"Pull On My Penis and See Me Pee!"

[Rabrrrrrr]

And other book titles taht would be totally inappropriate for reading aloud to a classroom of children, such as:

"Daddy drinks because you're a tattle-tale"

and

"Bi-Curious George"

and

"Cook County Jail: Words Spoken in the '92 Riot"

[Dark]

1. Don't forget "My SPECIAL pet goat"

or "Daddy doesn't live here any more: He's in jail"

or "Acid: How to get your cartoon pals to play with you!"

or even "Jesus loves you (as long as you aren't a democrat)"

[Rabrrrrrr]

2. "Daddy Hits Mommy Because You Are Bad"

[Dark]

3. Ooh, I like that one.

Give your kids these for Christmas:

"Knives: The best toy invented"

"It's not your fault mommy's divorcing daddy, it's the gays."

[Rabrrrrrr]

4. "Everyone Knows You Wet Your Bed"

[Dark]

6. Don't forget this stocking stuffer!

"Mommy likes it when you scream real loud"

"How the heathen Jews ruined Christmas, and what you can do to stop it!"

And my personal favorite:

"The monsters under your bed are real, and Mommy is in cahoots with them"

[Rabrrrrrr]

10. "Mr. Rogers And Mr. McFeely Get Into A Whisky Fight Over Lady Aberlin"

"Jesus Hates You"

"Running With Scissors Is Fun!"

"Touching Grandpa In Secret Places"

[Dark]

11. "Fun with dirty syringes"

"Playing football with moving cars"

"Wolves and Bears, the cuddliest animals alive"

[name not needed]

5. "The toys in Mommy's Sock Drawer"

[NewJeffCT]

7. LOL - good one

thanks for the laugh.

[Elidor]

9. ...

:rofl:

[Ellen Forradalom]

8. "You Can't Be Anything Fun When You Grow Up"

"Mommy and Daddy Don't Love Each Other Any More"

"Your Brother Does Not Look Like the Plumber, So Quit Saying That"

[NMMNG]

12. "Fun with Dick and Dick"

and its companion volume "Fun with Jane and Jane"

[Wapsie B]

13. "I have two Mommies."

or "I have two Daddies."

[Bucky]

29. I wouldn't mind that one. It's sure not as bad as "I Had Your Two Mommies"

[UncleSepp]

43. OMGLOL Almost as bad as "Mommy's white and daddy's black"

Are you sure you're posting on the right board?

[sleipnir]

14. "Mommy and Daddy, Don't Fight!...Another Worthless Plea"

n/t

[Rabrrrrrr]

15. "Touching Uncle John"

[Rabrrrrrr]

16. "The ABC/123 Photo Book of Murder and Suicide Victims"

[AngryAmish]

17. "Yes, You Should Touch Daddy There"

[Rabrrrrrr]

18. "Don't Trust That Kid - He's Black!"

[Rabrrrrrr]

19. "Your Parents Lie to You"

[eyesroll]

20. MY classmate in seventh grade wrote a whole series of mysteries:

"Who Put Razor Blades In Mommy's Tampons?"

"Who Put Hydrochloric Acid In Daddy's Condoms?"

"Why Does This Toilet Paper Feel Like Sand?"

"Who Put Salt Tablets In Uncle Joe's Nitroglycerine Case?"


He tried to turn one in for our "children's literature" unit, and promptly got called in to the principal. He'd been there before, during the science fiction unit, when we were supposed to make bumper stickers for spaceships -- his was "Up your afterburner."

[HughBeaumont]

21. "Daddy's Wearing Latex Again"

"Where the Meth Lab Ends"

"Everybody Smokes"

"'Stop Hurting My Feelings!' and other Ineffective Phrases to Say when Dealing with a Thick-Headed Bullying Coital Mistake"

"My Polygamous Family"

"Billy's First Chubby"

"He's Not Blowing Bubbles! The Funny Smell from Your Older Brother's Room"

"Count Grischnacht's Children's Occult and Church Burning Stories"

"You're the Smelly Kid in Class"

[Puglover]

22. Exploring Kitties Private Parts

:evilgrin:

[AngryAmish]

23. "Stop Using the Toilet"

[AngryAmish]

24. recommended!

[ThatsMyBarack]

25. "Mommy, why does everybody have a bomb?"

Got it from a Prince song (the extended version of 1999, to be exact).

[Rabrrrrrr]

26. "That Man On Daddy is Your New Second Dad"

[Bucky]

27. The Lli'l Engine that Could Meets the Stalled Out School Bus that Couldn't

BLAM! Of course it's funnier if it's orphans on the school bus.

[datasuspect]

28. when mommy's friend "uncle steve" plays our secret game with me

in the bathroom.

[datasuspect]

30. the little golden book of national socialism

[pdx_prog]

31. You're the reason Mommy drinks...

[Arugula Latte]

32. Fun with Electric Sockets and Other Games for Kids nt

[XemaSab]

33. "Every time you let Father O'Malley touch you, an angel gets its wings"

n/t

[Rabrrrrrr]

34. "Knives and Electrical Outlets: Nature Intends them to be Together"

[Briarius]

35. The VCR/DVD player likes popsicles!

playing dead till mommy cries and other fun games

[LynzM]

39. Dude, that's evil....

x(

[proud2BlibKansan]

36. Here are a bunch:

"You Were an Accident"

"Strangers Have the Best Candy"

"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"

"Some Kittens Can Fly!"

"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"

"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"

"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"

"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of Western Eur- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"

"All Dogs Go to Hell"

"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"

"You Are Different and That's Bad"

"Dad's New Wife Timothy"

"Pop! Goes the Hamster....and Other Great Microwave Games"

"Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets"

"The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"

"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"

"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"

"The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"

"Start a Real-Estate Empire with the Change from Your Mom's Purse"

"The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"

"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"

"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead"

"How to Become the Dominant Military Power in Your Elementary School"

"Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"

"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God Did It"

"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"

"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"

"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"

"Bi-Curious George"

"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"

"Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver"

[Elidor]

37. "Science fun with sulphur & black powder"

"How to pimp white girls in the city"

"It's fun to be a janitor!"

[TK421]

38. The Adventures of Robby Razorblade and Alice Alcohol

[LSdemocrat]

40. Dr. Seuss's "Fun With Guns"

[GrpCaptMandrake]

42. Other rejected Dr. Suess titles

1. The Cat in the Blender
2. Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert
3. Fox in Detox
4. Who Shat in the Hat?
5. Horton Hires a Ho
6. The Flesh-Eating Lorax
7. How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day
8. Your Colon Can Moo---Can You?
9. Zippy the Rabid Gerbil
10. Are You My Proctologist?
11. Aunts in My Pants
12. The Grinch's Ten Inches
13. Green Cheese & Spam
14. Who Flung Goo on Betty Sue?
15. One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, You Bitch

I didn't write 'em, but they *are* funny

[TrogL]

41. Things to do in a dark alley