Dating the Asian woman.

[chaska]

Okay, so I'm settling into my new digs here in Los Angeles (after my move from SC).

...A young man's thoughts turn to love.

There are a lot of beautiful women here.

I bought a pair of glasses at a small shop in a predominantly Asian neighborhood. I really enjoyed interacting with the Chinese lady (not a native Amrerican) who sold them to me. I'm thinking I may ask her out.

But, I've never dated an Asian woman before and wonder about the pitfalls. I know for example that certain (all?) Asian cultures frown on inter-racial (how DO you spell that?) dating. Asian people certainly seem to want to live in the same areas as other Asians here. I get the impression that dating is very much more focused toward marriage than is usually the case with other races. Therefore, since the Asian woman would not consider marrying the Caucasian man, she would not be likely to date the Caucasian man. I also get the impression that it is considered unlady-like for an Asian woman to date outside her race. This particular woman is very much a lady.

So, what can ya'll tell me? Need advice on this one.

[jpgray]

1. Christ, just ask her out, who cares if you ruin Sino-American relations

:D

[Columbia]

2. A woman is a woman

Period. There are no psychological/personality differences in race. Culture perhaps, but not race. So I hope you don't fall into that trap at the very beginning.

[Paragon]

3. Limit references to "me love you long time".

:silly:

[PittPoliSci]

35. terrible...

but i can never NOT laugh when I see that...

:-)

[7th_Sephiroth]

4. just ask her out

i have dated a few asian womem from a few parts of the world and beside some ignorant parents, everything was fine

[chaska]

6. Yeah, that's part of it, I think.

There was a man there. I think he may have been her father. Got no encouraging vibes from him, fer sure.

[7th_Sephiroth]

16. expect to get total ice from

asian parents (this is from my own experience and not from any rwcial serteotype) especially from the older immigrant parents

[Paragon]

5. Impress her with a few karate moves.

:silly:

[chaska]

7. aaaeeeee!!!!

[tridim]

8. Make your first serious question..

"Do your parents approve of you dating a Caucasian?" I wasted a year of my life (and hers) pursuing such a relationship only to discover her parents hated me because I wasn't Asian. It got to the point where they wouldn't let her talk on the phone or leave the house. What a nightmare.

[chaska]

12. Good to see that I'm not crazy..

There are issues to consider. And I ask because, hey, if she says no, I'll try someone else.

[Paragon]

9. Be sure to call them "Orientals".

:silly:

[Rabrrrrrr]

13. "slant-eyed commie" is one they like, too

for the japanese, you have to use "slant-eyed kamikaze".

[Rabrrrrrr]

10. Nah, inter-racial dating is becoming pretty common

I'm with a Japanese woman, best friend for life I've ever had. :-)

Though if she's from a very traditional family, you could have problems indeed.

And if her English isn't quite up to snuff, if you DO start dating her you will have issues with that. Not insurmountable, but collissions WILL occur. And there will also be some clashes between your western American upbringing culture, and her Chinese culture, and often it will be silly little things: don't show her the bottom of your feet, no shoes inside, separate slippers for the bathroom, she might always assume she HAS to defer to you and it will drive you crazy (unless you want her always to defer to you)...

My partner and I had a number of explosions in our first couple years - never bad ones, just irritatingly trite-but-world-shattering. We got through it all, we learned from one another, and learned to adjust.

I think you should ask her out. i wouldn't worry to much about the next couple years, because you ain't gonna have 'em unless you ask her out to begin with.

Stop reading this and go ask her already.

Jees, what, do I have to come turn your computer off?

Get the hell out of here.

Go! GO!!!!

[chaska]

15. Well, jeez.

I have to wait a week for the glasses to come in. I'm in no great hurry.

[alvis]

11. Say Ni hao ma

and ask her out. Might as well, nothing to lose everything to gain. Just talk to her, it'll work out one way or another :)
:toast:

[chaska]

20. what's that mean?

[alvis]

26. It means How are you?

in Mandarin. I'm assuming the poster is correct that the woman in question is actually Chinese and speaks Mandarin.

[Lou_C]

14. My ex bought a bride from Asia

He picked her out of a catalog.

[chaska]

19. I knew a man when I lived in Seattle...

that bought his wife (African, sorry that's all I know) for a few goats. The marriage has lasted for well over twenty years. They produced some beautiful daughters ... one of which worked in the Clinton White HOuse.

[Lou_C]

22. I am not knocking it

I wish a women could pick a man out of a catalog of men for sale.

[pagerbear]

17. Be sure to tell u s how it goes when you ask her out!

Some of us have no lives of our own and desperately need someone to have adventures we can live vicariously through!

[Blue-Jay]

18. Trust me on this one: Ask her to dinner.

I'm sorry if I'm stereotyping, but in my experience, oriential women usually don't mind dating outside their race.

Go back in when she's the only one there and ask her to help you adjust your new glasses. Maybe they don't fit quite right (nudgenudge). Talk to her. Mention to her that you want to eat at a certain restaurant, but hate going alone.

She might shoot you down, sure. On the other hand, she might not. (same as anyone else, no?) You have nothing to lose, regardless of her background.

DO IT!

[Paragon]

21. Never shake hands; always bow to ALL Oriental people.

:silly:

[chaska]

23. Seriously? Cause if that's the case, I've already made one mistake.

I couldn't resist the possibility of touching her.

[Rabrrrrrr]

25. No, they know to shake hands with westerners,

especially if they're IN a western country.

But it's good for you if you also then bow to them, a good bow, too, not just a head nod, and go low, especially if it's her dad.

And never stick your chopsticks in the rice.

[chaska]

29. Seriously? Cause I do that all the time. Damn!!!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

24. yikes!

i did not realize there was only one caucasian man and one asian woman. now i do.

[Paragon]

27. OK, I've had my fun.

Sorry. Good luck, my friend.

[chaska]

28. Hey everybody, I have to step out for a half hour (dammit!),

but please keep the advice coming. I need all the help I can get.

Here's a problem for ya: I may simply be too old and/or ugly for her. I need to see her again before I decide if that's the case or not.

I will definitely focus the next meeting with her toward the possibility of a date. If I pick up no encouraging sentiment then I probably won't ask her. We'll see.

[Pithlet]

30. Have we covered all the stereotypes yet in this thread?

Just wondering.

Chaska, my advice to you would be to just ask her out, and don't worry so much about those other things. She will probably pick up on that, and it won't be good.

[On the Road]

31. Unless She's Just Off the Boat

don't worry too much about anticipating cultural clashes. She knows she's in another country. That may be part of the attraction. Just like a lot of American men like Asian women, a lot of Asian women have a fetish for American men. A lot of Chinese men expect Chinese women to play a traditional role. An American boyfriend can be a liberating experience.

I would recommend NOT trying too hard to act in accordance with her culture beforehand. Much of the advice you hear ---has limited application. She knows you're not Chinese. You'll be much more relaxed if you're just yourself. However, be extra attentive and open to positive or negative reactions. They can be a topic of conversation.

The best thing to realize is that, even if she turns you down, she'll appreciate being asked out and remember you for quite awhile. And there's a good chance she'll accept.

I've been with a Chinese woman for over five years. She's not typical, but then who is? It's been an exasperating but wonderful experience.

[chaska]

32. Actually she speaks English quite well...

with very little accent. I'm sure she's been here for years.

And don't worry, if I do this I will be myself. I'm pretty damn cool, if I must say so myself.

[On the Road]

33. Great -- No Way It's a Mistake, Then

Picture this worst possible case: After she turns you down, she'll meet her best friend, shake her head, smile, and say: "Guess what? I got asked out today." That's really not a bad scenario.

Or you go out with her and decide you're not compatible. A lot of Chinese people are very materialistic and are less likely to care about politics, the arts, the social sciences, etc. That's not so bad either.

[Columbia]

34. I don't think I've ever seen so many stereotypes in one post

:wtf:

[ForrestGump]

36. Oh, you ain't seen NUTHIN' yet...

B-b-b-baby, you just ain't seen n-n-n-n-nothing yet...



and more!

[sleepystudent]

37. Really...

First off, you use "Oriental" to refer to things, not people. The various people are known as "Asians". And a lot of them are, like, born and raised here in the United States and many of them basically built California, or were killed building the railroads. I was once told that one way to get a Chinese guy wailing on your ass was to refer to him as Oriental. And you need to be careful and make sure you are not dating her as part of some "Asian fetish" which seems actually quite common among many men(specifically white men) that I have also heard many Asians complaining about-dating her for her look and not for her. The references in many of these posts makes me think these stereotypes and lazy thinking is alive and well and doesn't bode well for this relationship