Dating Poll: Guy in his 40's, woman in her 20's

[RetroLounge]

Poll question: Dating Poll: Guy in his 40's, woman in her 20's

Have a date tonight.

(Not me of course, purely hypothetical)

[matcom]

1. BRING A POLE!!

and ask her to dance around it! :bounce:








































:P

[RevolutionaryActs]

3. Oh shit

:spray:

[RetroLounge]

6. ...

:rofl:

RL

[petronius]

46. You know, a picture would have fit nicely in all that blank space

Your post would have been more informative with an illustration... :)

[GOPisEvil]

2. If they make each other happy, what right does anyone have to judge?

Also if a woman in her 40s wants to date a man in his 20s, I say go for it!

[AKPacker]

7. Age does not matter

if two people are committed to each other! If it makes them both happy....GO FOR IT

[RetroLounge]

10. I so agree...

and still would like to thank the 42 year old blonde I met in Seattle when I was 26.

RL

[AKPacker]

13. You Lucky Dog!

Did she teach you new tricks?

[RetroLounge]

Tricks passed down thru out the years

RL

[AKPacker]

21. Envy

will get me nowhere fast!

:thumbsup:

[GOPisEvil]

18. Ah yes...I had a fling with a 41 year-old woman when I was 26.

Memories...:D

[two gun sid]

4. Sounds like a Dateline sting operation.

[greatauntoftriplets]

5. My nephew is 25....

living with a woman who is 37. Who has three kids. And who is not yet divorced from her husband.\

Have a good time.

[RetroLounge]

8. Like I said

(Not me of course, purely hypothetical)

:D

RL

[La Lioness Priyanka]

9. you know i think you are cool and i like you but

i find that age difference to be unethical. the power imbalance is too much.

[RetroLounge]

11. Hypothetically speaking of course

15 year difference...

(and I think she's wielding the power.)

RL

[La Lioness Priyanka]

12. its unethical. seriously, i strongly believe so.

with that said....hope you get laid :P

[RetroLounge]

14. I agree with part of what you said.

29 is old enough to make informed decisions...

RL

[GirlinContempt]

22. Power imbalance?

I dunno, I think it's fine. There's nothing unethical about falling in love with someone. 'Power imbalances' can happen in relationships with no age difference at all, it depends on the people and how they relate to each other.
If my not-much-under-40 year old had been 40 when I met him, but was still as amazing and wonderful, I still woulda hit on him.

Edit:
I actually should point out I'm not sure what you mean by 'power imbalance', actually.

[LaraMN]

26. YEah- I'm quite uncertain as to who has the "power" in that arrangement.

and I agree that it could quite conceivably be acceptable, depending on the individuals involved.

But then you and I seem to have that "Doppleganger" thing going on, lately, huh?:rofl:

[GirlinContempt]

27. Possible suggestions:

The man who is older, because, well, he's a man. Men lord it over chicks. Fucking patriarchy.
The man who is older, because, well, he's older. Age is power, somehow, in a society that values youth.
The woman who is younger, because, well, she's a woman. Women can control men. Fucking matriarchy.
The woman who is younger, because, well, she's younger. Youth is power and men are easy to manipulate.

None sound very likely ;)

I'm gonna have to start following you around the board form-posting "ME TOO" ;) :hi: We're twins!

[LaraMN]

52. Exactly.

Perhaps my husband could lord over me because he's taller and stronger.
Perhaps I should have power over him, because I'm more traditionally "intellectual."

People can always fabricate issues or circumstances with which to wield control over another person, if they so choose; but that "other" person must submit to being controlled in order for that to work. Age is just one of many factors of differentiation that exists between two people. It needn't be a hindrance if the individuals connect and have healthy interactions.

:hi:

[Left Is Write]

29. Why? What's unethical about it?

If I had to guess about any "power imbalance", I'd say the "power" probably belongs to the young woman in this case. If the man in his 40s is a nice guy, recently hurt, going through a tough time and a little vulnerable - he's not the one with the power.

Besides, we're presumably talking about two consenting adults. I'm not seeing anything unethical about that.

[NNadir]

30. I'm 11 years older than my wife.

She was the mature one when we married.

After 20 years, we don't notice the age difference. We did notice it a little at first, but it was no big deal since we're very compatible.

A friend of mine came over with his girlfriend who was 20 years younger than me. There was a big cultural difference between us. She was nice, talented, and everything, but she never heard of Joni Mitchell.

My brother, in his 50's is dating a model in her early twenties. She's a nice kid and everything, but she has more in common with my children than she does with us. That's a bit much. She seems so much like a little girl. The whole time she was over I thought she wanted to go play video games with my boys. (That was the main topic of conversation.)

I see my brother at least once a decade. He has a different young wife everytime.

[Benfea]

15. When I was in my 20s I dated a woman in her 40s.

Honestly, I prefer women near my own age.

I generally find that large age disparities result in really annoying relationships. Society has gone through a lot of changes regarding gender over the last few decades, so big differences in age generally results in big differences in gender expectations.

If I date an older woman, I have to constantly listen to "Oh look! A man wiping a counter! Oh look! A man cooking! Oh look! A man vacuuming! I'm so amazed!" (generally accompoanied by hands being slapped to the head McCauly Caulkin style). If I date a significantly younger woman, things are off in the other direction and I get to listen to "Where's dinner? I'm hungry!"

If I date a woman closer to my age, the gender expectations are just right: "Dammit! Stop throwing your dirty socks on the floor!"

[Thtwudbeme]

16. Don't get your feelings hurt when you talk about music

Seriously...I dated a man in his forties when I was in my twenties.

He didn't know who Phil Collins was.

Imagine now.

[RetroLounge]

19. Ah, we've swapped many CD's we've made

Just more discovery for each of us...

(Hypothetically, of course)

RL

[bigwillq]

17. Age is only a number

What's more important is how they click, how their personalities mesh together and if they both treat each other with respect. If all of those work, then I don't see a problem with it.

[Shine]

20. If it's just a date, go for it, have some fun.

;)
who knows what will develop? Long term relationship?....well, again, who knows? Obviously, they're both gonna have different generational perspectives, but as long as that's not an issue, who cares?

I was involved with a guy 17 yrs older than me when I was in my mid-20's and ultimately we split b/c I wanted to have kids and he didn't.

On one hand "age is just a number" , but on the other hand, the age difference can be big in terms of maturity level. But, again, just because someone is older doesn't mean they're "wiser". I've met lots of "young" people who are wise beyond their years.

Bottom line, it just depends on the people. There, enough said. Was that complicated enough for you? :eyes:

[AKPacker]

23. Shine

You hit the nail on the head. It is not complicated. Only the parties involved make it so.

:thumbsup:

[Arkansas Granny]

24. Have a good time! (This advice cheerfully presented by a

woman who dated men in their 20's when she was in her 40's.)

[Gold Metal Flake]

25. Other.

It's their business, not mine. :shrug:

[name not needed]

28. At least she's not 14

[ghostsofgiants]

34. Well said.

[miss_american_pie]

31. Life's too short, she's an adult, go for it

:hi:

[Redstone]

32. Well, that's pretty much up to the two of you (or them) to decide, yes?

Redstone

[necso]

33. I believe that there

should be a rough equivalence (in most, if not all, things) between partners in a serious (stet) relationship.

That way, there is no natural imbalance that has (potentially) to be dealt with.

And a multidecade age disparity in a (life-long) relationship would likely leave one partner bereft late in life (but still with many years of life left) -- and perhaps past the best time for expediting renewed coupling -- which is an undesirable thing, I think.

That said, it depends on the people involved and the nature of relationship envisioned (which is hopefully the same for both parties).

People often enter into relationships that will not prove permanent (whether they know it or not). And people often enter into relationships for various practical reasons, reasons that are quite different than the ideal ones.

But as long as the following things hold true, that: there are shared expectations and a mutual understanding; both parties play by the same rules and are held to the same standards; and there is mutual (if unequal) benefit with no (significant and/or lasting) harm done to either party -- then such a relationship is fine, although there will exist at least one fundamental inequivalence (and quite possibly there will also exist other inequivalences in terms of maturity, income, etc), and this is probably something other than the best (reasonably attainable) case.

But one can have little enough control over falling in love (whatever this is -- or falling in lust, for that matter), and if you think about almost anything for too long, then you can often come up with many reasons for not doing it -- or for doing nothing at all.

And maybe the only thing more complicated than the ethics of relationships (among the things of daily, personal scope) is the relationships themselves.

...

In short, I'd probably feeb-out.

But I'd have a whole bunch of (seemingly) good reasons for doing so.

...For whatever that's worth.

[Straight Shooter]

35. When I was in my twenties, I dated men in their forties.

Of course, back then I was mature for my age. I find myself regressing, however, and thus am seriously considering dating men who are in their twenties now. :7

[LeftyMom]

36. Potentially problematic, but it could work.

It depends on the age spread, too. 29 and 42 isn't nearly the gap that 23 and 47 would be. With a relatively secure and mature woman in her 20's there isn't a huge obvious issue. Long term there could be some disparity in sex drive and people with that wide an age gap would likely have very differ nt priorities in terms of money, career and family.

My opinion: proceed with caution.

[yvr girl]

37. I think it is flat out wrong

You should stick to women in their 30s. Canadian ones. :*

[Benfea]

41. 30s?

*points to his post above*

:evilgrin:

[yvr girl]

43. Greetings

It would be such a long drive for you to pick me up though.

[Benfea]

45. :) -NT

[yvr girl]

48. But I'm worth the effort

:*

[henslee]

38. In the face of eternity.... whats twenty years? Full court press that.

[Evergreen Emerald]

39. and visa-versa

:)

[BlueIris]

40. Depends entirely on the mindset/desires of the two people involved.

If you're in it for the same reasons, and I'd have to caution against a situation in which either of the pair are trying to develop, sustain or commit to something serious or permanent, (not impossible, but I've seen exactly none of those arrangements work out) I think it could be totally great.

[LisaL]

42. Age ain't nothing but a number.

As long as she is over 18, of course.

[PassingFair]

44. I think Steely Dan has already done the leg-work on this for you:

Way back when
In sixty-seven
I was the dandy
Of gamma chi
Sweet things from boston
So young and willing
Moved down to scarsdale
Where the hell am i
Hey nineteen
No we can’t dance together
No we can’t talk at all
Please take me along
When you slide on down

Hey nineteen
That’s ’retha franklin
She don’t remember
The queen of soul
It’s hard times befallen
The sole survivors
She thinks I’m crazy
But I’m just growing old

Hey nineteen
No we got nothing in common
No we can’t talk at all
Please take me along
When you slide on down

The cuervo gold
The fine columbian
Make tonight a wonderful thing

No we can’t dance together
No we can’t talk at all

[kwassa]

47. It ain't only about age .....

it is being at different stages in one's life with different desires and expectations, (aside from the immediate ones of getting laid).

Short term prognosis: good.

Long term prognosis: poor.

I will say the age difference thing is good for the ego.

[Skittles]

49. creepy when one is old enough to be the other one's parent

ya know?

[RetroLounge]

54. Well, technically old enough

if I had a kid at 15...

RL

[u4ic]

50. Depends on the individuals involved

a date is a date.

I dated a guy 12 years younger than me for a couple of months...I'm late 30's, he was mid 20's. A bit of fun, but I couldn't see myself with him long term. Our interests, and ideas were very different...he just didn't have enough mileage on him for me.

I know of 2 couples with 20+ years age difference, and it works for them.

I personally don't like the older guy thing, but then again, I'm not her. :D I'd prefer to stay within 5 years or so of my own age.

Go and have fun. (hypothetically speaking)

[Pale Blue Dot]

51. When I first became single, I dated someone about 15 years younger

I felt like I was living the song "Hey Nineteen". Neither one of us realized the age difference until the middle of the date (I look younger than I am).

My current girlfriend is four years younger than I am, but we connect with all of the same pop culture.

The important thing is that the two of you are honest with each other and that you have something to talk about between the bouts of hot sex dancing. :D

[CanuckAmok]

53. this 38 year old dater of a hottie 24 year old says "WOO!"

Good for you, dude!!

Ignore the cliche tattoos and you'll be fine.