Love advice...

[dorktv]

So I like this guy...who is a little hard to read. I have the feeling he is not actually interested in me because he does not act like a guy who is would (wanting to actually you know, talk to me for any length of time) but all of my friends think he is since he was joking around with me in a flirty way.

I finally asked him out...first he says that he may be carpooling on the day in question to an event in my town (he lives in another town two hours away by car) so I said "if you are not, would you like to go to dinner with me?"

He says "wait..." and then posts a link to another event that is happening locally so he will not be in my town. So I think that he has done possibly the best "no" answer ever.

Am I wrong to think this was a very graceful brushoff?

[LeftyMom]

1. If you're not sure

Maybe you can extend another invite later? It's possible there was a legitimate schedule conflict, although he didn't really explain it very well.Certainly the vauge reply means you wouldn't be in the wrong or pushing the issue to ask him out again later.

[dorktv]

4. I think I am going to give up...seriously if he was interested he would

talk more with me. At least most males would.

[LeftyMom]

10. If your instincts are trustworthy

than trust them. Certainly if he's not shy or quiet, not talking to you much isn't a positive sign.

Personally I can't read any signal less obvious than a stop sign so I'd be afraid of blowing it based on my own issues (because I don't see myself as attractive I tend to miss even really obvious flirting- there's a reason I have a boyfriend how is subtle as a brick, I missed all the less obvious fellas) but if you have good reason to think he isn't interested, perhaps it's time to let it go. It's possible your friends see interest you don't because they want what will make you happy and wishful thinking changes what they see.

[dorktv]

14. Well...

my instincts are generally good at reading people...he is always very nice to me however I get the sense that I annoy him a lot but he cannot say anything to me since he does not like to be mean.

His twin on the other hand once told me that "I have decided to have standards and you ain't above them."

And the amazing thing is that guy actually has had more then one date.

[LeftyMom]

16. If you think you annoy him

even if he really thinks the world of you maybe it's time to back off.

Either your friends are right and he's into you but you just can't read him at all (bad sign for compatibility) or he's really not interested.

Also, he's a product of the same genes and enviornment as ToxicTwin (TM) (a little hint: anybody who has to tell you how beneath them you are isn't fit to lick the dirt off your shoes) which sounds like reason enough to back away slowly.

[dorktv]

17. Oh I know the other guy is a lame ass...I actually have a

little evil plan that on the surface will seem like the most gracious gesture ever but hopefully will make him feel really stupid for what he did.

But the nice one...well yeah. I think I will leave him alone for the next millinia.

[amitten]

2. I know from experience that if a guy truly likes you, he'll bust his

ass to make sure he gets to go out with you. And if not, not.

It's pretty simple. Take it as a nice "no", and know that the ball is now in his court. If he doesn't ask you out of his own accord within the next couple of weeks, write him off. Life is far too short to spend second-guessing men in your free time. :hi:

[dorktv]

7. That is what I am thinking...he knows (or it should have been

REALLY obvious that I liked him) now that I like him and would not be adverse to dating him...

[amitten]

8. That's smart of you. You've made your feelings clear...now just

wait and see what happens. But don't wait forever--you might miss something good in the meantime!

[Omphaloskepsis]

9. I agree.

If I liked a girl I would slide down mountain of extracted exacto-knives to get together. And if I truly couldn't make it I would fight to arrange a date at a different time.

[amitten]

11. You need to tell that to several million women. So many just will

not believe that a guy is just not interested, and instead they make excuse after excuse for his bad behavior. Guys are not girls. Guys are pretty basic and straightforward. If they say it, they usually mean it. If they do it, they probably meant to. If they don't do it, it's because they didn't want to. Not a lot of mystery and intrigue! (Too bad, huh girls?) But I guess it makes things...easier. :boring:

[dorktv]

12. hahaha...I think that I have been told no and I am now going to just

go back to being alone. :)

[amitten]

20. Well, it's possible he may eventually ask you out on his own.

But in the meantime, don't sweat it.

And there are far worse things than being 'alone'. Like being with someone who makes you question his real feelings! :)

In time you will find someone good who will make his intentions abundantly clear, and you won't have to do all the work yourself!

[dorktv]

22. hardly on the last point...I am one of nature's perma bachelorettes!

[amitten]

26. There is somebody for everybody, and when the time is right

the right guy will be there.

[tjdee]

19. Ding ding ding! Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

If a guy likes you, you'll know it. You won't be guessing. Dorktv seems to get that, but sooooo many people don't, and they waste so much time wondering.

[dorktv]

21. Well I am just so used to being treated badly that I only asked him

out because one of my friends threatened to call him for me. I was fully expecting a brush off.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

27. Actually, he'll either bust his ass if he's the assertive type and

get all flustered in your presence if he's the shy type.

[dorktv]

28. He is not assertive when it comes to women I think...at least that is the

impression his brother gave me when he said "He had a chance at that woman he likes and he ran off to talk to X instead!"

[Heidi]

3. The best advice I can give you

is the advice my mother gave me about everything in life: Create as many choices for yourself as you possibly can. Don't let this guy be your _only_ choice. :thumbsup:

[BikeWriter]

5. LeftyMom's right. Two schedule conflicts don't make a rejection...

He could also be shy, though I don't know his age.

[dorktv]

6. 36

[Kid OfThe Black Hole]

13. The only thing I would suggest

is that 2 hours is a ways to drive and also not inexpensive if its interstate miles or something like that (could be 130+ miles in that case @ 20mpg = maybe $20 or $30 round trip)

Some guys would only go that distance for a booty call lol (not me though!)

[dorktv]

15. yeah...and it would not be since I want to date him not just use him for

Blank...that is why I only suggested it when he was to be already in town.

[Kid OfThe Black Hole]

18. OK thats one time

if you two were to hit it off, there'd still be that difficulty in the future though and perhaps he was thinking of that

[dorktv]

23. yep...and I have no car (on purpose)

[Deja Q]

24. He could be an Aspie. (Asperger's Syndrome.)

I say that solely because he's "difficult to read". We do tend to be aloof...

Of course, you could be very accurate too. Hard to tell.

I'd find and ask mutual friends for more info, if you're looking for an actual 'no' answer.

[dorktv]

25. None of them know either. They say he is hard to read too.

The only person I COULD ask does not like me and would revel in the chance to be mean to me.

Which is why I am going to set him up with the worse woman I know.