How would you describe your childhood?

[southerngirlwriter]

Poll question: How would you describe your childhood?

I am curious about the self-described demographics around here.

[southerngirlwriter]

1. Kick

:kick:

[southerngirlwriter]

2. kick

:kick:

[ikojo]

3. Most of the negative memories I have about my childhood

center around my parents' divorce and our subsequent move from the comfortable middle class to poverty.

My mom was given custody of all the kids (seven) and had not worked outside the home since she got married in the mid 1950s, so the job she was able to get post divorce paid very little.

There was often not enough money or food when I was growing up. A few years ago when I was sitting around a table talking to my siblings I likened our family situation to being on the island in Survivor, I said I am sure that if any of us could have voted another off the island we would have taken advantage of the opportunity.

Given that resources of all types were scarce (including the time and energy my mom had for all those kids) we were not particularly close growing up. We were competitive about everything especially food.

[southerngirlwriter]

4. My mentor grew up like that.

When we go out to eat, he's always completely finished eating before I've eaten 1/3 of what's on my plate. He grew up knowing you had to eat very fast if you were going to get anything at all.

I'm one of the "someone should have gone to jail over it" votes, but I'm not going to discuss why. I am just curious about how childhood experiences might or might not shape the sort of politicos we become.

[ikojo]

5. I had to teach myself to eat slowly as an adult.

I tell myself, daily, that I will not starve. I have a job and friends and will not starve.

Yes, I did have serious food insecurity issues growing up. We qualified for free school lunches until I was a sophomore in high school (by then there were only two of us at home and the powers that be thought my mom's income of $10k was enough to feed us). My brother and I were then eligible for reduced lunches until our senior year but by then my mom figured she'd just give us lunch money and not go through the fuss of filling out the government form for reduced lunches.

Eating fast, however, is not something done only by those who grew up with food problems. I have a friend from a VERY wealthy family (she does not have to work for a living that is how rich she is). Well, she WOLFS down her food and then will take more even if everyone has not had a first serving. It is all about her, her, her when it comes to food.

[southerngirlwriter]

7. I wish he could teach himself that.

He's almost 60 now, though, and I don't think it's likely to change anytime soon.

$10K to feed two kids on? Wow. Sheesh.

Edit: typo

[fudge stripe cookays]

6. Mine was fine until I turned 13.

Then my dad died, and everything turned to shit. My mom's boyfriend was a complete worm. We were his "backstreet" family for almost 10 years. I hated that asshole.

They finally got married when I was 21, and stayed married for all of a year and a half.

When their divorce was underway, he called our house looking for her while she was in the hospital. For the first time, I told him that if I thought I'd could get away with it, I'd shove a knife between his ribs with no guilt.

For some reason, he got very upset and hung up. Fucker.

[southerngirlwriter]

8. sorry, don't know what "backstreet" family means.

n/t

[fudge stripe cookays]

26. He already HAD a wife and a daughter, and we weren't them.

In other words, he was not divorced yet.

See?

[southerngirlwriter]

29. Thanks for explaining.

I had never heard the term before. Sorry.

[ikojo]

9. My mom associated with some less than savory

characters once she divorced. She would have parties EVERY weekend and a bunch of people, far younger than she (she was in her mid 30s at the time) would come over drink and drug all weekend. They would play very loud music until all hours of the morning. After they were done playing cards, smoking weed and drinking beer they would pass out wherever.

Of course they then had the NOIVE to get upset when my little brother and I would get up early on a Saturday morning to watch cartoons. WE would get in trouble for making noise while the hippies slept on the floor of OUR living room!

One of my mom's boyfriends was a jerk. He liked to "wrestle" us and would get on top and sit on me (I was seven or eight). One time I started crying and my nose started to bleed (I had a lot of nosebleeds as a kid). He slapped me on the side of my head and told me to stop being a baby. I cannot convey how much I HATED LOATHED AND DESPISED that man.

Another one of my mom's boyfriends was a crook. He was convicted of armed robbery and served time in Menard State Penitentiary (the same place John Wayne Gacy was sent to). She would go down and visit him on the weekend. I went with her once and HATED it. I was about nine or ten. We had to go through metal detectors and get patted down. The one thing I remember is watching an Abbott and Costello movie in the waiting room while we waited for him to be brought from his cell. I also didn't like this guy and when I was 14 and he came back around I told him so in NO uncertain terms.

Thankfully this part of my mom's lifestyle ended when I was around 14 or 15. She still put men above us but she quit using drugs.

[fudge stripe cookays]

28. Ugh, ikojo, that sucks.

You had it much rougher than I did.

I'm so sorry about your misfortune as a kid. It sounds like you really had a hard time.

It's weird the way different people react to different circumstances growing up. Some people let it roll off them, and some people use it as a crutch the rest of their lives.

My mom never did drugs or drank, she just made shit decisions about "love." And that fucked up my relationships with men for a long time. Even though I said I was NEVER going to be like her, I ended up that way in spite of myself.

[NightTrain]

10. Mentally ill mother, drunken abusive father.

You tell me how my childhood was.

[southerngirlwriter]

11. I hear you.

Been there, done that, have the t-shirt (which doesn't hide the scars).

You survived. Good for you.

[demgrrrll]

12. What interests me is why some people who have had horrible

childhoods turn into very empathetic adults and some
like the current pResident turn into narcissistic assholes.
The stories I have read about Bush's relationship with
his mother and the fact she played golf the day they
buried their daughter lead me to believe his was not the
warmest of households. Apparently they get off on put
downs of the worst sort. The mean ha ha I was only kidding
what's your problem sort of bunch.
I wish I knew what turns people in one direction or another.
Democrats do seem to be more caring and empathetic overall.

[ikojo]

13. All of my siblings are pugs for one or two reasons

Abortion: All of my sisters (there are three of them) are anti choice.

Military: My brother joined the military at 18 and stayed in for 21 years. Need I say more? He joined in 1980. Guess which political POV he was subjected to.

I think I am a lefty because I was PROFOUNDLY aware of what my mom was going through financially when I was growing up. I knew she worked HARD and we still didn't have enough money to pay bills. While my dad lived in a very nice house and his new family had nice clothes and enough food.

I was very class concious growing up.

[southerngirlwriter]

14. Did you read Al Franken's book about Rush?

Al Franken tells a story in there about reading one night, in bed with his wife.


He was reading a book about Bob Dole -- it told the story of his being in a full-body cast on a very long train ride home from war. His mother picked cigarette butts out of him when they got him. "They had used her boy for an ashtray."

Al and Frannie were discussing it.

"You'd think going through something like that would make a person very compassionate."

"Yeah. Or really angry."

I turned out compassionate. Some people turn out angry. I don't know why. :shrug:

[ikojo]

15. I was very angry but I turned that anger into activism.

I believe that the US can do much better for the poor.

I was angry because what I saw was that regardless of how hard someone works it is never enough. The boss only wants to pay so much in salary but wants more more more labor out of that one person.

The scarcity of my childhood is one of the factors that caused me never to long for children. I saw children as financial and resource drains. Growing up I sometimes blamed myself and my existence for my mom's money problems. I thought that if only she had not had all these kids then she would have more money.

[Deja Q]

16. I'm a shy, quiet, observant, paranoid loner for good reason

I can't trust people. I get deeply afraid when Ihave to interact with them.

As far back as kindergarten, and even prior to, it was hell.

I only remember one incident, only because of how much it'd hurt. A 'friend' and I were on a 'teeter-totter', I think they were called. We wanted to get off. He got off first and then never bothered to lower the leverage slowly. As a result, *THUMP*. It hurt like hell and, go figure, he did't get what was due him.

As a result of those years of hell, I developed a few problems by 3rd grade and they put me into special ed. Which was no ed at all and I was put in with quite the motley crew: A teacher who didn't know the fuck what she was teaching, an abusive monitor (I was one of the more docile students and yet everybody else got away with doing far, far worse), an antisocial student who kicked me in the teeth without provocation (even back then I clammed up and kept to myself) and I had no idea I was on his bad side, and a phy ed teacher who groped me every damn chance he got...

I got out of 'special' ed by 6th grade but students were still evil.

In 7th grade, I was sexually harassed and ultimately assaulted in a church. 'nuff said.

Looking back, even the one person who I considered to be a friend occasionally did cruel things too...

Here's one that's baffling: After a day in gym where we'd learned how to play badminton for no reason, we'd gone to the showers. The phy ed teacher (the groper) kept his distance... As I'd gone to my locker, another kid came to me with a badminton birdie, filled with what I thought was shampoo. They wanted me to touch it and then taste it. Bemused, I stared at it. Fortunately, Mr. Groper turned out to have a small amount of ethics as he heard them laughing and took it. (only 3 years ago did it dawn on me. The birdie was filled with a fluid only human males produce.)

There's the usual type of day when somebody would tell me I was God's little joke...

There's a lot I haven't said and refuse to say (including a molestation by yet ANOTHER person).

Oh, my parents did fight the school district constantly throughout the years. They knew what was oging on was wrong and I wasn't the guilty party. (okay, I did have a phase where I started doing bad things but that wasn't until 5th grade and didn't last long at all...)

Even in tech college, there was more badgering - all of it in the form of homophobia. But I ignored it.

As an adult, it's not been much better. The few men I haven't scared off in personals ads (I suppose saying outright in the ad that I'm looking for a LTR turns 'em off) ended up using me. But all of that is okay these days. Gay men only want one type of person and I'm 15 pounds overweight. I know I'll be single forever. And that's okay.

People who know me in person these days (I get along with the 40~60 year olds much more easily, oddly) would be shocked and appalled if they knew everything...

How come I ended up as a person with a conscience, who cares about people? This incontrovertibly proves what an oddball I must truly be. Logically, I should hate the human race with a passion... Oh well, nobody's perfect. I'm an idealist after all, I rarely have time to think.

Thanks for listening. Just don't tell me to get professional help. That's another tedious story, of which the ending goes like this: "I wouldn't trust those moronic fuckers even if my life depended on it."

[southerngirlwriter]

19. I hear you.

It sounds so fucking cliched to say, "I feel your pain," but I do.

I'm glad you survived and turned out to be who you are instead of some RW asshole.

I also understand about being single forever. I am overweight, too (although more than 15 pounds), and although I've never had a problem getting a date or finding a fuck-buddy (which I don't do anymore for a lot of reasons), the LTR thing eludes me. The only man I've ever considered marrying killed himself last year, but one of the conversations we had that I remember the most was about hetero men and how they judge each other in part by their female partners. He said that a lot of men won't ask out a fat girl, even if they think she's beautiful, sensitive, intelligent, attractive, etc. because of what other men would say. I asked him why we were together and he said that I was the only person he'd ever met who was smarter than he was or who remembered his birthday (he was both arrogant and needy, I guess, LOL) and because men are all assholes, anyway, so who cares what they think? That made me laugh.

I got the call that his body had been found about three weeks later.

As to the childhood stuff, well -- I have reason to believe that there were cameras at some of the sessions where I was molested by various people, some relatives, some not.

I don't need to tell you what I fear seeing every time I get a piece of spam with "lolita" in the subject line in the split-second it takes Outlook to delete them.

Yep. I'm about as damaged as you can get by the time you're 25. Ah well, I'm still an ABB vote in November. :-)

[ikojo]

20. Hypnotoad...I was one of those kids who was brutalized

in school as well.

In 7th grade I finally made it to the top of the monkey bars and then this other kid who had picked on me since 2nd grade got up there as well. He proceeded to push me off and I landed on my back. My mom was called and could not leave work. So she called one of my older sisters to pick me up.
I was taken home but not to the hospital (my mom could not afford it). The nurse told my sister not to let me take a nap (in case I had a concussion from falling) and what to look out for. We went to eat at a chicken place (going out to eat was a treat in my family).

I had ZERO social skills growing up. I still don't know how to do the small talk most people are comfortable with. I usually just sit and watch people while others interact. I thank G-d for things like PDAs because I almost always have mine with me. I have a subscription to avantgo and have some books downloaded so I have something to read with me at all times. It helps to cut down on talking with others.

I think one thing that helped me survive was books. I read everythign I could get my hands on. It showed me that there was a better world out there. I am still looking for it.

Now I tend to make fun of myself (about being geeky and fat) before others can do it for me. Some call it self depracting, I call it self defense. It doesn't hurt as much if I do it first. I know others are thinking the things I say aloud about myself anyway.

[Cuban_Liberal]

17. Extremely happy, but not perfect.

We moved more often than I would have liked, but other than that, it was good. :)

[MrSlayer]

18. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones.

My parents were and are great. I can't complain at all, sure we had the normal teenager/parent fights but they were only because I was wrong and didn't realize it. I had a great childhood.

[bubblesby2002]

21. Wow I guess I'm one of the lucky ones too

My Dad died when I was in my twenties, but other than that I had a great childhood. This thread brought tears to my eyes. Why are people like this to their kids and each other?

[put out]

22. I doubt most people would describe their childhoods as

lovely.

My parents divorced when I was 8, my little asthmatic ADHD brother 5 years old. Then my mother married the guy who lived across the street, who also had recently divorced. Surprise, surprise, surprise.

Then, it turns out, the youngest of my new step daddy's kids had already tried to finger f*** me when I was 6 and he was babysitting my little brother and me. He was 10 years older than I.

I am saying this wrong. It is not a "discovered memory". I was genuinely afraid of him, my step brother, I was afraid he would try to fuck me or my brother. I was afraid of my step father, he beat us with belts or fists. I spent my childhood in fear; floating anxiety.

So, now I am in a caring profession, and so is my little brother. Go figure how that happens.

We still carry our ghosts with us, but we are never going to do these things to another person. Never ever.

[southerngirlwriter]

23. A lot of people DO describe their childhoods as lovely.

This poll is running about 50% in the better-than-acceptable range.

I am sorry for what you went through and very happy for you that you've turned it into something positive by helping others. :hug:

[put out]

33. I am so glad things turned out the way they did. As Jesus said,

suffer the little children, to come to me.

It is not an accurate quote, but I sense you get the spirit of it. I just never want to hurt a child. My younger brother and I try to do a little to help.

Kim

[strategery blunder]

24. You don't want to know.

Let's just say that there I have not a single good memory of school between the time I entered the system and tenth grade.

My home life wasn't any better, either.

[LanternWaste]

25. I enjoyed myself...

My dad was in prison during my formative years and Mom worked a minimum wage job at a bowling alley leaving my seven year old brother and myself, a wee lad of five alone most of the time. If it happened these days, I suppose my brother and I would've been carted off to a state home (this was back in the early seventies)

but in all honesty, despite being dirt poor, I had a great childhood and cherish the memories of it. And Mom did read at least one chapter out of whatever book was on the list at the time to my brother and I every night, come hell or high water. She's told me recently that Christmas's made her cry because she did't have the money to get us what toys we wanted, but to be honest, I can only remember Christmases being really fun and exciting.

High school was a blast (if you consider that childhood, and I do). Made friends with the people I wanted to be friends with and dated the girls I wanted to date. Made my mark in the Band and Drama Dept's and made pretty good grades.

But on the other hand, my brother who had pretty much the same experiences I had, never seemed to adjust to things well and has had social and emotional problems for the same reasons that I had a great childhood. Go figure....

I'm about to take a Creative Consulting and Writing gig in Cancun, and he's doing good to be in a half-way house. Maybe it's simply what you make of it...

[Bertha Venation]

27. having voted on the very last option

I'll tell you only that I survived, then relived it all through years of intensive therapy, becoming a whole, healthy woman, and now I am happy. Nuff said.

[Kadie]

30. Just wanted to say

Good for you for working your way through to happiness. :hi:

Sometimes I feel like growing up "not happy" that I am destined to live the rest of my life that way. I am almost afraid to become happy, I just hope for a little peace, and most days I do find it.

Holidays, they always bring such a mixed bag of emotions for me.

[Bertha Venation]

31. holidays aren't easy

Peace can be had, for a lifetime. For some people it takes a lot of work. I wanted to give up. Like, die. Rather than keep working through. I'm glad I didn't, though.

Working for that peace is worth it.

I like your kitty, btw. :)

[southerngirlwriter]

32. I have a friend

who's been in Alcoholics Anonymous for almost 40 years. She's helped so many thousands of people work out their problems and make peace with themselves and their pasts that I have more respect for her than almost anyone else.

She grew up in circumstances worse than mine.

She says, "You know why they call us survivors? Some people don't survive."

I'm glad you survived, Bertha. :hug: