Things _not_ to say to your sweetie today.

[Heidi]

As a public service, please add here your own Things not to say to your sweetie on Valentine's Day.

I'll start: "It's just a flare-up. I'm sure it's not contagious."

[RevCheesehead]

1. "I'll need a list of all your recent sexual contacts."

[Heidi]

6. And when the list is pulled out,

it's endless, like a magician's scarf trick. :scared:

[Deja Q]

71. Just like when I pull mine out!

:spray: :spray: :spray: :spray: :spray:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Bah-zing!!!

[ScreamingMeemie]

2. "Hey, close the door and come and take a look at this and tell

me what it is..."

Actually said at my house. :scared:

Happy Day, Heidi!!! :loveya:

[Heidi]

5. "Wouldja call this a _boil_ or a zit?"

:scared:

Happy day to you, too, my friend. :loveya: :hug:

[ghostsofgiants]

81. It's a gummy bear.

[mdmc]

3. what day is it, today?

[Heidi]

4. It's the day that I give you a hug!

:hug: You can run, mdmc, but you cannot hide. :hug: :hug:

[mdmc]

19. thanks heidi!

peace and low stress! :)

[Fox Mulder]

7. It's VD day today?

Let's hope none of us get VD today...if you get what I'm sayin'. ;)

I know for a fact I'm not going to...

[Heidi]

9. Always wear protection!

Available in a wide array of alluring colors, just in time for Valentine's Day! :thumbsup:

[Fox Mulder]

11. I always use protection...

I keep a gun under my pillow. :)

[Heidi]

13. You're a smart guy, Fox Mulder.

:rofl: :spray:

[Taxloss]

8. "Remember that conversation we had about threesomes? This is Cindy ..."

(Believe it or not, this actually happened to a female friend of mine. But not on Valentine's Day. And the third party wasn't called Cindy.)

[Heidi]

10. Yikes!

:rofl: :spray:

[billyskank]

12. ...

:cry:

[Heidi]

14. Why are you crying?

:loveya: :* :hug: :grouphug:

[billyskank]

74. I was experiencing a crisis of confidence

:hug:

[BOSSHOG]

15. There's so much more of you to love this year Dear

[Heidi]

16. "Your stomach pooches out less in those jeans, honey."

:rofl:

[DainBramaged]

17. Do you think this is too big?

[Binka]

18. Is That Angela Merkel Coming Out Your Ass?

"No No I'm Really Not Drunk......" (My SLAGalicious daughter Callie drunk...AGAIN...Kids..)

[mdmc]

21. looks slagalicious!

peace and low stress!

[Binka]

23. You Are From Newburgh? Shit My Father Was Born There..

My cousin owns a bar somewhere there and my deceased Uncle was the chief of police back in the 60s-70s!

More Callie Jean..

[mdmc]

28. yup... the waterfront is back, now. Perhaps your cous has a spot

down on the river?

I had never heard the term slagalicious before. I used to work with teens ---I like the word! :kick:

Callie looks like a couple of the girls I worked with...

[Binka]

35. I Made It Up I Am Wont To Do That As I Have A Four Year Old

She likes Mommy to be funny....



Callie is the shit, she is a Senior at Madison, with a major in foreign languages. I am going to have to hide her away when she comes to Sicily...LOL

[mdmc]

44. I hear that!

My folks were looking to go (back) to Roma and Pisa (my family is from outside Pisa) airplane tickets cost thousands!

Look me up if ya'll get to nyc...:kick:

I love to make up words...make up meaning of words...

[Binka]

48. If You Get To Sicily Come See Us

We got us a party house baby! And a wine rack that NEVER runs dry!

[mdmc]

55. I will

I've neve been to the island, but would like to check it out!

[mdmc]

65. was calies hair as blond as her sisters when she was younger?

My sister had blond hair as a kid, then it turned sandy when she was older. :kick:

[Ravenseye]

20. "bitch, make me a chicken pot pie!"

cause really that's not romantic is it.

[Heidi]

24. Maybe if you said, "Bitch, make me a chicken pot pie, _PLEASE!_"

it would be a little bit more romantic. That's the way Call Me Wesley does it, anyway. :rofl:

[In_The_Wind]

22. I forgot.

Don't give up on me. I love you.


And ... Oh Honey did you know ...
You don't want me to need a new pair of glasses do you? Wanna lend me a hand here.

[Call Me Wesley]

25. "Valentino who?" (nt)

[ghostsofgiants]

68. Is he that jerk that revealed the magicians' secrets?

[Call Me Wesley]

75. Huh?

I always thought it's this guy:

[ghostsofgiants]

80. This guy...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Val_Valentino

[terrya]

26. If you're in a heterosexual relationship...

"Honey...I'm gay"

Probably not the best day to be open and honest about yourself...

[Heidi]

27. "I've decided to be perfectly honest with you . . ."

probably isn't the best way to preface _any_ Valentine's Day conversation. (Sadly enough.)

[terrya]

29. Yeah...true, true.

No, today is not the day to open up and be completely honest.

Except expressing your love. :-)

[Heidi]

32. (((((((((((((((((((((( terrya )))))))))))))))))))))))))

"You're a little less vicious than all those _other_ mods." :evilgrin:

[terrya]

34. No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They're all good people. :-)

Sheesh, this is the sort of thing that could get me banned from the Mods Hot Tub permanently. :scared:

[Heidi]

37. Heh-heh.

Just kidding. I think you're _all_ vicious. :rofl: :spray:

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

50. "Honey, I'm gay... and this is Bob!"

:-)

[Heidi]

30. "I baked it myself. You can just pick the cat hair out."

:scared:

[In_The_Wind]

41. lol

There is something to be said for home cooked goodies.

but I don't think that's exactly what I want to say

[Starbucks Anarchist]

31. "I sure wish I knew your name."

[Heidi]

33. Hahahahaha!

"I sure wish I _remembered_ your name." :rofl:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

38. "It's on the tip of my tongue...

which was on your sister yesterday." ;)

[Heidi]

36. "I was going to ask you to marry me, but

Mom said 'No.'"

[x-g.o.p.er]

39. I like you, not love, but like you...

I wonder how that would go over.

[Heidi]

42. Or "I love you, but I don't LOVE love you." (nt)

[x-g.o.p.er]

63. Or "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you." n/t

[Heidi]

66. Semantics has broken more hearts

than all relationship "infidelities" combined, I think.

[kick-ass-bob]

40. Hold on babe, the game is on.

:bounce:

[Heidi]

43. "During the next commercial, I promise." (nt)

[kick-ass-bob]

46. Oh, sorry - they didn't break for commercials.

:rofl:

[Heidi]

47. "What are you crying about _this_ time?" (nt)

[flvegan]

45. "But hon, how many more opportunities will I have with twins?"

[NashVegas]

49. To Him: "Oh ... Of Course It's Not *Too* Small"

What did you think I was talking about?

[Heidi]

51. "I've _passed_ bigger stones than that."

:rofl:

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

52. "Mom's going to have dinner with us tonight!"

[DS1]

53. Hey baby, I broke into your makeup box and painted a rose on the end

of my dick with your lipstick, Happy Valentines Day!

[Heidi]

54. Oh, you're _suave_, DS1.

:rofl:

[GalleryGod]

56. It's not YOU,Sweetie...it's ME.

As the Beatles sang...."Yeah,Yeah,yeah, YEAH"

[Heidi]

59. "It's so little and _cute_! Is it _cold_?" (nt)

[samplegirl]

57. I've got a headache

[samplegirl]

58. or that it makes your neck

tired.

[AlCzervik]

60. "Yes honey it does make you look fat, especially you ass"

[MountainLaurel]

61. Hey wench, where's dinner?

:+

[Heidi]

64. Actually, that one

would probably crack me up. :rofl: "I dunno. Where ya takin' me?"

[TrogL]

62. I see you've got makeup on - doesn't help much

[Beer Snob-50]

67. Are you on the rag dear?

:scared:

[Kerrytravelers]

69. I thought it would be fun to have my parnts over for dinner tonight.

[Deja Q]

70. When mine flares up, it's contagious...

And judging by the compliments I've had, I've been told to spread it around more! :rofl:

[davsand]

72. Avoid adding "mostly" to any declaration of love.

Actually, anything about the relationship followed by "mostly" would probably be a BAD plan.

"I want to be with only you...MOSTLY."
"You are beautiful...MOSTLY."
"I want to marry you...MOSTLY."
"You are the only one...MOSTLY."
"I love you...MOSTLY."



That "MOSTLY" thing can get you in some BAD trouble.



Laura

[Arugula Latte]

73. "You've been getting chunky, especially in the ass, so I

decided not to get you chocolates for Valentine's Day this year."

[Call Me Wesley]

76. "Would you mind taking your teeth out for this?" (nt)

[SOteric]

77. The Clinic said you and all my other partners should be tested.

[SOteric]

78. They've dug up the remains of my previoius lover. Pack your things,

we're moving to a country with no extradition.

[Oeditpus Rex]

79. 'Peg, c'mere and pop this thing under my arm!'

~Al Bundy

[UrbScotty]

82. And that's why they call me "MAN Coulter." (nt)