What Newsweek Could Have Said

[Plaid Adder]

OK, I'm a little better now.

Here's what, if they could collectively come up with a pair, Newsweek could have said in answer to Scotty, Rummy, and Condi:

Dear Friends,

The information that there was an investigation going on into the trashing of the Koran at Guantanamo Bay was passed on to us by a source working in your administration. We checked this out with other administration sources before running the piece. Nobody we talked to took issue with it. Now that the piece has attracted negative attention from you and your colleagues, our original source has decided to change his story. We regret having relied on a source who was either being dishonest with us, or has now proven susceptible to your intimidation. We also regret having assumed that our administration sources would be honest with us, instead of waiting until the piece came out to attack it. That is all we regret.

In answer to Mr. McClellan's complaint that this is "not enough," we have this to say: We do not work for you. We work for the truth, and we work for the American people. Keeping you happy is not our job. Nor are we responsible for making the world love the Bush administration. If you don't like the way America is viewed in the Muslim world or indeed the world in general, then perhaps you should reconsider the way your administration treats the rest of the world. Frankly, it does not matter how much rose-colored propaganda we generate about America if your policies are giving the lie to it every day.

In another time, under another administration, we might have considered reports that American soldiers humiliated Muslim captives by trashing their holy book so outlandish as to be unworthy even of investigation. Under this administration, unfortunately, no report of depravity can now be dismissed out of hand as incredible. We will continue our efforts to discover just what in the world is really going on down at America's most impenetrable prison camp, and whenever we find something, we will continue to publish it, whether or not it reflects favorably on you.

Nobody has ever perished from too much self-awareness. It will not hurt this country to know what it is currently being made of. We look forward to playing a role in improving world opinion of our beloved country--not by lying about what it is now, but by telling the truth in order that eventually, it may become better.

Sincerely,

The Newsweek Editorial Staff

Yeah, right,

The Plaid Adder

[Plaid Adder]

1. See, without the profanity, it's just not the same. n/t

[hvn_nbr_2]

3. Not the same but...

Without the profanity it doesn't get across the sense of outrage that you and I feel.

However, this version is something they could actually have said if they had a pair and were real journalists. In a way, this plausible would-be response from them rubs their noses in their own shit even more effectively because this is just what they should have said.

[gollygee]

2. I love you

I don't even know you but I love you! And I nominated this fantastic post :)

[Spazito]

4. OH if only they had!

They would have shown they are working on behalf of the American public as real journalists would instead of making themselves even more irrelevant.

Excellent post, thanks.

[paula777]

5. Brilliant - I would have been happy if they said HALF of that

instead they fell on the sword - like everyone else seems to do. Like the fucking mob this administration ...

[Pacifist Patriot]

6. That is bloody brilliant!

[redqueen]

7. Or, alternately:

Dear assholes,

Get real! These riots aren't due to our article, you lying sacks of shit. Gen. Myers himself said they were more about the political situation in Afghanistan.

If you weren't all dumb as rocks, you'd realize that if people there aren't going to riot over prisoners of war dying in our custody, or being tortured and photographed to memorialize their humiliation, they're certainly not going to riot on account of some soldier flushing the Quran down the toilet.

We in the media are very aware that you'd like everyone to ignore the Downing Street Memo, and your attempt to distract everyone has worked well for a few days.

Now, back to business...

[Enraged_Ape]

8. That's terrific

Unfortunately, it assumes a dreamworld where the American media has any credibility or integrity whatsoever. It's just so sad.

[Just Me]

9. IF ONLY,...

,...that were the response!!! If only!!!!

Maybe, YOU should be an editor-in-chief!!! :bounce:

[Hissyspit]

10. They also could have said:

"Donald Rumsfeld is lecturing on lying and the value of human life? You're kidding, right?"

"UK Memo! UK memo! UK Memo! UK Memo!"

[Karenina]

11. Kick!

:kick:

[B Calm]

12. You should send this to Newsweek!