Bitterness as mental illness?

[BlueJessamine]

By Shari Roan

http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-bitterness25-2009may25,0,4544029.story

You know them. I know them. And, increasingly, psychiatrists know them. People who feel they have been wronged by someone and are so bitter they can barely function other than to ruminate about their circumstances.

This behavior is so common -- and so deeply destructive -- that some psychiatrists are urging it be identified as a mental illness under the name post-traumatic embitterment disorder. The behavior was discussed before an enthusiastic audience last week at a meeting of the American Psychiatric Assn. in San Francisco.

The disorder is modeled after post-traumatic stress disorder because it too is a response to a trauma that endures. People with PTSD are left fearful and anxious. Embittered people are left seething for revenge.

"They feel the world has treated them unfairly. It's one step more complex than anger. They're angry plus helpless," says Dr. Michael Linden, a German psychiatrist who named the behavior.

Embittered people are typically good people who have worked hard at something important, such as a job, relationship or activity, Linden says. When something unexpectedly awful happens -- they don't get the promotion, their spouse files for divorce or they fail to make the Olympic team -- a profound sense of injustice overtakes them. Instead of dealing with the loss with the help of family and friends, they cannot let go of the feeling of being victimized. Almost immediately after the traumatic event, they become angry, pessimistic, aggressive, hopeless haters.

"Embitterment is a violation of basic beliefs," Linden says. "It causes a very severe emotional reaction. . . . We are always coping with negative life events. It's the reaction that varies."

There are only a handful of studies on the condition, but psychiatrists at the meeting agreed that much more research is needed on identifying and helping these people. One estimate is that 1% to 2% of the population is embittered, says Linden, who has published several studies on the condition.

"These people usually don't come to treatment because 'the world has to change, not me,' " Linden says. "They are almost treatment resistant. . . . Revenge is not a treatment."

Nevertheless, Linden suggests that people once known as loving, normal individuals who suddenly snap and kill their family and themselves may have post-traumatic embitterment syndrome. That's reason enough for researchers to study how to treat the destructive emotion of bitterness.

[Coyote_Bandit]

1. PTSD

is generally understood to be a normal reaction to a severly traumatic event (or series of events).

One has to wonder whether this effort will differentiate between those who are bitter because they were slighted and those are bitter because they were used, abused, violated and/or betrayed.

I'm not sure there is anything wrong with feeling bitter after a significant betrayal. After all, there ought to be consequences to those who wrong us. I'd suggest that often the desire to exact revenge is the result of the simple fact that our society often does not hold those who wrong us accountable and, in fact, is sometimes quite accepting of their behavior. However misguided, bitterness and revenge are often acts of self-defense.

But we wouldn't want anyone to ever feel like their anger, bitterness and desire for revenge is justified now would we?

[Cronopio]

4. It seems not holding yourself responsble for the fucked-up condition of society ...

... is being "treatment resistant".

The one time I talked to a therapist the first thing she said was "you can't change others, you can only change yourself". My response was - well yeah, of course. But leading off with that bit of advice seemed like it could be trying to hold me responsible for others' behavior. She denied that interpretation when I asked her about it, but she still continually brought the "therapy" back to the assertion that it was my responsibility to resolve problems caused by society and that only society could resolve.

My bitterness therapy is more along the lines of "positive rebellion". It's taking the rebellious attitude of "if my actions are not reinforcing society's self-destructive tendency for blind aggression to others, then it's society's responsibility to resolve it - not mine." and accept the fact that the majority of the collective may never live up to that responsibility. It's holding others responsible for what they choose and yourself responsible for your own choices.

Bitterness is just another way of holding yourself responsible for being outnumbered and overpowered by the evil and stupid in the world, which is self-destructive. And neurotic, because you're always outnumbered when you take responsibility for your own life and happiness. When you let yourself off the hook for always having a ready response for any betrayal or slight, you counteract the threat programming that leads to the neurotic need for vendettas and "restoring the threat balance".

[distantearlywarning]

6. I want to recommend this post!

I had the same reaction the only time I ever went to therapy.

BTW, after many years of a graduate degree in social psychology and some classes in the art of persuasion, I now know that the statement "you can't change others, only yourself" is also total BS. People change others all the time, usually without their knowledge. :-)

[Cronopio]

7. I think people can influence others to change, but the decision to change comes from the individual.

Not disagreeing with you, but I was pointing out that the "you can't change others, only yourself" can have two meanings:

1. You are liberated from the responsibility of others behavior. (good)
2. You are responsible for bending yourself out of shape to meet the expectations of others. (bad)

In the case of the therapist I mentioned, it became apparent to me the #1 was the pretense and #2 was the real message. As you rightly say, that's total BS.

[Demeter]

15. Most People Are Sheep--It Is the Base Upon Which Advertising Exists

[Cronopio]

22. They're humans who choose to act and think like sheep.

It's the 3.5 billion year old threat programming that leads to the terror of being outnumbered, overpowered, vulnerable. Safety is in the herd, until it isn't.

Any human at any time can choose to stare down that terror (they'll never eliminate it) and begin to short-circuit the programming. Then they'll find out how devious and pervasive it is in society.

Sheep who act like sheep are simply living out their given nature with integrity. People who choose to act and think like sheep commit the ultimate betrayal of themselves and society and are responsible for that choice.

I don't let any human off the hook regarding that responsibility. But being bitter about others not shouldering that responsibility is neurotic, self-destructive, and a waste of time. Contrary to threat programming, acquiescence and bitter vendettas aren't the only options.

[truedelphi]

31. i am enjoying all of your reactions and descriptions.

Thanks very much fo rsharing your thoughts and experiences.

[malakai2]

8. "In the desert I saw a creature...

...naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter-bitter," he answered,
But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

I think you nailed it, really. Seems that because I'm usually stuck living in conformist cultural backwaters, I'm left with the option of being who I am and becoming bitter at the situation around me, or changing who I am to accommodate someone else for some level of approval that should not matter (despite what society seems to think). It's been my experience that bitterness is the favorable alternative. It tends to spur me into changing my situation for the better, eventually, and to the extent possible.

[Aragorn]

9. PTSD is not normal

Please do not trivialize it especially for people like soldiers who need help. It is only the excessive and persisting condition which merits a PTSD diagnosis. It is biochemically driven by excessively stressful (life-threatening) event(s).

That said, APA has way too many redundant diagnoses already. PTSD by its known biochemical mechanisms is part of a cluster of mood/anxiety disorders. The best treatments are essentially the same as for those disorders, too.

Justified bitterness, like justified grief, does not warrant a "diagnosis" nor treatment, unless it is severe enough and/or persistent enough. But the risk of suicide/homicide/drug abuse/alcohol abuse/violence etc from true untreated PTSD should be a concern.

It is not that hard to screen for but if the military wants to use HMO-type providers, conditioned to avoid diagnosis and treatment to save money, it won't change. If enough people think it is just a matter of "sucking it up" and going on with your life, those who need help are stigmatized instead.

The wish for revenge is normal and often it is justified. Shooting a place up, whether followed by suicide or not, is not normal.

[Coyote_Bandit]

13. I guess you missed it.

PTSD is a normal reaction to an abnormal event (or series of events). It is an axiety disorder and is considered part of the natural normal fight or flight response. What is abnormal about it is that the response is not a passing event and is transferred to a variety of triggers. PTSD can change brain chemstry.

http://www.ptsd.org.uk/what_is_ptsd.htm


I was involved in a fatality acident as a young child and witnessed the death of a close family member. I'm guessing I know more about PTSD than you ever will. I hope you don't learn about it the way I did. But you really should educate yourself on the subject.

[truedelphi]

32. I also think that the 'good ol days' when you could have your revenge

And just get it over with had something to say for it.

So your neighbor steals your spouse. One hundred years ago, you went over to his house, pounded on the door, and maybe had a fist fight.

These days all that is repressed. Would not be polite. So you have all these people who suck it in day after day and then go nuts in a Postal fashion, taking out people who had nothing to do with the originating situation.

[Betty]

2. sounds like the right wing base of the repigs

look at the bitterness, the bile they are spewing.

[Mopar151]

3. Poster Boy!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Drega

[katty]

5. i've known 'chronically bitter' people that are just that way, they

did not have any history of PTS, they just could not look at their own reactions, emotions, grow up and get on with their life without (chronically) blaming someone or something for all their problems.

[Cronopio]

23. Yes, bitterness can become an addiction.

I've noticed in younger generations introverted and impotent bitterness is in vogue. Better to be bitter than to be seen as naive and positive.

[Baby Snooks]

10. Dr. Linden should study Guilty Victim Disorder...

Dr. Linden and quite a few other psychiatrists suffer from it - its main characteristic is to blame victims for being victims and for being victimized to begin with. We are a predatory society and predatory behavior is becoming the norm and psychiatry is growingly endorsing that norm.

I have often wondered how post traumatic stress syndrome became post traumatic disorder and the reason it did is because it was easier to "bill and prescribe" as a disorder and the latter of course most important - psychiatrists have become nothing more than glorified pharmacists in our society. Pop a pill and the pain goes away.

Post traumatic stress disorder results from not treating post traumatic stress syndrome and instead merely prescribing medication which is the protocol. It seems to be the protocol for everything. Mainly because it allows a psychiatrist to only see someone every six weeks or so to write a new prescription. And therefore they can see that many more patients. Every six weeks or so. And of course make more money from the additional billing. I've known four psychiatrists in my life who believed in analysis. The rest don't. They believe in medication.

My personal belief is that the drugs rather than the disorder is what results in the tragedies. No doubt Dr. Linden has already set up a research study to develop a drug protocol to treat this latest disorder. No doubt to be paid for by the pharmaceutical companies.

I have been a stalking victim in two separate situations. I have post traumatic stress syndrome. I joke and say I function 15/5 instead of 24/7. It is just the way it is. No drug in the world is going to wipe out the memories of being terrorized. Those memories are simply part of who I am. And who I always will be. Like millions of other victims who are often revictimized by both our justice system and our mental health system. Nothing wrong with me except I was psychologically raped. Over and over and over. And the rapist was never charged.

Sometimes someone will ask why I am not on medication. Why would I be on medication? There's nothing wrong with me. There's something wrong with the men who stalked me.

Veterans have the worst to deal with because they are both victim and victimizer. They become victims when they realize they cannot be victimizers.

Many are diagnosed with the syndrome and sent back to the battlefield and return with the disorder. And they are diagnosed with a "pre-existing" disorder, and then dumped on our streets. The majority of homeless veterans in our country suffer from post traumatic stress disorder but receive no help because the military diagnosed them with a "pre-existing" disorder. At best they are given psychotropic drugs which often, again, result in the tragedies. The drugs are given to them to shut them up. The military does not want people to know what goes on. As we are all seeing in the refusal by this administration to release photos so we can see what the "normal" men and women in the military are so good at. Torturing, raping, murdering. The "normal" pyschopaths. The predators we should all strive to be. The few, the proud, the predators.

They reflect the worst of our society in that they reflect what we do to ourselves. We revere the predators in our society.

Not all of us are spiritually able to be predators. And so we become prey. Not all of us are victizers. Just victims.

Am I bitter? Not at all. Angry? Absolutely. Angry at a society that revictimizes victims with this "mental illness" garbage and further revictimizes them by telling them that they are guilty victims.

You cannot change others, only yourself. That is just another way of saying there are no victims, only volunteers.

One thing I have learned through the years is that those who tell people "there are no victims, only volunteers" are victimizers. They are merely attempting to excuse themselves. By blaming their victims.

[nolabear]

19. As a psychoanalyst

I appreciate your take (and others' here as well) on the perfectly appropriate response to both personal and societal horrors that give us feelings of fear, anger, avoidance, even bitterness. And I agree that anger is a reasonable response to a situation in which you feel helpless, are hurt, and which impacts your (you, general, not you, specific) life.

Bitterness is different from anger. Anger can be a powerful tool for change, can mobilize natural aggression and allow you to be active, powerful, to have what control you can over your situation and your feelings. MLK was angry, Mandela was angry, most people who seek change are angry about the way something is, be it the existence of cancer, the persistence of the denial of global warming, or someone who thwarted their efforts to accomplish something personally meaningful.

Bitterness, though, is stuck, helpless, immobile, and can become a way of thinking that keeps you in relationship with your trauma or the way of living that causes you pain. When you're bitter about something or someone, it is as powerful as if it was your lover. It shuts out all the active possibilites. It's often a product of fear. THAT's what good therapy should do; help you to appreciate how horrible something is for you to experience, and to find a way to USE it as a component of an active, happy life rather than to "move on, get over it" or to try to medicate the emotional response. It's screamingly hard work, expensive even at a low fee, and can in fact change you. Then you can do what the old AA script says, change what you can, accept that you can't change everything, and know the difference, rather than hanging on in bitterness.

[Baby Snooks]

20. The one thing we will agree on...

Then you can do what the old AA script says, change what you can, accept that you can't change everything, and know the difference, rather than hanging on in bitterness.
_____________________________________________________________________

But it's really not so simple for many victims of domestic abuse/violence and stalking. The bitterness, and I see it in other stalking victims from time to time, is the result of the realization that you cannot rebuild your life as it was. It is gone.

The reality for all of us, of course, is that we do not have any guarantees in life. We all have the tragedies as well as the triumphs.

What works best in many cases is the five stages of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross which help us deal with the tragedies. They are not only useful for dealing with death but with all sense of loss in life as well.

Bitterness is not always debilitating. It just isn't empowering. It is just something that is. Some learn to live with it. And accept it. And in time become "philosophical" about it. There is some perfection to be found in accepting our imperfection and the imperfection of others. Emphasizing the word acceptance. The final stage.

The best treatment for trauma of any sort is always "kindred spirits" which often is the last resource offered to victims and often is the one resource not even offered. The internet of course has changed that.

My version of the Serenity Prayer:

"Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to wisdom;
Accepting this world
as it is, not as I would have it."

The problem is we are constantly forced to live in a world as someone else would have it. Which at times is neither an emotionally or a spiritually healthy way to live.

The standard of normal behavior in our society has become predatory behavior. Which is really a sociopathic behavior.

Some of us don't do so well with it. And become victims. Including growing numbers of our military. Might in the end does not make right.

[Cronopio]

24. "... has become predatory behavior. Which is really a sociopathic behavior."

Bing! :applause:

There's an unstated belief that societies can't be sociopathic, only individuals can, and that's clearly not the truth. To successfully adapt to a malfunctioning, sociopathic society you have to become a sociopath.

This is an example of a idea that has recently begun to be studied in sociologist circles: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolutionary_suicide

[Baby Snooks]

25. Malignant egophrenia...

http://www.awakeninthedream.com/artis/georgew.html

"Just as Hitler struck a chord deep in the German unconscious, Bush is touching something very deep in the American psyche."

We are our own worst enemy. Collectively as well as individually.

[nolabear]

26. It depends, I think

on what the kindred spirit relationship is like. For example, I am zaftig enough to want to diet fairly often, and there are many group experiences available for that. Too often the empathic understanding results in exacerbation of the problem rather than helpful incitement to action. "Oh I know what you mean; I ate a cheesecake yesterday. I'm so bad. But it's my parents' fault. I'm an emothional eater." Etc. All important things to say but not to hang onto or to get into a reciprocal relationship over, if you want to change anything. Same with PTSD or real, valuable reactions to bad experiences. They deserve utmost respect, but in addition a way out of being subsumed by the feelings and thoughts that prevent (and I hate this term but can't come up with better) empowerment.

And please don't read my comments as belief that it's easy. It may be the hardest thing in the world. It involves neurobiology, self concept, the limbic system, and the need to trust when trust has come before at a very, very high price. But it's possible, and it's a joy to see.

[shellgame26]

11. get ready

For a new drug.

[Baby Snooks]

17. Emphasis on new

The pharmaceutical companies love their new drugs. Introduced and marketed for specific disorder. What better for a new drug than a new disorder?

[mwb970]

12. This is what happened to the wingnuts when Obama won.

Instead of dealing with the loss with the help of family and friends, they cannot let go of the feeling of being victimized. Almost immediately after the traumatic event, they become angry, pessimistic, aggressive, hopeless haters.

The word "victimized" gives the game away. The wackos on the right are ever primed for victimhood, seeking it out even if it's not there (I give you the "War On Christmas"). They are bitter. They are angry. And they are filled with hate. Surprise, surprise - it turns out they are sick in the head!

[tomreedtoon]

14. Wrong. Bitterness is mental HEALTH.

Getting Prozac'ed into passivity is what the bosses and the megacorporations want. They want to avoid the consequences of their actions; the rape and disfigurement of the American dream.

This sounds like the typical response of the politically correct, for whom anger is evil and effective action is being impolite. The only problem is those people who kill the families and themselves, instead of the people they should be killing. People need to snap on the targets that need killing.

[Demeter]

16. Hear Hear!

100% agree.

[Baby Snooks]

21. Bitterness as enlightenment...

To a degree bitterness is enlightenment. If we really look at what we are bitter about. People confuse revenge with justice. Many people do not seek revenge. But are denied the right to seek justice or seek it and have it denied. There is a huge difference.

Some believe bitterness is the result of someone not being able to seek revenge. In many cases, it is the result of justice denied.

Many of us are bitter over 9/11 and what followed and particularly angry, always a precursor to bitterness, over what has continued.

[Uncle Joe]

18. What if the "world" or at least your nation is wrong?

No human is perfect, therefore no nation can be perfect, so if your nation strays drastically off course; would righteous anger then become analyzed as bitterness?

Didn't the former Soviet Union treat political dissidents as having mental illness?

I can't say for certain whether this embitterment analysis has solid validity or not but I feel confident in believing, this type of mental analysis can and has been abused by governments in the past.

[AllentownJake]

28. According to their governments.

Yes, they had a mental illness, they were degenerates that society needed to be cleansed of.

[AllentownJake]

27. Frankly, I'm bitter over a few things

There are things in this society that are so fucking wrong it makes me want to scream.

The fact that we are watching billions be pumped into the guys who caused the mess makes me bitter. The fact that if I in my job did what these guys did in their jobs would mean I was out of a job makes me fucking bitter. The fact their is one rule for one group of society and another rule for the rest of us makes me fucking bitter.

The fact that the rest of the people around me seem to blindly accept this status quo, some out of the hope they'll one day be the ones in charge and others out of fears they'll lose what little they have makes me fucking bitter.

We have an extremely dysfunctional society. Of course people are going to be bitter about it.

[Cronopio]

29. The murder of George Tiller

Another reminder of why we had better get our collective act together about dealing with the rising wave of neurotic bitterness among people in America.

Holding the people responsible who feed it is a good place to start. Rush, Ann, Sean, BillO, ... they are *all* directly aiding and abetting domestic terrorists. The fact that they make millions of dollars doing it does not change that fact.

[Pat Riot]

30. bump

Oh how glad I am to be able to post on DU finally. Intelligent articulate people, mostly, exchanging insightful, widely varying points of view, and most can even spell and use good grammar and punctuation. Nobody called anyone else a douchebag or "moran."

Glad to see this topic brought up. I've been thinking a lot about my own bitterness and anger management issues. Loneliness, neglect, resentment of an empty marriage to an alcoholic. Betrayal of parents and church which I thought I had long gotten over, but are now coming back to bite me in the ass in my 50's because I never really dealt with it. The 2000 and 2004 elections. Being tyranised at work by a troglodyte boss who sexually harrassed a coworker (and got away with it) and otherwise fucked with peoples' lives as if it were a game to him. Not looking for sympathy or advice on any of these, as I really am learning to deal better and have solved or working to solve them all. My point is, maybe some of us, self included, ought not jump to the right wing examples of bitterness as mental illness quite so quickly, easily as a billion examples do spring to mind. We will not make any progress in any cause if we sink to the same level as those we fight against. This is why I will not use terms like repug or repuke, though they do seem to roll trippingly off the tongue. I am no better if I sink to that level.

[Baby Snooks]

33. Bitterness as enlightenment....

I think bitterness is merely a form of disillusionment. I am angry but not bitter. But I am so, so disilluisioned by so much.

Enlightenment isn't necessarily a postive thing. Sometimes it is merely acceptance of the negative in life or to be more specific the negative experiences of life.

As someone once put it, life is fair. Unfortunately it's filled with schmucks.