The Onion Bashes Bush (Literally)

[Joanne98]

For the past few weeks, the popular satire newspaper The Onion has been running stories in this briefs section that put the outgoing president through massive physical trauma... and then forgo a punchline.

The most recent example:

KANSAS CITY, MO--President Bush sustained serious head injuries, massive internal bleeding, and a broken left leg Monday morning after being accidentally dragged behind the presidential motorcade for a period of 15 minutes. According to Secret Service spokesman Ed Donovan, Bush's necktie became caught in the trunk of the motorcade's second vehicle at 4:13 p.m., shortly before the driver accelerated. The president was dragged down 175th Street for 26 blocks and through four stoplights, leaving a trail of blood more than a mile long. Upon hearing shouts emanating from behind his vehicle, the driver abruptly applied the brakes, causing the third car in the motorcade to run over the president's left leg at a speed of approximately 25 miles per hour. President Bush is resting comfortably in Bethesda Naval Hospital.

Continued>>>
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/12/04/the-onion-bashes-bush-lit_n_148408.html

[tyne]

1. I don't

think that's clever nor funny.

[Dogmudgeon]

2. That's just creepy.

I don't like Bush one bit, but that's a weird, weird piece.

--p!

[natrat]

10. a million dead iraqs kind of weird too huh?

[dipsydoodle]

3. Extremely odd

and I'd have said out of character with their normal stuff.

[Miss Authoritiva]

4. They're satirical allegories.

There is more to these little stories than you might realize at first glance. Emphasis added to this one.

WASHINGTON—President Bush collapsed in the Oval Office after spontaneously expelling a 3-pound kidney stone from his bladder, sources reported Tuesday. According to witnesses, the president was attending his daily Iraq War briefing when he suddenly began shrieking loudly and clutching his abdomen, a mixture of blood and urine pooling rapidly around his feet. Bush was able to maintain consciousness through more than 20 minutes of excruciating pain, even after the jagged, grapefruit-sized crystal aggregation shredded his urethra and dropped from his left pant leg, finally rolling to a stop on the presidential seal in the middle of the Oval Office carpet. Bush is resting comfortably at Bethesda Naval Hospital.

A comparison is being made between the death and injuries of American soldiers in Iraq (blood) and Bush's outsized civilian kidney stone (urine, which is associated with cowardice; the huge size of the stone represents Bush's legendary incompetence). The stone, which shreds his urethra (indicating wishful castration, I think), rolls down his left leg (left=Democratic presidential victory) and comes to rest on the presidential seal, symbolizing the disgrace that Bush's cowardly false bravado has brought to both the office and the country. The presidential seal itself is in the middle of the Oval Office carpet, a piece of decoration of which Bush is very proud (he always points it out to visitors) and which itself is very yellow (cf. "urine").

Is this at all all funny? I don't know, but as I said, there's more there than you'd might think at first. Can I have my honorary degree now?

[pettypace]

5. This makes sense

Reading today's clip:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/bushs_eyelid_accidentally

The part of his right eye never gaining vision again is perhaps a metaphor for the political Right losing it's long term viability due to Bush's 8 year run.

[Miss Authoritiva]

6. Decoding these "briefs" is fun

I wondered why The Onion brief chose 27 hours as the amount of time Bush spent nailed to the wall. Turns out that "Bush spent 27 hours in the air in order to spend only two-and-a-half hours on the ground in Iraq" for that memorable surprise Thanksgiving trip to Baghdad.

And why is the White House Blue Room specified? According to the White House Museum, emphasis added:

The Blue Room is the center of the State Floor of the White House. Over the years, the Blue Room's oval shape and breath-taking view of the South Lawn of the White House has captivated many visitors. The Blue Room has been the traditional place for presidents to formally receive guests. From entertaining kings to shaking hands with the masses, the business of democracy and the social graces of diplomacy have taken place in the Blue Room.

Sure -- Bush just SCREAMS democracy, diplomacy, and social graces.

[MrMonk]

7. Do you think that was written by their editorial cartoonist?

[Lautremont]

8. They have punchlines.

"Bush is resting comfortably in Bethesda Naval Hospital."

[Miss Authoritiva]

11. Yep.

The joke is that after every crisis, Bush, as always, remains obliviously at peace with himself, “resting comfortably.” And it's not at Walter Reed either. Why would Bush be at Bethesda Naval Hospital? Is there a Mission Accomplished banner hanging in the background?

[judasdisney]

9. This just seems to fuel Republicans' persecution complex

Not helpful. Normally, the Onion is otherwise brilliant.