A divorced parent's dilemma: Leave kids to find work

[Bozita]

A divorced parent's dilemma: Leave kids to find work
BY L.L. BRASIER • FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER • MAY 26, 2009


Ray, a journeyman electrician, unemployed and desperate, left Macomb County two weeks ago for work in Oklahoma. It meant leaving his two daughters, the subjects of an upcoming custody battle with his soon-to-be ex-wife.

"I would never, ever have left my children," he said. "But I had no work. I looked for seven months and couldn't get a callback. I couldn't sleep at night ... With no work, I wasn't doing my children any good."

Ray, who asked that his last name not be used to protect his daughters' privacy, is among hundreds of divorced and divorcing parents in Michigan looking to leave the state to find work. In some cases, they also are seeking a reduction in the amount of child support they pay.

The requests, once rare, are now becoming commonplace as Michigan's economy continues to crumble. For those who stay in Michigan, child support often comes out of their unemployment checks; the amount of child support withheld from unemployment payments jumped 135% in the last year.

Decisions about moving and child support sometimes come with heartbreaking consequences. Children lose daily contact, and people who were once hands-on parents are suddenly relegated to phone calls and e-mail.

"I try to talk to them every couple of days," Ray said of his daughters, 12 and 15. "But it's just not the same."

Recession arrives at family court

Jennifer Foss of Royal Oak is moving to Portland, Ore., soon to look for a better job, taking along her daughter, Natalie, 3.

Her ex, Natalie's father, is coming along, too.

And since he also has a 12-year-old son with his first wife, they're also coming.

The three parents, all faced with financial struggles in Michigan, sat down a few weeks ago and agreed to move to the West Coast so that Natalie and her half-brother can share their lives and have daily access to their parents.

more...

http://www.freep.com/article/20090526/NEWS03/905260360/Dilemma+for+divorced++Leave+kids+to+find+work

[imdjh]

1. Civilized people amaze me. Why are they so rare?

I have known a number of civilized divorced people. I wouldn't be surprised by any of these people, some of which are remarried and some aren't, were to all move into one house and pool their resources in hard times.

One of California's most revered attorneys was the child of parents who belonged to what was essentially a collective of painters- house painters. When his asthma was diagnosed as a child, the doctor recommended that the parents move to California. The ENTIRE collective moved to California for this one kid.

[sandnsea]

2. So let me get this straight

A custodial mother loses her job and goes on unemployment, and she gets extra food stamps, health benefits, energy assistance, etc., for the kids.

A father loses his job, and he gets child support taken out of his meager unemployment and no extra help for the kids?

How is that logical for the kids?

[Mythsaje]

3. Take it from me--it gets worse than that. n/t

[PeteytehMawnstar]

4. the system is very cruel and unjust with little prospects for reform

They also aren't notified to appear in court, when their spouse wants more money. It's automatically granted, a guy i worked with wasn't notified until the garnishment order came in raising his amount, boy was he shocked.

[noamnety]

9. The key to your answer is in your post: "for the kids"

If the custodial OR noncustodial parent loses their job, they may or may not become eligible for food stamps or health benefits for themselves based on their new income level.

Additionally, if the custodial parent loses their job, the CHILD gets extra food stamps, health benefits, and energy assistance.

These things don't cover all expenses for a child, as I'm guessing you are aware. The extra costs incurred (clothing, the additional food, medical costs that aren't covered, transportation, additional rent costs) come out of the custodial parent's unemployment check just as surely as it comes out of the noncustodial parents' check.

[PeteytehMawnstar]

5. Where's the man's right to choose

Seems a safe question to ask.

[TheMadMonk]

8. It ended the moment he dropped his trousers. nt

[grasswire]

6. as I posted here three weeks ago...

...a family member of mine had to say goodbye to his two young daughters and leave Northern New England in order to find work. His only support system is 3,000 miles away. He was bottomed out. On a Thursday night he walked 28 miles to visit them for the last time, and in the morning he boarded the Amtrak train. Two years ago he was making 60 grand. Now he is penniless. No work. No work available.

How is this different from the Great Depression?

[Wednesdays]

7. K&R

:kick: