My 12 yr old son is going to his very FIRST school dance tomorrow nite!

[Shine]

He's really stoked about it, which is great and a pleasant surprise, considering he didn't even tell us about the first one of the school year that happened last fall. I found out about it weeks afterwards, from the parents of one of his friends. :eyes: Pretty funny. I guess it was just too soon for him.

He's in the sixth grade and, what's great is he's been invited to a little "pre-party" at one of his friend's house with a few other boys, having pizza, listening to tunes...then they'll all go the dance together. The whole "strength in numbers" thing. Solidarity! heheh. At first, these other parents of his friend wanted to invite an equal number of GIRLS over, as well, but that idea got nixed pretty quickly by the boys. It's a big enough stretch for them to go the dance AT ALL, let alone having to interact with girls for an extended period of time. :scared: Yikes.

Gawd, I can remember those pre-pubescent years so clearly and now I have a kid that age!?!?! How is this even possible?? My little boy is growing up.... :cry: It's so weird.

I'm pretty sure he likes a certain girl, but there's NO WAY IN HELL he's gonna talk to me about it, at this point. I have to tread very lightly around the subject....

Anyway, can any of you other parents of pre-teens and teens relate?? Please wish my son good luck and happy dancing! Of course, he would probably be mortified if he knew I was posting this. Ah yes, the "joys" of adolescence......

:hi:

[Ariana Celeste]

1. Good luck to your son!!

That's so sweet! :D

My first dance was in the 7th grade- I was terrified! And then one of my girlfriends got this boy I had a *huge* crush on to dance with me. OMG. I can still remember that sick to the stomache feeling when I was practically forced to dance with him. Lol. I was afraid to look him in the eye for the rest of the year. :blush:

:hi:

[Shine]

4. Thanks, Ariana!

yeah, the dreaded teenage years are looming....

I'll be curious to hear how he handles the dance. It's particularly hard on boys, who have all that social pressure to ASK the girl, first, to dance. Ugh. I don't envy him.

:hi:

[ScreamingMeemie]

2. You bet!!! I hope he has a great time...Here's a story....

For my daughter's first dance (she's almost 16, so I'm getting better at it) I dropped her off at her school and was told to come back at 10 PM. I went home and decided to take a shower and get all comfy in my jammies and read a book and wait till I had to go pick her up. I mean, I was staying in the car so it would be okay to be in jammies. When I went back up to the school, I sat for a minute and then realized all of the parents were going in. I rolled down the window and asked one of the parents why the kids weren't coming out. She said we had to sign them out (something I had conveniently forgotten way back at the beginning of the school year when the dance etiquette forms went out). This is a private school where everyone knew everyone. So, I got out of the care dressed in my scotty dog pajamas and went in to sign her out. I stood there waiting for her, she came up the stairs-chatting all smiley and happy-took one look at me, rolled her eyes, and stomped out. I had embarassed the heck out of her it seemed. I never made that mistake again...the principal asked me to chaperone the next dance in them...I demurred. ;)

[Shine]

8. LOL!! What a funny story, MrsG! I love it.

Yeah, it seems that no matter what we do or how "cool" we try to be, we always end up being UNcool and embarrassing to our kids.

A girlfriend of mine who has an 8th grader recently asked me to consider chaperoning her son's 8th grade graduation dance this coming June, so I can be her "inside spy" and keep an eye on what the kids do. Apparently, last year word was they were doing freak dancing and it was frowned upon and quite the scandal. I guess at the grad dance the school doesn'y encourage ANY of the parents of the 8th graders to be present and all the parent chaperones have to be from different, younger grades. I guess they like to let the kids have some illusion of "freedom from their parents". heheheh. Pretty funny, huh?

So I told my friend her request for me to spy on her kid was sounding suspiciously like the Bush Administration. :)

[WritingIsMyReligion]

10. Yeah, at our "graduation" dance, only 6th and 7th grade parents chaperoned

It was cool, actually...None of us had to worry about our 'rents being there....

:D :D

[Shine]

13. I guess that's how it works at my son's school, too.

does hearing my story make you wonder if there were any "spies" present???? I suppose it's entirely possible....

;)

I have yet to decide if I'm going to do it or not.

[skygazer]

3. Oh, that's so sweet!

Those beautiful, funny, awkward growing-up years! Yes, I remember them well. :hug: to you, Mom - it's kinda bittersweet, isn't it? I hope he has a great time. :hi:

[Shine]

9. Yes, "bittersweet" is the perfect word to describe it, skygazer.

Thanks for your good wishes!
:hi: :pals: :hug:

[Midlodemocrat]

5. That is so sweet!

I chaperoned a ton of those dances when my daughter was in middle school and it is so sweet to see the innocence of some of the kids.

Although, not so sweet to see the not so innocent. :eyes:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

7. LOL midlo!

:D :D

[Shine]

11. Yeah, if we weren't going to see Bonnie Raitt tomorrow, I'd probably

be chaperoning, if they'd let me. Unfortunately, (and fortunately) we've had these tix for months, so we're not changing our plans. ;) I won't really get to hear all the juicy details til Saturday morning!

:hi:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

6. Ah, dances....

Don't worry, Shine--middle schoolers rarely get up to much at dances. Oh, sure, we had the few attempts at making-out--NOT ME! :P--but that was among 8th graders, not 6ths. People love to dance to the fast stuff, but once the slow songs come on all the established couples pair up and the rest of us are left sneaking glances at each other. And "slow dancing," at least at MY middle school, was really just grabbing some other sweaty, nervous pre-teen and shuffle-dancing, or just swaying on the spot. It's amusing to watch, and I partook in it once myself with a male friend--no romance, just laughing to "Stairway to Heaven." ;)

Tell your boy to have fun--if he wants practice dancing but can't work up the nerve to ask a crush, just grab a female friend. Just the fun of skulking around in the dark, shooting furtive glances at members of the opposite sex when you think they're not looking and sniggering at those lucky enough to be paired up during slow songs, makes a dance worth any hassle.

:hi:

WIMR

[Shine]

12. Oh gawd, your description brings it all back...and it ain't pretty.

but hopefully, he'll have a great time.

His buddy, whose cool parents are having the pizza party, went to the first school dance, last fall, and all night long didn't ask anybody to dance with him. On the VERY last song, he finally got up enough courage to ask a girl who was in one of his classes and SHE TURNED HIM DOWN!! That just seems plain old MEAN to me. He was completely humiliated, but eventually got over it.

I'm glad he's having the courage to go again with my son this time. Strength in numbers! :thumbsup:

:hi:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

20. Definitely strength.

The guy I danced with I extended the invitation to...It was the last dance of eighth grade, I'd never danced with anyone before, and I found myself thinking, What the hell am I doing just standing around here?.

There are very few people I'd outright refuse, if they asked, but no one's ever asked me anyway...I have to get off my ass and do it myself if I want to dance.

:P :P

:hi:

[Shine]

27. Good for you!

:yourock:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

55. I know.

:P :P

:D

:hi:

[Arugula Latte]

64. Oh man.

Swaying to "Stairway to Heaven" -- waiting for Skynyrd's "Freebird" or Donna Summer's "Last Dance" ...

Yep!! Glad them days is gone!! :rofl:

[Metta]

14. If he were my kid, I'd ask the universe to make this comfortable for him.

It should be less awful than he fears and better than he expects. :)

[Shine]

15. Hi Metta!

Good advice. Yes, I will ask the Universe, the goddess and all the powers that be to make it fun for him. He'll be fine. He's actually really into it, which I take as a good sign.

Do you have kids Metta?
:pals:

[Metta]

17. Hi, Shine.

One question I'd have for him is "What would make this dance fun for you?" Perhaps you already have some information. It's an opportunity to connect with him around his expectations and preferences, something I trust he'd talk about since it's not threatening.

I/ we have no kids, no pets. My wife is aunt or aunt-like to several of her neices and friend's kids. I've worked several years in day care and in case management raising other people's kids and training and supervising professional and para-professional staff. My wife and I adopted the baby panda at the DC zoo as our virtual pet.

:pals: :hug: :donut:

[Shine]

22. He's already told me what would make it fun: going with his buds.

strength in numbers. that's what it's all about. :thumbsup: He's got some great dance moves, so I'll be interested to hear if he actually has enough courage to ask a girl. I'll definitely send him off with some good vibes...

Your baby panda sounds adorable and very low-maintenance! :) How cute!

:hug: :pals: :hi:

[miss_american_pie]

16. That is so sweet

I wonder if 12 is easier for boys than girls? You couldn't pay me to go back to middle school.

[Shine]

23. I think these years are hard, no matter what gender.

Boys definitely have it hard and girls definitely have it hard. I agree with you, there's NO WAY I'd wanna do that shit over again. :thumbsdown:

But, somehow, we made it through and lived to tell about it, right?

:hi:

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

33. Lemme save you the wondering - NO!

At least as girls, you didn't have embarassing erections that just sprung up out of nowhere at any time! :blush:

[miss_american_pie]

35. Okay you win

I was thinking of the special viciousness that adolescent girls can inflict on each other, but umm, yeah you win.

[Shine]

38. LOL!! OMG, that's hysterical and oh-so-awkward, too. Poor kids...

I hadn't even THOUGHT of that! I grew up with sisters, so I don't really have the boys' perspective yet....which is why it's so enlightening now to find myself the mother of a boy. It's ALL new to me....
heheh.
:D

It's just soooo bizarre to think of my son with an erection. He seems so young, still....I guess these next couple years are gonna be crucial.

:hi:

[MindPilot]

46. Any time? More like the worst of all possible times...

In church--especially while walking back from taking communion, any activity that requires being in front of the class, standing on line in the lunchroom, in the principle's office (particularly distasteful when the principal is a nun) and of course talking to girls.

Oh how I wish now forty years later that I could have back all those wasted hard-ons. :puffpiece:

In retrospect I would tell any young man, don't be embarrassed, be proud of it!!

[Shine]

49. It's funny the perspective Time brings, isn't it?

:pals:

I like your idea of telling them to be PROUD of their hard-ons, instead of being shamed. It's perfectly natural, afterall, despite their awkward timing.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

56. LOL---

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[GreenPartyVoter]

18. Aw, that;s so sweet :^D Hope he has a great time

[Shine]

24. Thanks, GPV! I hope so, too.

He's got the dance moves, so we'll hear what he does with them...if anything....

:pals:

[ghostsofgiants]

19. Here's hoping he's much less shy than I am.

:P

[Shine]

25. LOL! Yeah, really!

:pals:
Hey,so did you ever make the move on that girl?? Inquiring minds want to know....

[coffeenap]

21. My 6th grade daughter's was two weeks ago. It was a blast! The boys

and girls danced, some more than others, and when the boys weren't, the girls danced together. She came home floating--the boy she liked danced with her. Ah, like...it is so much easier than love, LOL! All of this is purely from her--I dropped her off and picked her up outside. I hope your son has as much fun as my daughter did!

[Shine]

26. Oh, I'm so glad to hear that wonderful report. Thanks, coffeenap.

How sweet for her to have danced with the boy she liked. If my son likes a girl, and I think that he does, he certainly hasn't said one word to me about it. I think the dynamic is different when it's a boy, but who knows? He's my first born, so I'm going through all this for the first time, with him.

Yeah, things are so simple at that age....and yet so complex...at least in their minds! heheh.

:hi:

[Common Sense Party]

28. 12 seems really young to be going to a dance.

Just my opinion.

[fizzgig]

29. i don't really think so

i went to my first dance at 12

it was in junior high (no middle schools here) and it was pretty harmless

[Shine]

39. Didn't you go to middle school or junior high?

:shrug: It's pretty standard fare, at this age. However, that said, I don't think I went to more than ONE the entire time I was there! It's SUCH an awkward age....

:D

[Common Sense Party]

51. I don't think we had dances until 9th grade.

It's just the older I get, the younger the kids seem. My daughter's two years away from being 12, and I'm not looking forward to her dancing.

[Shine]

52. I know, friend, it's REALLY weird.

my daughter is 9, so it's gonna be really strange once she starts venturing out in that way, too.

:hug:

[Xithras]

61. Huh? I remember having dances in elementary school.

The first dance I ever went to was in the fourth grade when a girl asked me to the school Sadie Hawkins dance. It was held in the school cafeteria and had a small army of parents and teachers running around with their 4" rulers making sure that we were maintaining "appropriate" seperation. It's kind of hilarious in retrospect, because in the fourth grade I doubt I could have accurately described what sex WAS, much less made moves to try and get any :)

BTW, this wasn't in some big liberal city either. I lived in a tiny little 2000 person farm town at the time.

[Shine]

62. Whoa, the 4th grade seems really young to me but hell, they ALL

seem young to me, these days.

the joys of getting older.... :eyes:

I laughed at your line about the "army of parents and teachers"...yeah, that's about right! :rofl:

[fizzgig]

30. ahh yes

strength in numbers, that's what i durning my dances in junior high...i danced with the same group of people (very, very little one-on-one dancing) for three years and it was some of the best times i've had

i know your son will have a wonderful time

there are times i miss having something like a school dance to look forward to

[Shine]

40. Yup, "strength in numbers" is standard jr high school operating procedure

:D

thanks for your good wishes, kagehime! and welcome to DU, btw! :toast: Have fun here in the lounge...

:hi:

[hfojvt]

31. Our sixth grade was still grade school

so we did not have dances. I still remember a co-ed party that was half a block away from my house. I was not invited, but some girl there did call me up to make fun of me. I also remember that some big 3rd grader wanted to fight me because he thought he could take me. He was bigger than me, but I do not remember being afraid. I just would not fight for no reason. After I walked away he came running after me, and I turned around ready to rumble and he veered off, so how was I the loser? There was a girl who used to flirt with me a little, but after that she hated me. She was a new girl though, so she may have hated me (or ignored me was more common) anyway eventually, just to fit in.

[Shine]

41. Ah yes, the teenage years.....so many awkward memories of

Innocence and learning how to fit in.....I can't tell you how bizarre it is for me to now find myself to Mother of a soon-to-be teenage boy. It's bittersweet.

I think, in many ways, "growing up" is a lifetime process, don't you?

:hi: hfojvt!

[HughBeaumont]

32. At my dances, I remember there being lots of Air Supply and REO Speedwagon

I went and usually danced with girls that were taller than I was (which, because of my slow development, was just about all of them). That was awkward and I don't wish to revisit that anytime soon.

My stepkid is going to be 11 and in sixth grade in August (second youngest in his class), so I still have some time to stew over that. Your kid will probably enjoy the pizza party with his boys more than the dance.

[Shine]

43. OMG, LOL!!! "Air Supply and REO Speedwagon", exactly right!

that totally nailed it, for me. :thumbsup: I can so clearly remember them. Also lots of Journey. :eyes:

Doesn't it seem like Forever ago?? It does, and yet it doesn't too. IT's weird. It's just effing bizarre to now find myself the Mother of a 12 yr old. Time marches on....

In any case, you're probably right, he'll have more fun at the pizza party with his buds than at the dance. We'll see....

It was so funny cuz this morning, my hubby was coaching him on asking a girl to dance, ("Act interestED, not interestING.") and he was open to receiving that input, instead of being all nervous about it.

[bigwillq]

34. So cool for your son!

Tell him to have a good time! :hi:

Tell him not to drink that much! ;) :P

[Shine]

44. Thanks, buddy.

yeah, I'll tell him to lay low on the punch! He's all excited cuz he'll have unfettered access to punch, chips and cookies....without MOM being around to limit his intake of that shit. heheheh.

:D

[MindPilot]

36. My dance horror story

It wasn't my first, but it was a big one; the first at a new school. The dinner mom made that evening was spaghetti & meatballs with lots of garlic. To this day I think she did it on purpose because she never was really OK with me liking girls. Of course no-one would even come near me. I had no clue that I stunk to high heaven until a kind teacher took me aside and gave me some breath mints. All I wanted to do at that point was leave and never come back.

Those kinds of things tend to stick with one; it was years before I ever went to another school function that wasn't mandatory.

[Shine]

45. LOL!!! I'm practically in tears laughing so hard at your story, MP!

:rofl: OMG, what awkward memories the teenage years bring, eh?

:hug: well, SOMEhow we get through them.....

[MindPilot]

48. Thanks for that, Shine!!

It does highlight how during those awkward years the tiniest little details can have a profound effect on a young person's life.

[newportdadde]

37. I remember my first dance, 7th grade.

All of the real popular kids sort of clumped together in a group in the middle of the floor and did the fast dance thing then paired up for the slow songs(guns and roses, deaf leopard). I was sort of in the middle ring of not popular but not troglodytes type kids I was at least out on the floor.

After a good deal of time I finally got the courage to ask the girl I liked to a slow dance. Of course I had to enter the female support cluster of friends, stares and laughs to do so. As a late bloomer There were only 3 girls in the class of 60 shorter then me lol and she wasn't one of them, at a head taller then me I felt like an ass. To top it off during the dance I got one of the typical 13 year old uncontrollable erections.. I mean OMG I was actually touching a girl!!! :)

Now next year was better as I was finally taller then her, although that time she felt bad for her not so attractive friends so I got recruited into dancing with them.

[MindPilot]

42. After reading all these stories...

are there any women who still wonder why guys generally don't like to dance? :D

[Shine]

47. Oh gawd, the social stratosphere of those years is inescapable

I laughed at the "female support cluster of friends" line....yeah, you got that right. That's what we did back then, it's the whole "strength in numbers" phenomenon...and trying to FIT IN.

:hi:

Back when I was in sixth grade, it was still Elementary school. I didn't have school dances until "JUNIOR HIGH" (7th and 8th grade), which is what it was called back then. "MIDDLE SCHOOL"(6th-8th grade)is relatively new.

The difference between 6th graders and 8th graders is HUGE, nowadays.....

[Arugula Latte]

66. I went to junior high as well.

Two strange, awkward years.

But, my kids will go to middle school, and I'm not at all happy that they'll be thrown in with eighth graders when they're in sixth grade. I don't know who came up with that plan ... :(

[bbernardini]

50. I can summarize it thusly: THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP-THUMP

[Shine]

53. Nice. Yup, that's pretty much it.

:thumbsup:

[Brewman_Jax]

54. They grow up so fast, don't they?

[Shine]

57. Yes, it's bittersweet, Lurking_Argyle.

sigh....

I'm feeling poignant today....

[Submariner]

58. I remember my first slow dance

in the early '60s. It was a CYO (catholic youth organization) dance and I got too close to the girl. The chaperon came up to us and put her hands between us to move us apart and said, believe it or not, "Leave room for the Holy Ghost!" She then gave us each a Wintergreen mint and said, "Here, suck on this to take your mind off close dancing."

I'm working in Puerto Rico now, and the version of MTV here has couples almost copulating on screen. What a difference a few decades can make.

Don't forget to to tell your son "Leave room for the Holy Ghost!" :rofl:

[Shine]

59. LOL!! OMG, that line is soooo funny!

:rofl:

yup, times have changed, alright. :eyes:

[regnaD kciN]

60. Nowadays, I suppose the proper response would be...

..."Sorry, but I don't like threesomes." :evilgrin:

[Shine]

63. Good one.

:thumbsup:

[trof]

65. Thanks for the chuckle. eom

[GoddessOfGuinness]

67. I hope he has a great time!

[trof]

68. Awww...man? What a nostalgia trip.

I don't think I liked gurls until I was 14 or 15.
I remember my first slow dance like it was yesterday.
Lucy Carol Moore's 15th birthday party.

We were in love, briefly, in the first grade.
But I still didn't like gurls till later.
Just Lucy Carol.
She liked to play with frogs and worms and could throw a ball as far as I could.
God, she was cool.

We drifted apart.
And then...at her 15th birthday party...at her house...

Her dad had rolled up the rug in the living room and moved the furniture to the walls.
I guess there were 20 or 25 kids there.
Sandwiches and some ginger ale punch and a cake.
There was a 45 record player.
Some group was doing "Blue Moon".

And Lucy walked up to me and said "Wanna dance?"
"Um...I don't know how."
"I'll show you the two-step. It's easy."

It was, and away we went.
I got a feeling both above and below the waist like nothing I'd ever experienced before.
Oh, man?
What IS this?

Thanks for the memories and all the best to your son.

[latebloomer]

69. My 14-year-old boy is at one now!

He's a little shy-- brilliant and gorgeous but a bit eccentric and is sometimes looked at as an oddball by other kids. He has several friends but doesn't socialize too much so I was happy when he announced he wanted to go to the dance tonight.

But then I got nervous because he wanted to walk to the school (5 blocks away) in the dark. I agreed (deep breath, I know I am overprotective), but insisted on picking him up at the end.

It truly is a bittersweet time, as someone upthread observed. Slowly getting go of our beautiful children, hoping we've given them what they need to get along in this world.