what's the best way to get over someone and move on?...

[fallout]

so my girl really wants to "stop seeing each other"..

facts:

1) first relationship i've been in (7 months)
2) i really love her...

with that said, what's the best way to get over her and move on? what can i do with my freetime that will help me forget about her?

not just a newbie on du, also a newbie in relationships...

thanks all.

[foxy]

1. Welcome to DU

I am still foggy on this subject too so I can't help any.

[fallout]

40. thanks, it'll hurt but i appreciate all of du's input. nt

[BlackVelvetElvis]

2. Welcome fallout!

Those first relationships are painful when they end. You will probably go through many emotions (including anger).
Find something you really love doing and do just that. How about friendships? Sometimes friends are a good support system for these times.
Good luck.

[Spider Jerusalem]

3. The best way to get over it?

Time. About six months or so, probably. You won't forget, but the wound will heal...of course, you'll still have the scar to remind you.

And I'd say from experience that a clean cut heals quickest, so "not seeing each other" should mean "not seeing each other", not just "not dating each other". Maybe you can be friends again, later, but until you're over the breakup you shouldn't even try.

And you SHOULD take the time to mourn. The end of a relationship is a kind of death, and you ought to work through every phase of the grieving process. Like I said, time is the only real answer.

[BlueJazz]

4. Know that it's not going to be easy...but....try to .........

..."get out" as much as you can. Date..go to parties...take a girl to the movies and talk with her. It really does help and you start to see that even though your heart says "My girlfriend that I love was the only one for me", you start to see (through other women) that it's a nice romantic thought but not factually true...and you're glad of it!!

[xmas74]

5. Welcome to DU!

As to getting over someone-I'm not the best person to ask. Five years later and I still have anger issues.
But the first ones will stick out in your mind forever. It will get easier.

[mondo joe]

6. Watch a bunch of sad movies, alone, in the dark

And after you feel really bad for a while you'll start to feel better.

[democracyindanger]

7. good buddies

reminding you how much they hated her.

[pres2032]

10. yeah, or reminding me that she wasn't really a true friend

that helps too.

[mondo joe]

8. Actually, this sounds dumb but is good: steal something of hers

Not something valuable -- a cd or a pair of socks or a paperback. Something she'll think she misplaced when she can't find it.

I don't know why it helps - some sort of control thing I guess.

[pres2032]

9. welcome to DU!

I had a girl end our long, close friendship in september. We both considering each other our best friends and traded "i love you's" several times. It hurt when she broke off our friendship, it still hurts, but try not to focus on it. Ever so slightly, i am blocking her from my memory and every time she ignores me, it strenghens my will to move on. It takes time, that's all i can say, but eventually you'll be able to move on with your life.

[Floogeldy]

11. Just wait a while

:smoke:

[RagingInMiami]

12. Try this method

Everytime you're taking a dump, imagine you're shitting her out, piece by piece. Before you know it, you'll be over her.

[kevsand]

13. Ow!

And here I thought I was being crass to suggest that the best way to get over someone and move on, was to get on someone else and then move over. I feel like a goddamn romantic compared to the dump therapy...

[RagingInMiami]

15. You'd be surprised

It works.

[Radical Activist]

18. LOL

Oh man that's fucked up. I may have to try that sometime. Have you ever told a woman you were getting over that you do that? That could be satisfying.

[RagingInMiami]

20. I've only used that method twice in my life

And no, I never have told them that.
But I've been able to have a smug smile on my face when I see them in the following days, knowing that I had just flushed them down the toilet.

[bilgewaterbill]

14. First, give up on getting over her.

Your time together will be some of your life's best memories.
Second, keep in mind that none of your friends and family want to stop seeing you- this is her issue.
Third, as soon as you can stomach it, see someone else- not with an eye toward permanence, just companionship. It'll take 2+ of these before you can start feeling serious so just find some attractive "friends".
Fourth, you WILL feel better in time. Hang with friends and family until then. Talk until people are sick of you. You can make it up to them later.
Fifth, WE'RE here.

Best,
Bill

[SoCalDem]

16. The 100 year Rule

100 years from now it will not matter one bit:P

Seriously, though..

Make NEW friends
Force yourself to do new things.. things that you did not "share"
Quit playing the "shared songs"
PUT THE PICTURES AWAY
Go places where you KNOW she will NOT be..
Stay away from places where you KNOW she WILL be.

When you meet someone new, make a conscious effort to NOT compare..

It will hurt, and it's supposed to hurt.. It's toughening you up, so that the person you eventually become will have a multitude of experiences under your belt, and you will recognize your REAL soulmate from the "prep" soulmates you test out before you finally decide :)

[femmecahors]

17. Strenuous Daily Exercise! n/t

[Name removed]

19. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Amfortas]

22. NightTrian ! that's not a joke !!!!!!!!!!!!

[Donkeyboy75]

31. You need help.

How is that supposed to be funny?

[Hardrada]

21. I wrote a novel about this.

Writing helps too. Except I was making obsessive journal entries about her and made myself stick to other topics. Turning her into a fictional character albeit 11 years later helped greatly!

[burrowowl]

23. Move on

and figue out why you don't want to.
Sometimes we want something that isn't good for us. Develope yourself and the right person will show up.
If you are young, yes hormones get in the way.

[petronius]

24. Boil her rabbit!

But if that doesn't work, I don't know what to tell you. Definitely put away the keepsakes, stop going to the shared places, and do not try to find any oh-so-logical reasons to call. Basically it just takes time - don't mope and it will take less time...

[HEyHEY]

25. hookers

[imenja]

26. The most important thing is to realize it's over

not keep thinking that you'll get back together. Accepting the end of the relationship is the biggest step in starting to heal, in my experience.

[CanuckAmok]

27. There's really only one choice:

http://www.foreignlegionlife.com/

[Susang]

28. I concur

Only there can you forget. ;-)

[CanuckAmok]

29. seriously... it would be cool to say you'd done it.

And it's a fraternity for life.

If I was younger.......

[Hardrada]

30. Used to be Piracy on the High Seas

was kind of an option too. Or becoming a highwayman. Sigh.

[CanuckAmok]

41. Piracy is still an option in the South China Sea of off Baja.

Hell, you could commute to Baja.

I think the parrots are outsourced temps now, though. That's "progress" for ya. Now you don't know which parrot you're going to get...whether he knows what he's doing, if he has a criminal record, if he's even going to show, and not leave early because he has a gut-ache...

[WindRavenX]

32. wow. The irony of this timing of this thread kills me.

Guess why I'm up this late.

[fallout]

33. why are you up so late? why is it irony? nt

[northzax]

34. the following things will not help:

drinking.
drugs.
violence.
hookers.

ok, they will help, but only for a few minutes, then you're back to square one.

don't see her. don't talk to her. find other friends (and for the love of god don't talk abotu her non-stop, that's boring after 72 hours or so).

DO NOT CALL HER in the middle of the night. that's what your hand is for.

[hunter]

35. Get into a huge fight 300 miles away from home and jump out of her car...

...while it's moving.

Then take the midnight bus home. Nobody will ask you why your clothes are ripped, or why you are bloody. Nobody will sit next to you either.

By the time she sends you your stuff, without any note, you will be healing quite nicely.

Then take a bunch of university English courses and insert stories about her into everything you write. At first you may write some vicious stories about her, and your English Professor will start to question your mental health and recommend counseling, but in time these stories will mellow, and eventually you will begin to realize it was all for the best.

A very short time later your ex will marry her one true love, get a very well paying job, and they will buy a house by the beach and have kids. After a couple years of wandering around aimlessly, you too will find and marry your own True Love and live happily ever after.

[Bullwinkle925]

36. I'm sorry -

There is never any good answer for your question. The best is - time.
It is an emotional wound and only time can heal it - leaving a tender scar in its' place. I do believe that there is a purpose and reason for what happens in our lives. This is another one of those instances where there is a lesson to be learned for you. What that lesson will be only YOU can realize. Until you begin to heal, keep yourself busy with friends and family. Take up a new sport or hobby that can help to keep you busy.

Take care.

[redqueen]

37. Get involved with something that interests you.

Deeply involved. Politics is a good option... PLENTY of work to be done... will keep you as busy as you want to be.

Good luck... sorry about your situation. :hug:

And welcome to DU, too. :hi:

[SOteric]

38. Fill your time up with things that are new

Don't go to the same old places any more than you absolutely have to.

Volunteer your time with a food bank, a political campaign, a hospital. Take a class in something you've always wanted to learn, -fiction writing, photography, Thai cooking...whatever.

The less time you have available for sitting around missing what could have been, the better off you'll be.

In time, you might even meet someone at one of these activites that makes you glad you're available, but don't get ahead of yourself. Right now you just need to focus on developing the interests you have other than this relationship.

Best of luck.

It isn't easy, but time will ease the pain.

[amazona]

39. get obsessive with someone else

New love drives out the old. Those rebound relationships can be intense though so watch out.

The conservation movement is a breeding ground of communists
and other subversives. We intend to clean them out,
even if it means rounding up every birdwatcher in the country.
--John Mitchell, US Attorney General 1969-72