email saying my brother is dying from in-laws

[happynewyear]

And ... he died the next day of metastasized cancer (only a little over 40 years old).

I cannot believe that anyone would be so damn arrogant and uncaring as to contact anyone via email telling them that their brother (or for that matter anyone!) is in the hospital and dying.

I am beginning to really hate email and hate computers. :grr:

What can I do?

I've tried calling these "people" and they had not even been decency enough to call me even though I had contacted them asking them to call me ASAP if anything happened to my brother. In fact, I was not even told about the funeral. :grr: :grr: :grr:

I do believe we are now living in the year 2004, the year when the whole damn world doesn't have enough care nor have the basic decency to even inform relatives when someone dies. What kind of world has this become? Email is FINE for some things, but to inform a member of the family of impeding death is NOT acceptable! NO!

HOW I HATE WHAT WE HAVE BECOME!

So, I'd say this: Email sucks IMO. I am so disgusted. Who wouldn't be? I wish letter writing would come back and what about the telephone? :grr:

And to top it off my brother had a few things of no real value that belonged to my family (only two of us left now - the rest are all dead) and they aren't about to give me these items it seems. One of them is my late father's war medals from WWII.

Damn. I'm pissed.

What would you do?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

1. I'm very sorry about the loss of your brother

and the manner in which his family has treated you. I don't know enough about the circumstances to advise you. I think persistence in calling no matter how hard it is is warranted...as for the medals...give it a little time and then make the request again...grief does strange things to people.

Again, please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your brother...it is clear you are hurting and did not get to say goodbye.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

2. Even though they are grieving , I would still tell them how I felt .

They could have picked up a telephone . This is not like some forward chain letter or anything of less value , this was about a human being for goodness sakes , they should have called or came to you personally . My condolesences are with you and your family .

[happynewyear]

4. It was a "generic" letter sent to many

and it started out,

HELLO FOLKS! :grr:

They could have picked up the phone but now they are too busy picking over his things it seems.

Fortunately for him, he did not give them his password to his email account anyway. May God bless him!

I feel so angry and upset, I cannot tell you.

I HATE THESE PEOPLE!

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

11. I see you had a bad day too ...

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I know all about hate . I just replace my hate with moving far far away from the idiots that I hate .

[antigone382]

3. So sorry, baldearg

I wish I had some advice to give, but all I can say is keep your spirits up and don't let those people get you down. I agree that e-mail is an extremely callous way to send such a message.

Maybe a matter-of-fact letter to them about the medals would be in order.

[lostnfound]

5. I am so, so, so very sorry.

:cry:

That is really terrible. I don't blame you for being mad at them. I would say that 'maybe they were in a state of shock themselves' but I'd guess that you weren't exactly impressed with them before, either.

I think you should write them a polite note requesting the medals and other things that you would like to have. That will force them to recognize your wishes at least, and to deal with them one way or another. I am so, so sorry, baldearg.

[happynewyear]

13. yes I will try the note

I wasn't even going to bother to call again after the way I was blown off when he first fell ill last year.

However, I will write them a note. When I heard this father-in-law is already planning to work the great grandfather's clock over, that really did it. Something snapped inside of me.

I've been so upset all day I've had to take three Xanax being I felt like I was going to blow a gasket over this whole thing.

I bet this chickenhawk will keep Dad's war medals and claim they are his. Its a good thing my father wasn't buried because he'd be climbing out of his grave if it was there.

[aquart]

6. Your brother married into a family of heartless dolts, I see.

You can tell them. It won't help. Was temporarily related to such people myself. Was the name Dalwin? Bassis? Kantor?

[happynewyear]

9. he just married their very ugly daughter 2 years ago

and believe me, she is no prize (mental problems as well IMO). He proposed on Father's Day to make her father happy.

I asked for the items already and was blown off. Then I called them today (being I was told by the sister-in-law that "Daddy said ..."). They did not return my phone call.

It is like I do not even exist.

My other brother lives nearby where they are and they did not bother to call him either - just sent him the same "generic" letter.

He is equally pissed I believe.

I think you are right, it won't do any good to contact them again for I have tried. People like this are a total waste of space.

I hate this world we now live in. Their name was not Dalwin, Bassis, nor Kantor. They are supposedly devout Catholics. What a pile of shit that is. :grr:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

14. I hate this world that we now live in as well ...

I have been saying that more and more for the past couple of weeks now . Its gotten to the point where I just want to move away but to fight the hate , I plan on being as nice and positive to everyone that I can . But not letting anyone get over on me either . But I am still going to move away , if I don't ... I am gonna burst .

[mitchtv]

7. do not be ashamed to ASK for the items

and explain what the mean to your family. Then drop them completely.

[Guy Fawkes]

8. I'm so very sorry...

E-mail is the worst way to inform people of tragic events. Working with computers, I hear a lot of horror stories like yours.

I am very sorry about your brother.
:hug:
Fawkes

[zulchzulu]

10. Great Spirit prayers to you, your brother and all that were affected

How sad for you. I hope you can work out the message of your brother's death and find peace with his passing.

When you can, trace where your family became so distanced from you, that would help those issues. You should find answers for that pain.

Celebrate your brother's life first. Ask for some ashes and do your own ceremony if you need to. Try to finalize his death before the chance goes away and you're troubled years from now.

[GoldenOldie]

16. Been there...done that

You can always ask for replicas of your Brother's medals. They cannot take away the memories that you have of your brother. Think if him and he will come to you in those quiet times. If this is how they treated you his sibling during his last moments, they apparently did not treat him any better during his life-time. Forget them and only remember the good times you shared with your brother and know that nothing will replace and no one can share those moments.
They are very sad pathetic human beings be glad that you were not like them.

[happynewyear]

20. you are sooooooo right!

You hit the nail on the head. I'm going to copy/save your reply if it is ok with you. I will read it everytime I start feeling like shit.

They took the poor guy for all he had. They are disgusting people and I never want to hear from them or the sister-in-law again.

I am glad I am not like them; I'd never care to be one to deny the few meager belongings of a deceased father to his only daugther. I loved my Dad so much and my brother did too. It is killing me inside knowing them have his things. What about my brother? They cremated him with out even asking and my family owns two plots over 100 years old. And they were looking for money for this too. Had they only called ... :cry:

I will also keep my memories of him alive for it is all I have left of him along with his spirit which I believe is eternal. :(

Thank you. I needed this, believe me for I am heartbroken.

[Pithlet]

12. I'm so sorry

And that is no way to find out about the death of a loved one. That was crass and unfeeling, to say the least.

Get after them about those possesions. You have a right to some of them.

[happynewyear]

15. my mother died 2-1/2 years ago

and they came right away to gather up everything they could get. I was most generous with them, believe me.

The two items I want are pointless to anyone else.

It amazes me how greedy and disgusting people can be and yet they hide behind the cloak of religion (in this case Catholicism). They'll rot in hell for this!

[happynewyear]

17. thanks everyone

I really had to VENT if you know what I mean.

I'm going to bed. Enough of this self-torture!

:hug: to all! Lets hope tomorrow is a better day. :cry:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

18. Get together with your family member

and remember your brother together. Celebrate his life; and talk about your grief. You need each other now, and may find more strength to deal with these in-laws together.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. :hug:

[kestrel91316]

19. Sorry you are so hurt by this....................

it's a terrible thing to lose a family member so young. This sort of thing is why the Amish won't use a phone or the mail, even, to inform anyone of a death.It is all done face-to-face, they go around to every home in the neighborhood, so NOBODY feels hurt or left out. I realize this approach is not realistic in today's mobile society, but a telephone call is the next best thing. Doesn't matter if it takes 5 people all day long to get the job done. It's the right thing to do.