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The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will
be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was
the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a five-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English."
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c." Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k." This should klear up
konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f." This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the fourth yer, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v."
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou"
and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze
forst plas.
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