Workplace bullying, any thoughts?

[Darth_Kitten]

Hello All,

I would appreciate any feedback, I'm too upset to think clearly at the moment. :( :silly:
Seems my workplace bully, a woman who's had it in for me for years, along with one of her pals, is recruiting people in my work area to put me down and make my life there a hassle. :eyes:

Today's incident:

We are moving at work, so I was clearing off my desk (as we were told to do) Apparently that wasn't good enough for "C". Oh, he says to me, I've got work on my desk from "B" that YOU (I was covering "B" last week, he was gone) didn't do. Excuse me? I said. He said don't get defensive or anything (he's in a bad mood something amiss at home perhaps, anyways he's got a reputation and is a jerk)
Let's just say that "B" is a malcious troublemaker, and over the years, I've cleared off literally weeks, even months of work at his desk when I'm backing him up. Oh, I tell "C" I didn't know that YOU were helping, and it really isn't my desk to clean up when it's NOT EVEN MY DESK? He's all snotty and made some remarks that implied I'm a slacker, I'm this, I'm that. So untrue and so unfair. No, actually I tell him I'm the LAST person who needs to be reminded to do stuff at that desk. Oh, "C" says, we do nothing then and you do everything? (how can people hate me like this when they don't even know me or I've been nothing but decent to them? They are being goaded, not the first time, not the last time, this has got my old bully's name all over this)


Supervisor is no help, oh, go see "B", or talk it over with "C". Geez, go back to the troublemakers and work things out, I don't think so. :eyes: (she's known for not taking a stand on anything, and tends to favour the bullies) Also, the union is no help, they never helped me before. :(

Anyways, the thing that rattles me, is that these people have nothing better to do than 1) attack me when they are in bad moods 2) believe garbage from people who are the LAST people to talk about responsibility 3) made me a scapegoat for whatever problems theny are having.

I just want to be left alone, but apparently, that isn't going to happen soon.

That's my rant for today. :(

[Midlodemocrat]

1. Man, I feel for you.

I am in a similar situation as a volunteer at my child's school. It has been hell dealing with this POS.

You, however, need to go to human resources, or what doubles as human resources immediately. You have protection from a hassle workplace and you are entitled to that protection.

[Darth_Kitten]

3. Did I mention that human resources sucks?

Let's just say that I don't trust them either. Long story. :(

[moez]

14. OK.... devil's advocate...

Now.... the woman's out to get you.... "B" is out to get you... "C" is out to get you..... Your supervisor isn't jumping in to help. And, HR is worthless...

In my past, I had been a manager for many years. In that time, I had come across people who were always being "picked on" by "everybody". What I learned in that time, is that it's rarely the case were "everybody" is wrong and the lone complainer is completely innocent. In fact, I usually found the opposite to be true....

Is it remotely possible that problem may be on your side?

[Darth_Kitten]

16. No.

You have to trust me on this one, bullies and problem people exist.

[moez]

19. Can you think of what the motivation might be

of the woman, "B" and "C". They probably didn't just wake up and decide to make your life miserable. Why do you think they are behaving the way they do?

[Darth_Kitten]

25. They have a history.

I'm not their first "victim". I don't know what triggers their maliciousness and pettiness, I really don't. Nothing to this extent, all the time.
One spark that could have set this fire is the fact that a few years ago me and a co-worker went above her head to complain how overtime being abused and some other workplace issues. That's exactly when the trouble started.
But that was nearly seven years ago, she needs to get a life. :) People have told me, many in fact, that once you "cross" her she will never leave you alone. She is quite friendly with "B" and "C".

I try to live my life and stay out of their hair. :) I try. ;)

[moez]

26. OK....

It sounds like I may have been off base.

If that's the case though, I'd get my resume out there and bail out. If she's been holding a grudge for 7 years, it's doubtful that it'll get any better.

[Darth_Kitten]

30. What you brought up was fair.

I respect that. :)

Except I've wracked my brain far too long on this issue, and I refuse to take responsibility for other people choosing to act the way they do.
I just want peace. :hi:

[XanaDUer]

21. I've never really been bullied at work

but there are corporate cultures where it goes and, and people look the other way when it goes on.

So, yeah, maybe this person is paranoid (not saying she is), but could also be a snakepit full of the dysfunctional bullying types of people.

[moez]

24. I agree, it's possible.

It's just that when it's EVERYBODY, plus the supervisor, plus HR - sometimes you have to look at the "victim".

I'm sure we've all come across types that seem to attract problems. Sometimes it's hard to put your finger on just why - but they do. I think that it's important to recognize this and not run off and immediately blame everyone else.

[Darth_Kitten]

28. I work hard and don't bother people.

Trust me, the atmosphere in my workplace is not very positive or encouraging.
If I did something to set somebody off, I would have recognized that and dealt with it. :)

I'm not blaming everybody else, just the people who have never been there for me or for anybody else in the office who's needed some support. They are failing many good people.

I work hard, try to be pleasant and supportive to others, and go on with my life.

[HEyHEY]

2. Beat the ever loving shit outta her already

Or at least get some payback.

[Darth_Kitten]

5. I can only dream.

;)

[HEyHEY]

13. Seriously, DK - get some fucking vengence

Sabatoge her or something. Or look for a new job... then spill as much dirt on her as you haver to her boss.

[KitchenWitch]

4. Document everything

then speak to the Human Resources person, with your shop steward present. This sounds like harassment.

[Darth_Kitten]

7. That's what I should be doing, yes.

I'll keep instances like this in my own little file. :( It's so hard to "prove" harassment, bullying, etc, so they always seem to get away with it. :(
Something's gotta change. I deserve respect, not this garbage. :(

Thanks

[KitchenWitch]

9. I hope you can get it worked out

Workplace problems suck elephant d***. :hug:

[XanaDUer]

12. Unless you love your job to bits

and are very well compensated, it may be time to quietly look for another position.

Some places just suck, as do the people in them, and it's best to move on rather than make yourself miserable being around them and their negativity.

[BrklynLiberal]

10. Ditto, and get your resume ready, and start looking. Let them try to

get their job done without you to do it for them.

AND there are special workplace harrassment lawyers.

http://www.laborlawtalk.com/archive/index.php/t-562.html

http://www.now.org/issues/wfw/speakout/msg00183.html

http://www.thelaw.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3626

http://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=225685
(Workplace Slander & Sexual Harrassment)

[VelvetMonkeyWrench]

6. Smile and wait a while...

...then when they're convinced you're a pathetic wimp start a slow-mo retribution campaign.

There's some REAL ugly stuff you can do to people that will make their lives unpleasant.

Simple things...like an annonymous phone call to child protective about "child abuse" going on. A few posters with pics tacked to phone poles about "a child molester in the neighborhood" who happens to be your mark.

A bit of electrical tape altering the numbers/letters on a license plate will certainly draw some close scrutiny from the cops if they're ever pulled over for speeding or get a parking ticket.

Don't "nuke them" to the point where they think its a concerted high intensity harrasment campaign, you just want a nice slow burn of annoyances over a long time.

- Always be mindful of leaving any evidence.
- When handling "stuff", use surgical gloves.
- Never make calls from your own phone - use a pay phone 15 or 20 miles away.
- There are modestly priced devices that alter the voice as well - a thing called a DVC-1000 is one I'm familiar with. The DVC-1000 has a button on it to simulate a barking dog in the background too. Very snazzy ;->
- Never lick stamps or envelope flaps, always use a sponge/water. Always avoid depositing any DNA bearing residue.
- There is a woman who runs a remailing business in New Zeland who's name escapes me at the moment. For a modest fee, you send her something and she'll see that it goes out to the intended "mark" with a NZ postmark and is completely untracable back to you. There's other domestic remailing services as well who can provide levels of indirection. Layer them to provide even ore security.

And most important of all - KEEP SMILING and playing the hapless fool as you watch them start to meltdown ;->

[XanaDUer]

8. Depends.

If this troublemaker is on the same level as you, whether she has influence, etc.

If the same level-then do what I did-I turned to the bitch who was always nasty and busting everyone's chops and embarrassed her in front her everyone, so much that she ran away and cried, looking for comfort from another worker who hated her guts, and basically blew her off.

I have no idea what she did behind my back, but damn if she tread lightly around me after that.

OR, if above you, you can be passive aggressive yourself.

Remember, bosses never want to deal with these personality issues. On the plus side, that also means that they don't want to deal with the schmucks when they run and complain about you, too.

[Darth_Kitten]

15. She's my "supervisor"

actually she's a clerk who just has more seniority. She ain't special. ;)

"C" guy is a problem guy who should have been fired a while back except he lives with someone high up where I work.

I like that "plus" side, maybe I'll push back a little bit more. :)

[XanaDUer]

17. You sound like a nice person

sometimes, nice people get picked on by not-nice people who love to make themselves feel better by crapping on people.

Bullies usually fold when confronted without fear, without loudness or tears. Glance over at these tormentors and just smile enigmatically from time to time. I would not go as far as to do stuff like call Child PRotective Services, etc. Why drag in innocent kids, and why clog up an overworked system with revenge-type stuff? But, you know, important papers can go missing sometimes, if you get my drift.

As for HR-they are NEVER there to help anyone, especially a worker. They are there to cover the company's ass. That's it.

[Darth_Kitten]

20. I am generally nice, maybe too nice to some

I'm going to look after myself a little bit more. I'm going to document, document, document.

What goes around will come around, I'm always told. :)

[madison2000]

11. I went through it early last year on a contract assignment

and it was horrible. I made it to the end of a 6 month assignment but there was a woman there who made my life hell on earth.

Got a lot of information from this site.

http://www.bullyinginstitute.org/

Good luck with it.

[Wapsie B]

18. I've been there before.

Well sorta. I had just been passed over for a promotion when our boss left. They brought someone in from outside the company to run things. Suddenly I could do nothing right. I was micro-managed in everything I did on the job. I had catty notes written in bright red magic marker hanging from my desk every night when I came to work. This person would phone me during my shift and harrange me about whatever they felt like. It got to the point that when my grandmother died, this person asked me, "Well, how does that affect me?" No sympathy whatsoever. I ended up quitting. But I know now that that is what they wanted; to get me out. But in the long run it was the best move of my life.

I'm so sorry you have to go through something like this. It really gets to you.

[Darth_Kitten]

22. I'm sorry for your experience.

:(

[blueknight]

23. pour piss in her coffee cup

i never got bullied at work. but i could see how it could happen

[ZenLefty]

27. Illegitimus non Carborundum

Which roughly translates to "Don't let the bastards grind you down."

You may not like my answer, and feel free to tell me to go jump in a lake, but I just don't let that crap get under my skin. If I think about it for ten seconds, that's nine seconds too long if you ask me.

B: Zen, I've got work on my desk that you never did.
Zen: Sucks to be you, huh?

B: You think you do all the work around here and you're better than everyone else.
Zen: Whatever.

B: You're a slacker, Zen.
Zen: *yawn*

- - - - - -

Bullies try to get your goat. Don't give it to them. You get to the point you don't even hear what they say. When you respond with indifference and apathy (or better yet, just ignore them), they either get frustrated and implode, or they learn to leave you alone. I've seen both.

If they cause real trouble, like trying to unload work on your desk that doesn't belong there, document things and take the appropriate actions. But don't let them boss you around if they're not your boss.

And finally, once in a while they catch you when you have done something wrong. Own up to it right away, and promise to take care of it immediately. Don't make a big deal out of it, and if they insist on making a big deal out of it, ignore them. I've been known to tell customers and co-workers alike "Do you want to yell at me or do you want me to take care of this problem?" If they say they want to yell at me, I say "tell me when you're done so I can get started on this."

Well, there's my Office Survival Tip of the Day. Tomorrow, we'll go over untraceable poisons and file-cabinet incendiary devices. :D

[Darth_Kitten]

29. I'm feeling better already.

:D

[GCP]

31. Same kind of thing's happening in my workplace

My supervisor, L, is the sweetest woman in the world, so much so that the 4 nurses working under her (me and 3 others), have stuck by her even though we could make a lot more money elsewhere. We work for a state-funded elder care agency, and one of the other supervisors has made L's life such a misery by her constant harrassment, that L's on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
It came to a head last Friday and L was reduced to tears and trembling by Ms Bitch, and told me she was ready to walk out. She's hung on and hung on, mostly for personal and insurance reasons, with no support whatsoever from the executive director - a crony of Ms Bitch, but this time was different. I walked down to the the human resources woman - also a crony of the ED, and told her point blank that if L went, all the nurses were leaving with her - and that would be cause for the ED to lose her job - the agency is mandated to have a nursing dept, and on the salaries we get, they'll never replace us. L also called one of the board members and told her what was happening, and she's also spoken with a lawyer friend of hers.
We're waiting for whatever happens next, but I, for one, relish the idea of sticking it to them if nothing's done.

[Darth_Kitten]

32. That is very noble of you to stick by L

That is actually a very brave and classy thing to do. :) Not too many people have what it takes to stand up for another person.

I wish you the best. :)