sadistic inlaws

[evirus]

ive always thought my girlfriends parents where pretty sadictic at times and wouldnt you know it, tonight is the perfect example, emily logs into yahoo invisably(wont show her as logged in) and this converstaion takes place:
Emilyw: jim...you there?
evirustheslaye: yes
Emilyw: jim i'm going to make this quick
Emilyw: i cant be one the computer because dad was yelling at me again
Emilyw: and there gone right now
evirustheslaye: for what
Emilyw: but i just wanted to ask you what would you say if i quit college?
evirustheslaye: well emily, thats your decision to make, not mine, i wouldnt place any opinion on that decision
Emilyw: no i didmt ask for youe dicis.
Emilyw: i asked toy what wouls you say?
evirustheslaye: i wouldnt say anything.
Emilyw: i cant do college no more
Emilyw: -crys-
evirustheslaye: why not?
Emilyw: thats way dad is yelling at me
Emilyw: i cant do nothing untill i learnr some words and i tale spelling test 2 a week
Emilyw: and i cant do nothing till i lurn them all
Emilyw: its 10 words 2s a week
Emilyw: and it not just that i'm so strest out right now
Emilyw: witht e book work
Emilyw: with^
evirustheslaye: spelling test? is this because of a teacher or something that poped into your parents head
Emilyw: no
Emilyw: and even one or my teachjers told me i should not do college and taht i'm to srest
Emilyw: teachers^
Emilyw: what i'm thinking is quiting college and going to work full time and have weekends off
evirustheslaye: well stress is vary bad in certain cases, im sure the teachers where looking out for you when they suggested that college added onto it would be too stressful
Emilyw: i just and do this no more...-crys-
Emilyw: ...dad yelling at me...telling me i cant do nothing till something is doen
evirustheslaye: these can be stressful times my love, its best to way your options, figure out just what you can handle
Emilyw: i hate the way i am some tiems
Emilyw: ..like right now
Emilyw: i hate myself
evirustheslaye: and if you cant handle a job and college and...... the trials of family living, you cant handle it... theres no shame in that
Emilyw: but its like mom and dad are forsing me to go
Emilyw: if i tell dad i want to quit...its
Emilyw: "oh then you wated my time... you wasted my gass...bal bal bal
Emilyw: "
Emilyw: gas^
Emilyw: and he starts yelling at me
evirustheslaye: do you want me to help you tell him this?
Emilyw: i dont know
Emilyw: i just scard of what dad might say
Emilyw: >>
Emilyw: <<
Emilyw: T_T
evirustheslaye: i understand emily
evirustheslaye:
Emilyw: i dont care about lurning shit right now (sorry) but 12 years of school was so hard for me
Emilyw: its like I WANT TO BE DONE! (sorry again)
evirustheslaye: its hard for a number of people, what you are going through is not uncommen
Emilyw: i know that but still
evirustheslaye: .... but still emotions are hard to change with simple words over a computer screen.....
Emilyw: i feel like i want to end my life right now...the way dad makes me feel....if i kill myself...he will not have to see me...bug me about stuff...ever again
Emilyw: but i cant do that
evirustheslaye: i love you emily, your a great person, i dont want to lose you over this
Emilyw: because i have you your the only thing that keeps me going
evirustheslaye: there are less painfull and less sever things you can do besides that to, take a few days away from the house
Emilyw: i haave to go..i better go look at theese darn words
evirustheslaye: .....ok

its just insane the amount of times i hear about some sadistic unreasonable things her parents do or say

[evirus]

1. notice

notice i chose not to spell check my post(its a direct copy from the IM window). most of the errors where probably because she was stressed out

[alphafemale]

2. I don't see wanting a kid to be successful as sadistic

Letting her live at home and paying for school is sadistic?

If she doesn't want to go to school, but that's a condition for living at home...

Then, yes she can get a job and move out (or contribute to household expenses.)

There's stress in growing up and finding your way.

If it wasn't we'd all live at home forever.

[evirus]

3. not quite

thats all well and dandy if the person your talking is like 25 and the tone was just idle talk but thats not the case.

first they baby her through everything then get pissed at her for the way she was tought to act

[alphafemale]

6. If they babied her that was a mistake

and moving out is stressful for lots of people.

Sounds like she does need help finding her independance.

Or even the confidence to believe she can be independent.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

4. She should see a counselor.

Does she have a learning disability that affects her spelling? It seems like she could use help learning to communicate effectively, too; though I wouldn't be surprised if her emotional state was wreaking havoc with her reasoning skills.

How old is she? Maybe she'd have an easier time learning if she didn't live with her parents, or if she could get her father to go into counseling too. It's always better to work these things out if possible.
Also, in what sort of college is she enrolled? Maybe a couple of years in a junior college or community college would help her develop the skills she needs to feel confident about a 4-year program.

It sounds like she's really miserable...Please pass her some hugs from me...
:hug::hug::hug:

[evirus]

5. she is 20

yes she has a lerning disability (infact thats how we met, special ed reading class) i think it would be a hard sell(the living away from parents thing) cause for one she dosnt have a driver's license(we are in michigan suberbs, nothing close to mass transit to speek of) and too she is always concerned about her parents reaction to every questionable thing she does

[GoddessOfGuinness]

7. They can't object to her wanting counseling.

Or if they do, they're truly unfit to be parents.

She needs to think this over, determine all the reasons she needs help mediating differences with her parents, and to be assertive with them about expressing both her frustration with her parents and her desire to be successful. Learning disability or not, she is no longer a child. Her parents need to stop treating her like one; and she needs to accept responsibility for herself as the young woman that she is.

I hope this doesn't come across as presumptuous; but from what I'm hearing, it sounds like she needs to let go of childhood and her parents need to let go of their little girl. It'll be a much smoother transition with a counselor mediating, so her parents know where they can be of help and where they need to butt out and let their daughter make her own mistakes.

[evirus]

8. where

where would she be able to find such counciling?

[JVS]

10. Most colleges have mental health counseling. At my school...

if you are ever reported to have said something about killing yourself you are forced into counseling

[yellowdogintexas]

11. she could start at the school itself. Most colleges have a

counseling service of some type.

My daughter is not the college type either, although she is quite intelligent, well spoken and articulate. She can't do math, and has frozen up over it so many times it just tears her up.

So she went to work and when she had saved up enough to move out, she did. She paid her own car insurance, bought her own clothes and so on and bought her own gas, oil changes etc. while she lived at home. She saved money, worked hard and I am certain it cost us far less money to do this than trying to make her go to college and thereby making her miserable.

She is well settled now. I know my own child well enough to know that if she really was motivated to get the degree she would have figured out how to get around the road block. She was not motivated to do it. She was motivated to work.

Working while living with parents, and paying some of her expenses might be a good compromise and certainly reduce the anxiety in her life.


Please hug her for me.

I wouldn't call it sadistic, but I would call it shortsighted

[GoddessOfGuinness]

13. Her school is a good place to start...

and if she's brave enough to tell her parents about her suicidal thoughts; I'll bet they'd be quick about finding a professional. As cruel as they may seem, they DO love her.

My dad knew how to turn my brains into mush with his physical and verbal abuse. I learned to forgive him when I realized that his father had treated him the same way. My dad went to family counseling with us, and learned how to control his anger.

[JVS]

9. It sounds like they want the best for her. But this talk about suicide...

is not good. If I were in your shoes I'd print this out and talk to her parents about this. Some kind of arrangement must be possible that doesn't put her in such a bad state of mind.

[evirus]

12. sorry for the scarcasim

but yah, that will work out fine and dandy.

EDIT: sorry if i sound rude, im talking to my girlfriend and im already stressed out about her parents frequent behavior