Kindly help me with this question of etiquette

[YankeyMCC]

This has always been a peeve of mine both in face to face conversation and in email/electronic conversation although it's bothers me more in electronic conversation.

When someone responds to a question with "Kindly..." is that typically a way to respond in a condescending way or to show annoyance? That's how I typically take it. But perhaps I'm not in step with the intent.

For example I sent an email to someone saying "I called into the conference call but the operator said it was rescheduled. Did I miss a schedule change announcement?"

The response was "I sent the update some time ago. Kindly recheck your inbox."

That response struck me as somewhat rude. I was offering that it was likely just my own lapse in missing something and instead of just answering with "I sent it out (whenever he sent it out). The call was moved here's the update." something like that.

[wildhorses]

1. that word is awkard in that sentence...

"Recheck your inbox" would have sounded better. However, the kindly in this sentence does not bother me and I can read into things...sometimes email just does not lend itself to nuances. I think they did not want to give a COMMAND sentence like "recheck you inbox" and just threw in a word to make it sound less like a demand. It just came out wrong...

[kid a]

2. sounds snide

[auntAgonist]

3. sounds

rude to me. :shrug:

It's not how I would have responded.

aA

[tjwmason]

4. Depends on the person sending it.

If I put kindly in, it would be the most bloody-minded rude thing I could do - on the otherhand, I've got a colleague at work who uses it all of the time, and he doesn't have a nasty bone in his body it is meant genuinely in his case.

[YankeyMCC]

12. Yeah

that's why I second guess myself so much with email. I don't know this person except via email so I don't know how they typically use it.

Like some of the others here if I use "Kindly" I'm probably Trying to hold my tongue against replying in a much more blatantly rude manner.

[jukes]

5. sounds patronizing in

your example. i'll admit, i use it as a mild "smackdown" in posts someXs...

[Runcible Spoon]

7. I wish you would kindly refrain from threatening to smack us down

:evilgrin:

[jukes]

8. got me!

now: "tag"
:yoiks:

[redqueen]

6. In that usage, it is nasty.

But it's not always used that way.

[gollygee]

9. It seems like it they didn't want to be nasty

they would have simply said "please". Or just told you what you needed to know again - which wouldn't have taken any more time than writing what they wrote.

[anarch]

10. yeah, especially in an email like that, it's sort of nasty

in a way that someone can look at and say, "What, me, nasty? Kindly recheck the email I sent...I was clearly civil." Then again, some people just write emails like that without intending to sound all condescending and rude.

On the other hand, your email asking if you "missed something" could also be taken as a sort of implied accusation that whoever it was failed to notify you of the schedule change. Email sucks sometimes, with only text to convey emotion...I bet there are lots of times people are upset for no good reason because of taking something in an email the wrong way.

Anyway, it would have been better for the sender to be more clear in their intent. A better wording would have been:

"What are you, fucking STUPID!?!? I sent the schedule change like LAST FUCKING WEEK, asshole! God, I hope you burn in hell."

That way, there would be no question!

[YankeyMCC]

11. I agree

at least then I know where I stand with them. ;)

[Debi]

13. I saw it as another way to say

"Please recheck your inbox". And nothing more (unless you know the person who sent it and they are a jerk)

:shrug:

[wildhorses]

14. I agree with you Debi, unless we know the person and their

speaking habits...how can we judge?...

[skygazer]

15. It's actually a more old-fashioned form

A person may be using it to be snide but they may just read Victorian novels. I have a tendency to use some rather formal and old-fashioned wording because I read a lot of older stuff.

I'd shrug it off and give it the benefit of the doubt.

[SOteric]

16. The use of the word 'kindly' in that particular manner

could be either snide or a pleasantry. A lot of that depends on the generation of the speaker, and/or the speaker's cultural background.

In some age brackets it's another way to say 'please recheck your inbox...' And in some Commonwealth countries, the same is still true.

If there are two ways to take something and one of them makes you hurt, upset or angry, assume the other was the interpretation meant.

[YankeyMCC]

17. Well that's probably good advice

and I'm not planning on doing anything or dwelling on it but it stuck in my mind a bit...long enough to wonder about and use as an excuse to post on DU. :)