The secret to staying married is...

[Ellen Forradalom]

"Kill him tomorrow."

What's your secret to putting the long-term in an LTR?

[WilmywoodNCparalegal]

1. Laughter... lots of it!

I've only been married a tad bit over 6 years, which is actually a lot for people my age :D

My husband and I laugh a lot, about silly stuff. We both have the same sense of humor and we try to make any situation humorous.

I think that laughing really helps keeping us enjoy each other's company.

[Ellen Forradalom]

2. It goes better when we laugh

I have a short fuse, unfortunately. My husband likens it to being married to a half-Klingon like B'Elana Torres.

[CarpeDiebold]

5. born again pastafarian??

are you a russel peters fan?

[ProfessorGAC]

61. That's A Big Part Of Our Formula

We both can still make each laugh, probably at least once every day. So, i would say you're exactly on the mark. It's worked for us for 26 years next month.
The Professor

[seemunkee]

3. friendship

My wife is my best friend and confidante.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

4. Seconded...

Skip is truly my best friend, and I don't know where I'd be or what I'd do without him.
Duckie

[Left Is Write]

17. I'll third that.

:thumbsup:

[LostinVA]

6. Lots of illicit sex with Kate Winslet

[Nevernose]

26. You too?

[LostinVA]

39. *gasp* Is she cheating on me while I cheat???

[Roon]

7. Never raise your voice

unless the house is on fire. Never go to bed mad, respect each other's space. Tell each other that you love them every day.

[zanne]

46. Is it okay to set the fire? nt

[leftofthedial]

8. a total lack of imagination

[matcom]

9. my very unhealthy crush on Kelly Brook

:hide:

[Inspired]

10. Debt up to your eyeballs.

[Xipe Totec]

21. Funny trivia...

In Mexico, the euphemism for being deep in debt is "endrogado", which means "to be on drugs". Because, just like drugs, being in debt is a hard habit to kick.

:shrug:

[sarge43]

11. Going on 30 years now

Can't speak for Himself, but I found that the simple honest self acknowledgement that I'm as big a jerk as he is keeps me from going ballistic on his ass.

Laughter helps, too.

[gollygee]

12. Compromise, and "don't sweat the small stuff"

most stuff isn't worth a fight.

[BikeWriter]

13. I'll never know. My three long term marriages ended in divorce.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

29. Sorry to hear that, Bike.

Happy Valentine's Day, anyway!

:loveya:

:hug:

WIMR

[BikeWriter]

36. Thanks, WIMR.

:hug:

[miss_american_pie]

14. Forgiveness and commitment to the relationship

as opposed to the person.

[Throd]

15. Understanding that SHE could've married a lot better.

[proud2BlibKansan]

16. Being a good roommate

This seems like the most important thing to me. How well can you tolerate each other on a daily basis?

[SmokingJacket]

18. Tell him what a great behind he has.

It's true, and I feel privileged to see it!

I try to find some genuine compliments to give every day, and overlook the petty annoyances.

And think about how lucky I am not be with any of my exes...

[liberaltrucker]

19. Having a job that keeps you away...

...for weeks at a time:rofl:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

30. That just might do it.

:rofl:

[av8rdave]

54. I think time apart is just as important as time together

I worried about that when I got remarried (10 years ago next month!), since my job keeps me out of town 3 - 4 days per week. However, my wife had been single and lived on her own for almost 20 years before that. She appreciates having some "just me" time.

I think it helps us appreciate the time we have together more.

[Xipe Totec]

20. The secret to happiness is...

Lowered expectations.

Remember, your S.O. is only human, so he/she is pro'ly just as messed up as the rest of humanity. Learn to enjoy the Divine Comedy.

[graywarrior]

22. Marry a fisherman who is gone for 3 months at a time.

My sister did that and they've been happy for 30 years.

[Xipe Totec]

24. To a Fisherman...

On the skiff at the break of dawn,
the horizon bright and clear,
on a still sea,
the white sail leaps forward,
robbing gold from a newborn sun.

Your song breaks the silence,
simple and common, yet full of soul,
I hear the quiet melancholy,
of one who's unsure of his daily bread,
crossing and daring a treacherous sea!

Timidly, quietly, and with foreboding,
your wife will pray: "Oh Lord,
bestill the waters, and clear the skies,
protect and lead through the waves,
my fisherman's tiny boat".

- Salvador Diaz Miron, Mexican poet (1858-1928).

[Deja Q]

23. I'll let you know.

:rofl:

[LeftyMom]

25. Don't marry an asshole

Okay it seems a bit obvious, but I'm a reasonably smart girl and I had to learn that one the hard way. :dunce:

[sendero]

27. Picking the right person...

.... if you do that, everything else is easy.

[Maru Kitteh]

28. Realizing (both of you) that there really isn't much worth fighting about

That and a LOT of laughing. Laugh every day. EVERY DAY.
Touch each other even when nobody is expecting sex.
BE POLITE to each other. You say please and thank you to strangers - afford the same courtesy to your mate.

[Merrick]

31. seperate continents?

[NewJeffCT]

35. it's actually not rare among Chinese

with my wife being Chinese, we know a lot of other Chinese that live away from their spouses - we have a couple of good friends that had a house in the New Haven, CT area, but she got a fellowship in the Boston area and got an apartment up there... he had a job in NYC and couldn't deal with the commute, so got an apartment down there. Also know of another couple that one lived in CT and the other in NC... and my wife knows an older guy from college whose wife has lived back in China for several years now.

[Catchawave]

32. A great sense of humor !

Especially if you're married to a republican :banghead:

[NewJeffCT]

33. I always get in the last words!

"Yes dear"

;-)

[ScreamingMeemie]

34. Remembering our wedding day...and thinking of all of the really

generous and selfless things he does. :hi:

[rbnyc]

37. One ten-second long kiss every day. (nt)

[Shine]

38. Communication, spending time alone together WITHOUT the kids.

having fun, laughing....

:hi:

We'll be married 13 yrs this coming June...so we're doing great so far!

[tinfoilinfor2005]

40. It's the percentages. One partner has to give 70-30.

And the other partner has to give...70-30.

Once you get the percentages right, it works every time.

On edit: 21 years here.

[kedrys]

41. Daily hugs and smooches

and remembering not to be a jerk (applicable to both parties). :D

[KitchenWitch]

42. Earplugs!

My husband snores like a locomotive engine.

[raccoon]

43. Should this thread have the title, "The secret to staying

happily married?

And as a never-married, I wouldn't know. I'm glad I didn't marry two ex-boyfriends I had LTR's with.

[xchrom]

44. my married almost 70 years parents would tell you

spend lot's of time apart.

they took separate vacations as well as vacations together as a family.

but even when at home -- dad was outside fiddling around and mom was inside fiddling around.

now mind you -- my father dotes on his wife -- and did plenty of housework and shared all the child rearing responsibilities.

but as important as being together was -- spending time apart was also important.

[tjwash]

48. You're right. That's how I keep married.

They say the worst time for a spouse, is when one or both of them retires, and is constantly hanging around.

[July]

49. I have to agree with this one.

At least for me (us), it seems to make a big difference that we don't expect to be all things to each other, nor do we expect each other to share the same interests or spend all of our time together. Don't get me wrong -- we do share some interests and enjoy being together part of the time. We're also "atheists" about never going to bed angry (usually wake up back to normal) and celebrating our anniversary or Valentine's Day. It's been working for 22 years.

[tonkatoy57]

45. That's an easy one

Always remember that:

-Your feeling, wishes, desires and hopes are immaterial. You don't count anymore. You're married.

-If you have children you're not first in your wife's life anymore. Maybe not even 4th or 5th if she has a family and friends.

-Keep a clean house and yard. Always have dinner ready promptly.

-Sex isn't that big of a deal. Right?

[Ron Mexico]

47. Both of us have one day a week when

anything we say goes (within reason, obviously), when we're not responsible for chores, when we can go out with friends without having to check in, etc. The only rule us that the days can't be consecutive (last of one week and first of another). I pick football Sundays, she usually picks Saturdays.

The rest of the week is a relationship of compromise like marriages should be. The weekly day of release is invaluable.

[BigMcLargehuge]

50. Accepting your SO's idiosynchracies... AND

Taking all of your relationship frustration, swallowing it all down into your gut, and letting it fester there until you get to Hapkido class twice a week where you unleash it all on a hirsute 200 pound French Canadian sheetrocker by torquing his wrists, elbows, and other skeletal joints until he screams for mercy before throwing him around like a rag doll and making him beg - "Tabernac! Eh man, no more. My ands hand harms har frigging killing me! I think hugh broke my knees. Tabernac! I can't feel my legs. That gonna leave ha mark!"

[Susang]

58. If you substitute midieval Italian longsword fighting

For the Hapkido, make the French Canadian a Scandanavian brute named Bjorn, then you have described my husband in a nutshell. :D

Of course, you forgot about the scathing script/play/novel you're both surely writing, no? :evilgrin:

[emmajane67]

51. Not getting divorced? n/t

[Ellen Forradalom]

55. I think that's pretty much it

I'm not sure my parents could explain it. Actually, they did get divorced, got back together, retired up north and spent the rest of their lives together, but didn't remarry. By that time I had long since stopped trying to figure out their relationship :shrug:

[mwdem]

52. Marrying your best friend, and keeping a sense of humor!

[ProfessorGAC]

63. Another Winner

My wife is my best friend, and vice versa. I said upthread that the humor thing is super important, but being really good friends is equally so.
The Professor

[CaliforniaPeggy]

53. There are several things I have discovered over the 40 years I have

been married.......

Mutual respect and need...

Passion in bed......

A big house, with lots of rooms......

Privacy!


:hi:

[WeRQ4U]

56. Separate TV's

That's what my parents tell me. And they've done it now for 32 years.

[northzax]

57. duct tape

always duct tape.

[tigereye]

59. be flexible

be kind

talk to each other

make sure to remember why you like/love him or her in the first place!

Laugh about Bush and the Republicans a lot.

[Heidi]

60. It's not just one secret, and it's not a secret.

Love, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity. Call Me Wesley's presence in my life inspires me to a higher level of humanity and curiosity about my own potential. Being "in love" exists, of course, but the ability to _live_ day to day in mutual respect is a handier life skill when it comes to growing and changing, as all people and relationships will.

[In_The_Wind]

62. Never go to bed angry with each other.

[redqueen]

64. Guilt over what a divorce would do to the kids.

Works so far.

[Serial Mom]

65. Realizing that nobody else would put up with you

and still love you.

We celebrated 37 years of marriage yesterday, and yes, we still fight over dumb shit but when you think about starting over with somebody else we both say No Way!

We are also :pals: