The Obnoxious Relative Rant Thread

[skygazer]

I know I'm not the only one here with obnoxious relatives. I've seen plenty of posts from others bitching about theirs. One of mine is driving me nuts and I need to vent.

I love my oldest sister but she's a pain in the ass. One of those people whose life is filled with drama. She has a tendency to bring up things that happened 30 years ago that she is still pissed about. I've never been able to put that much energy into bitterness myself. Still, I try to put up with her because she really has no one (no doubt because she's so unpleasant to be around for longer than five minutes).

She lives in Vermont and I live in California so I try to call her or write at least once a month. For 2 reasons - one, because I know she gets lonely and two, because my siblings all live in the same town as her and I know she drives them nuts, too. I keep in touch to give them a break, essentially.

My sister has many health issues and is on a fixed income and last March, she called me in tears because she was so messed up financially. Long story which I won't go into. So I lent her $300. Mind you, I have next to nothing, too. I'm living on disability while I recover from surgery and I live on $346 per week in the Bay Area - nearly impossible to do. But she was in a big bind so I helped her out. She wanted to send me the entire $300 back the following month but I told her not to. I told her to send $50 or $100 a month till I was paid back. Or whatever she could afford.

Well, since then, six months ago, I've received 2 payments of $100 each. Both times, I had to call her up and ask her when I was going to receive anyhting. Now it's been 2 more months without payment and without any word. I would be happy if she sent me $10. I would be happy if she called or wrote a note saying she couldn't send anything this month. But she doesn't even bother to do that.

I don't want to sound like I'm bashing a woman who's already down but this is par for the course with this woman. She whines about how no one cares about her troubles but when you help her out, she stiffs you. It's not the money as much as it is the fact that she makes no effort to at least keep in contact about it. So I wrote her a letter telling her to keep the final hundred bucks but don't ever ask me for another cent. Which I'll end up feeling guilty about.

Grrrrr......

So tell me about your obnoxious relatives. Maybe I'll feel better....

[drumwolf]

1. no obnoxious relatives of my own, just a question....

Does she have mental health issues? Was she actually formally diagnosed with some disorder or other? Sounds like it from what you've described. And I take it she's not married or has kids of her own.

[skygazer]

4. She has many mental health issues

She suffers from serious depression and she's also diabetic. She has a son who is around 30 and is fairly useless.

I have a ton of compassion for her, I really do, which is why I've tried to keep in touch and provide a sort of support system for her. I do understand her turmoil because I've suffered with depression myself. I think she has more trouble with it because she's kind of a negative person to begin with and I'm more of an optimist (a depressive optimist - how's that for a contradiction?).

She's a good person at heart but she does tend to use people. I don't think she means to - she manages to convince herself that they somehow "owe" her - I know that I will hear about all the things she did for me when I was a teenager which was 25 years ago and really all she did was let me stay at her house for a short time (maybe a month). And I do appreciate that but it was 25 years ago!!!!

I am the only family member who would lend her that money because she has burned everyone else at one time or another. There's always an excuse for it.

[wtmusic]

2. Never lend money to a relative

that you expect to be paid back. Never.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

11. Never ever lend money to a relative ...

No matter if they are sick , never ever lend money to anyone for that matter .

[HEyHEY]

3. I love her - but my younger sister is fucking clueless

Total product of the J-lo/ Britanny Spears craze. She just got fired from a job recently (ANd I doubt it was just because she IS a hard and dependable worker). But her "ambition" is to be a housewife. As well, she's thinking of going into event planning. I say "great well you're gonna have to go to school." But no, she wants to get a new car and isn't willing to sell the one she has now to pay for school (her car is worth about $13,000. She's not even willing to buy a clunker while she is in school.
I try to explain that kind of stupidity will lead her down the path to a place called losertown. But she just doesn't understand.

[asthmaticeog]

5. I've got a freeper uncle.

Loves to complain about welfare recipients, even though he was at the government teat most of his life. He was born on a farm in Ohio that got some public relief, his electrical engineering degree was paid for by the G.I. Bill, he had a taxpayer-funded job at NASA for fuck's sake. Since he retired, he spends all day litening to the radio -- you see where this is going, right? Limbaugh, Liddy, etc. etc. etc. He's also the only family member that I recall to have ever used an actual racial slur, and it was at the dinner table during the Passover Seder.

NOBODY in the family brings up politics in his presence, since there's no stopping the talking-points fountain once it gets cranked up.

[Gelliebeans]

6. Im sorry about your situation

I no longer have an obnoxious relative, because I just can't talk to my brother anymore. Its sad but for my own sanity I had to just cut off communication, I don't live in his angry world and I refuse to put my kid in that situation, he lives 30 mins away. It is very sad and my mother and father are heartbroken but we need sanity and he knows we love him but we refuse to put up with his crap.
I'm sorry this sounds harsh but its been 5 years now and the feelings are a bit numb now.:-(
I hope you can find peace

[johnnie]

7. To be honest

I do have some that are considered obnoxious, but I don't let it get to me. I talk to everyone in my family even if others aren't talking at the moment to one of the others.
I take people as they come, and just try to understand that they all can't be me. Sometimes it can be irritating, but to me it is better than having bitter feelings toward them.
Sorry for your situation, but first rule of family is...never lend them money if you expect to be paid right back, or back at all.

[skygazer]

8. Well, that's very true

And in my heart, I do know it. I guess one keeps hoping that someone they love will learn eventually. Like I said, it's not even the money so much as it is hurtful that she won't even acknowledge the fact that she owes it to me. It makes me feel that my situation is not important to her yet her situation was supposed to be very important to me.

It's like a kid who just can't seem to figure it out. They keep getting in trouble and you don't want to just leave them hanging but if you keep bailing them out, you know they'll never learn anything. But if you don't bail them out, you worry about their well being.

My sister is like an elderly parent, in a way. My brothers and sisters and I are basically her caregivers - those who live nearby make sure she has rides to the grocery store and to her doctor's appointments. Since I am far away, I try to stay in touch and offer what support I can.

I don't mean to sound mean and bitter either. I'm more sad than anything. Because I feel like the bad guy.

[johnnie]

9. I understand

My older sister is like that too in a way. I had to bail her out of getting her house taken away...it took forever for her to even try to pay me back. I was worried about her when she needed the money and I felt that it was better just to give her the cash and worry about it later, then worry about what was going to happen if she lost her home.
She took advantage of a lot of those situation and now we don't really jump when she complains, and she thinks we are all bad people.
I do talk to her though and I am nice to her. The rest of my family doesn't really like bing involved with her.
And I don't think you sounded bitter or the "bad guy". :hi:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

10. I am sorry about your situation ...

This must be a week of stupid relatives :

I don't mean to be rude but I find it hard to talk to my mom because I have a lot to get off of my chest . Now I know what it means with " misery loves company " . Nothing but absolute bad news comes from her . She always is trying to tell someone else what they need to do with their life when her life is going to hell . She is mean to everyone at work and then wonders why no one wants to go for drinks after work . She acts like only she can have a bad day . And as soon as she sees you stumble for a nanosecond , she swoops down like the depressing witch of the East and says " nanananananana " . That is damn stupid . Her financial situation should be better than what is is . She has a husband ( not my father ) who is cheating on her with the next door neighbor and he does not help her with any bills in the house . Everyone in the neighborhood sees them together . Even my grandmother has seen it and told her many times . I really don't care anymore ...

I basically moved far away to a foreign country to get away from it all . No matter whenever I called , it was always a sob story . Stupid me I am the only one that listens . And today I am sick of listening . She knows what she has to do . She did not talk to me while I was here in NC , so I left . ( What the hell did I ever do ? ) And then while I was overseas , she would call me crying saying " I cry in front of your picture weepfucketyweepweepweep . " So like an idiot , I came back . Bad move . And now that I am here , she does not talk to me . She chases people who don't give a damn about her and frankly I have lost all the care in the world . I am living my own life . I want to be happy . Damn that ... She is still dealing with issues from childhood . There are counselors out there to talk to . Everybody has an issue and everybody has a story . Basically , I am totally opposite , I am a listener and I am very heartwarming . She is very cold and isolated and because of that I did not recieve many hugs growing up . I tell people that I basically raised myself because sometimes I really think that I am adopted . I am more outgoing and I am always happy no matter what . I went through more in 5 years than what people go through in a lifetime . Since 1999 I have faced manic depression , panic anxiety attacks , my kidneys failed on me twice , and I was beaten up badly by my ex-boyfriend . And I got up from all of that - I changed my situation . She is going through a crappy marriage for no damn reason , she is not getting anything out of it . How do you call it a marriage when you don't even kiss , hug , talk nor do you sleep in the same room . She pays for everything around the house . The wear and tear on her face shows everyday . I don't know what to say , I just don't care . If she wants to continue living sadly , thats her business . But when its in your face what you need to do to change your life and you ignore , I think its idiotic .

Forgive me God for not caring anymore , but there is nothing I can say anymore . I am 24 years old now , I don't feel like repeating words that I have been saying since I was 6 and 7 years old . Damn ...

[skygazer]

12. Wow, I feel a lot better now

My problems are nothing compared to yours!

Sounds like you are the parent and she is the child. I'm so sorry - that's a hell of a lot to have on your plate. And though you say you don't care, it's obvious that you do. Otherwise, it wouldn't bother you so much.

Yeah, it sucks. You can't solve other people's problems and it sucks when they won't solve them themselves yet feel they have to dump them on their loved ones.

You sound like a smart person and a kid I'd be proud to call my own, if that's any consolation. I have a daughter the same age as you and I sure as hell wouldn't load my shit on her shoulders.

Have a hug. :hug: Have several. :hug: :grouphug: :hug:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

13. Hugs to you too :)

Yeah we care because they are our relatives lol . Its hard not to although I am gonna flip the switch any day now . Hope your situation gets better :)