Parents of teenagers - a question

[KitchenWitch]

How do you broach the topic of internet pr0n with your kids? If you have discovered it, how did you handle it with your kids?

[khashka]

1. What we did....

For a start we were perfectly honest with her from when she was tiny. No euphimisms, no double talk.


As she grew older we made sure she understood the concept of responsible sexuality. I always made a big deal about allowing her to see or read anything and then discussing it. (My wife sometimes disagreed - she thought I was both too permissive and too controlling.)

But honest discussion works.... it does. So did you find out your kid is looking at porn? Well, that's par for the course! Uhm, there are some good websites and books about sexuality. That are both informative and sexy:) Steer your teen toward those.

Khash.

[Oeditpus Rex]

2. I told my ex's older son

to let me know if he found any good sites.

[Akoto]

3. I know you wanted the advice of parents, but ...

As a 21-year-old male, who was a teenager not so long ago, I figure that you might at least appreciate an opinion from my front. :)

If you found that your teenager is looking at porn, talk to them, but don't beat them down about it. Nothing's more humiliating to a horomonal teenager going through body changes than having his folks assail him over his sexuality. In fact, he'll (or she'll?) probably be extremely embarrassed when you reveal that you know, which is why it's important to not be too cruel in expressing your disapproval. You don't want to traumatize the kid and make him think that sexuality is shameful.

Just remember that being a teenager is ... for lack of a better description, a very horny time in life. :) They're going to have an interest in such things. It's important that you make clear that these interests aren't wrong, but need to be channeled in other ways (at least until they're old enough to be viewing that stuff legally).

[KitchenWitch]

4. That is kind of how I handled it

I was very low key about it. He was mortified. I did tell him that I understood the curiosity (it happened to be lesbian porn) but also said that I disapproved, and would be checking up on him.

[Akoto]

5. Well, if it's any consolation ...

He is way far from the first male teenager to look at lesbian porn! I think that you handled it well. Humiliating them for being hormonal doesn't help, and hopefully he'll take your warning as indication that he change his ways.

I wish I could say that we all change as we get older, but sadly, some of us do not. I was and still am an angel, mind you. O8)

[KitchenWitch]

6. Of course you are

:hi:

[RoyGBiv]

7. So ...

Have you ever downloaded or seen pornography on the Internet or elsewhere? (This was with my daughter since that's what I happen to have.)

I know this probably isn't helpful, but that's actually how I handled it. We were talking about something Internet-related (weird stuff you can find online) and for no particular reason I just decided to ask. It was unexpected enough that I got a pretty good reaction from her, enough to know that she had seen it but not necessarily intentionally ... at least at first.

We then had a discussion about sex and the lack of reality in porn and moved quickly into online predators, how to spot them, and how to avoid them, the latter being what concerns me more. For whatever reason, I wasn't embarassed until after it was over.

SideNote: I've been fixing me daughter's computer this weekend and had the opportunity to rummage through it pretty extensively. I was actually looking for a virus and anything it had damaged, but that sent me everywhere. I found a few sexy (not pornographic) pictures and some video clips of musicians and movie people she likes, but nothing that would make me blush.

[KitchenWitch]

8. Wow, you handled that well

I plan on talking more indepth with my son, but for now, I kept it really low key.