The University of Washington Student Newspaper
Jesse Barton
Daily Staff
Dr. Laura Schlessinger's success as a talk show host/relationship expert arises not from her preaching of anything actually useful - her radio show consists of advice you could get from any ranting minister on a street corner - but mainly from the self-righteous and vindictive manner in which she gives her advice.
In an increased effort to spread her dictum, like a cancer in metastasis, the good doctor has taken to writing books. Her latest, Ten Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives, is a capital example of her talents. I came across this book while searching for Christmas gifts for my family and could not help wading through it.
The book, full of half-baked ideas, curdled assumptions, putrid platitudes and other such flatulence-inducing verbiage, has no basis in reality. This allows Dr. Laura, of course, to write in the obscenely shortsighted and scathing manner that reflects herinfamously obtuse intellect.
Forever in the spirit of Christmas and giving, I've decided to shovel back some of the self-righteous haranguing that Dr. Laura seems so adept at spewing. I present the first-ever list of Ten Stupid Things Dr. Laura Does to Mess Up Our Lives.
1.
Stupid abstinence. Dr. Laura champions the banal biblical notion that sex should be saved until marriage. This makes about as much sense as saving laughter until marriage. Having safe sex with someone before you are married does not cheapen who you are, like she claims; instead, much like laughter, it enriches your life. Sex is a form of communication that enables you to express your most intimate feelings and re-evaluate your commitment to that person. If you're not mature enough for sex, you're not mature enough for marriage.
2.
Stupid hypocrisy. Dr. Laura, like all trumpeters of “morality,” enshrouds herself in hypocrisy. As the self-proclaimed den mother of marriage and family relations, she fails to acknowledge the fact that she is divorced, hasn't spoken to her mother in over ten years and has no relationship with her sister. She apparently feels her personal ineptness at relationships has no bearing on her ability to help others.
3.
Stupid pretentiousness. The “Dr.” in Dr. Laura comes from a degree in physiology, not psychology or psychiatry. She does not deserve the respect she currently enjoys as a doctor, unless you think a person with a doctorate in aeronautical engineering should be allowed to design bridges. If you do, I suggest you be the first to drive over it.
4.
Stupid theology. What Dr. Laura really teaches is not anything new. She teaches the same Dark Age lessons that you get out of the Bible or Talmud - that premarital sex is a sin, abortion is against God's will, that Joshua commanded the sun to stop revolving around the earth, that God promised Israel to the Jews and other priceless pieces of information that have caused more suffering than they will ever solve.
5.
Stupid labels. The words Dr. Laura uses to address her listeners do not promote healing; they only promote hate and mistrust. Calling a woman a “slut” or a “baby-killer” and a man a “pig” is not going to correct what she considers to be a problem. Labeling people like this only makes people like Dr. Laura feel better about their own shortcomings and the person with the perceived problem feel worse.
6.
Stupid marriage. Dr. Laura feels that living together before marriage is never justified because it gives the man a chance to “chicken” out. I guess she would have two people marry, possibly have children and go through an expensive and painful divorce because they rushed into it rather than have them approach a lifelong commitment intelligently.
7.
Stupid anti-abortion position. Dr. Laura does not subscribe to the concept of a woman owning her body and as a result feels that other people have a right to tell a woman what to do with it. It's too bad she doesn't practice this belief as fervently as she pushes it upon other people. If she did, she would have done everybody a favor by doing what they told her and silencing her voice box a long time ago.
8.
Stupid superiority complex. She tells gay men that they can't be Christian. She says, “You can't just mold the faith to your liking. You either accept it as a whole faith or not.” As a Jew, Dr. Laura is supposed to be against homosexuality but isn't. She claims that this difference is “something that God and I will work out later.” Not only does she think that she is better than everybody else, but that she is good enough to challenge her God's rules.
9.
Stupid gender roles. Dr. Laura feels that human beings have a role on the earth and that this one role is to get married and procreate like a couple of rabbits. She believes there is only one way to happiness for everybody and that it is found in a marital relationship. Any man who doesn't marry is a coward and any woman who doesn't is a slut.
10.
Stupid scapegoats. The way Dr. Laura approaches a problem is always the most superficial and inaccurate. She cites the existence of nannies as the reason why parents don't raise their own children - as if parents want to add this expense to their financial situation - and believes that premarital sex is meaningless and will result in a meaningless marriage. If she was a medical doctor and practiced medicine in the same way that she conducts her 30-second Dark Age diagnosis of a marital or family problem, she would argue that a bleeding is the true cure for high blood pressure. “You have to let the pressure out!” she would cry.
Nonsense professed by mountebanks like Dr. Laura to 20 million listeners does nothing to solve problems. She only recycles problems from the past or creates new ones, and no one seems to care or notice. Just because people seem to like what she says does not mean she is an authority on the subject.
The Heaven's Gate cult certainly enjoyed what cult leader Marshall Applewhite had to say - and look where these mindless sheep ended up. There is a real danger involved when people accept what others say without question. This danger exists in all walks of life and applies to all people, even the ones who consider themselves “educated.”
Just because you have attended college, don't assume for a minute that you're immune from the rhetoric of quacks. They appear every day on campus and sometimes instruct classes.
Learn to question everybody; your respect should be earned, never given. The real reason men and women alike mess up their lives is by taking advice from charlatans like Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
http://archives.thedaily.washington.edu/1998/010698/stupid.1698.html
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