One of the attorneys I work with just gave me this story, had to share.

[Rainbowreflect]

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, LEGAL VERSION

Whereas on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter the House) a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stockings, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a St. Nicholas a/k/a Santa Claus (hereinafter Claus) would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein visions of confectionery treats, including but not limited to candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavot and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter refered to as I), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the second part (hereinafter Mamma), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance.

The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the Vehicle) being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly throught the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus. Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dance, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner & Blitzen (hereinafter the Deer). Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named Rudolph, may have been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys, and other items of the unkown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitaion or permissin, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from said Chimney, and carried a large sack containing a portion the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items.

He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stockings of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute gifts to said minor pursuant to applicable provision of the U.S. Tax Code.)

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as lookouts. Claus immediatly departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night, or words to that effect.

[terrya]

1. I wish I knew some lawyers to send this.

Great (legal) story! Very funny! :-)

[soleft]

2. I wrote a mafia version

T’WAS THE HIT BEFORE XMAS


It was the hit before Christmas, and all through the olive presses
Not a wise guy was stirring cause they’d all gone to the mattresses

The Napolitano Brothers were hung from the meat hooks with care
In the hopes that the protection money from Local 247’d be there

The children were nestled, their heads filled with wishes
Cause nobody’s ever told them Santa sleeps with the fishes

So my wife was asleep, in my bedroom, where my children play
As I was closing the drapes, had to duck from gun spray

Outside the house I heard such a splatter
Nothing’s worse on than lawn than Sicilian brain matter

I reached for the phone, tried to call up Tom Hagan
Who’d do this tonight? Must be a pagan

Bazzini, Tessio, maybe Clemenza
Then heard a car engine, sounded like a Mercedes Benza

I looked down the drive - thought no way that’s a rental
9 guys pulling up in a Green Continental

I smelled garlic, and basil, and fresh Provolone
I knew in a moment it must be Capone

They got out of the car, Capone took his time
He started saying their names, and it’s amazing they rhyme

Yo Tony, Yo Sonny, Yo Vinny, Yo Vito, Ay Michael, Ay Fredo, Ay Paulie, Ay Guido

He said, when you walk in the snow, don’t yous leave any track-es
Now get the f*#k outta here, Go file my taxes


A few seconds later I heard the doorbell
I was still really confused, I thought he’d died in his cell

He said through the door, Don, I just want to talk
You won’t end up on the floor all outlined in chalk

So I opened the door and let him into my home
Godfather, he said, I’ve just come from Rome

I’ve got all these toys, I’m here to spread hope
I may get to heaven if I can impress the Pope

He was dressed in a charcoal gray pinstripe suit
silk scarf ‘round his neck, six inch shiv in his boot

He seemed nervous so I poured him a shot glass of whiskey
He kissed my hand, both my cheeks, I said, look don’t get frisky

He said Don, I was thinking of moving some blow
This time of year he’s so busy, how’s the Pope gonna know

He took out a glock nine and pointed it at me
I thought that would look nice under my tree

I figured he was hungry, he was so roly poly
I said, hey, Al, Leave the gun, you can take the cannoli

And listen my friend, this business of drugs is no good
Hookers and gambling, think about it you should

And don’t think cause you’re dead, that Al, you can’t lose
Your mother in Palermo could wear cement shoes

He got really quiet, started scratching his scar
I said, Listen to your Don, and we walked to his car

I could give you a job, just pick a Casino
We got places in Vegas, Carson City and Reno

He got in his car, told his driver to go
I went inside cause it was 20 freakin’ below

But I heard him exclaim as he accepted my offer
Merry Xmas to you, and uh…where the f#@k’s Jimmy Hoffa?

[geniph]

3. Geek version

Twas the night before implementation
And all through the house,
Not a program was working,
Not even a browse.

The programmers hung by their displays in despair,
with hopes that a miracle would soon be there.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out in the hall rose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a super programmer with a six pack of beer.

His resume glowed with experience so rare,
he turned out great code with a bit pusher's flair.
More rapid than eagles,
his programs they came,
and he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
On Update! On Add! On Inquire! On Delete!
On Batch Jobs! On Closing!
On Functions Complete.

His eyes were glazed over,
fingers nimble and lean,
from weekends and nights
spent in front of a screen.
A wink of his eye
and a twist of his head,
soon gave me to know,
I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word,
but went straight to his work,
turning specs into code,
then turned with a jerk;
And laying his finger on the ENTER KEY,
the system came up and worked perfectly.
The updates updated;
the deletes, they deleted;
The inquiries inquired;
and the closings completed.

He tested each whistle,
and tested each bell,
with nary an ABEND,
and all had gone well.
The system was finished
and the tests were concluded.
The client's last changes
were even included.

Then the clients exclaimed
with a snarl and a taunt,
"It's just what I asked for,
but not what I want."