’t say for sure.

Pickens: Damn frustratin’. Thank the Good Lord he’s secretly a Mooslim.

McCain: But he isn’t.

Pickens glares at McCain.

McCain: Okay, I get it.

Pickens: One thing I do like: you climbin’ all over the Democrat for not supportin’ the Surge. Now that’s good politics.

McCain: Well, he was wrong. The Surge is working.

Pickens: John, gimme a break. You were an idiot for supportin’ Iraq in the first place.

McCain: defensively Anyone can make a mistake.

Pickens: You thought we could win in Vietnam, too.

McCain: passionately We could have won. We still could. I think if we went back into Saigon tomorrow, the people would rise up and support us.

Pickens: You might want to keep that thought to yourself, comrade.

More Episodes...
Episode 1: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=370148&mesg_id=370148

Episode 2: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=372406&mesg_id=372406

Episode 3: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=372824&mesg_id=372824

Episode 4: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=373182&mesg_id=373182

Episode 5: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=373183&mesg_id=373183

[psychmommy]

1. thanks for the funny,

tell the collective things are starting to heat up now and we absolutely need their inputs!!!! how about an even 10.

[bertman]

2. These episodes are frickin' EXCELLENT.

THANKS.