I accidentally backed my Hummer through my veal barn tonight.

[Rabrrrrrr]

It wouldn't have been so bad, but a couple of the calves - of the few who lived - got away and ran into the foie gras geese barn, startling them, and a whole bunch broke their necks on their feeding tubes. Luckily, I had my assault rifle loaded with cop killer bullets, and I was able to kill the calves - along with some *#*&%#&$ feral cats - before they caused any more harm, but not before I got my best wife-beater shirt - the one with the "I (club) MY WIFE" decal on it - covered in blood.

I've created a memorial bonfire out of the few hundreds of tires I've been saving.

[GOPisEvil]

1. Were you playing your Laura Branigan cds at the time?

[Fuzz]

2. At least you weren't smoking!!!

[GOPisEvil]

3. Or breastfeeding.

[Withywindle]

24. Smoking AND breastfeeding at the same time!

I find it's a good idea to smoke a LOT while you're pregnant. Those low-birthweight babies don't make you look as fat.

[Gormy Cuss]

4. Veal cutlets, breaded with

crushed cornflakes must be on the dinner menu tonight, with takeout pasta from the Olive Garden.

[Left Is Write]

23. Cutlets is a funny word.

[greatauntoftriplets]

5. Was this after dinner at the Olive Garden....

where you ate fried chicken and breastfed your baby in public while talking loudly on your cell phone and letting your 28 other kids run amok?

[Withywindle]

28. I only do that with my face fully veiled...

that way no one knows who I am.

[rug]

6. Maybe you can get a new barn door through freecycle.

[lizziegrace]

7. He was in a hurry to get his

"Paint Like Thomas Kinkade" art set on sale at the local WalMart.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

8. Did you go out to dinner at The Olive Garden afterwards?

And smoke in the nonsmoking section while you waited for your order of veal parmigiana to arrive and your date breast-fed her baby?

[petronius]

9. That's cool - as long as you didn't set off any fireworks...

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

10. Damn fucking rain. I was gonna set some off tonight.

Just because I could.

[petronius]

11. I am so going to call the cops on you,

you freakin' richie. Why don't you just light up a cigarette and give instant lung cancer to the whole neighborhood while you wait?

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

12. I'm smoking right now.

Just got back from the Quik Chek. You know with these gas prices, it's not too bad driving an SUV.

[petronius]

13. LOL! It's tough to type a dead-pan delivery, but your last sentence

was spot on... (especially sine I'm pretty sure you're telling the truth.) :toast:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

14. Yeah, my Grand Cherokee eats gas.

I'm paying over a dollar less a gallon now than I was over the summer. That's beer money right there.

:toast:

[IndyBob]

15. Had a bad night too

Was on the way to the vet's to have my dogs circumcised. Burned a hole in the seat of the Excursion when I dropped my cigarette. Good thing I had an open beer, was able to get it out right away.

LOL - that's the last time I try running the Garmin GPS, adjust the stereo, and talk on the cell at the same time. I need one of those hands free things.

[Mz Pip]

16. No yellow ribbons

were harmed in this fiasco, I assume? Wouldn't want that to happen.

Mz Pip
:dem:

[Rabrrrrrr]

17. I thought I lost one, but found it in one of my seal fur coats

It was covered in mud, so I had to throw the coat away, but that's alright, I have my club ready and my ticket to Alaska already purchased, so I'll just make a few more of the coats.

[Mz Pip]

19. You could have washed

it in some non-biodegradable detergent then dumped the mess into the local water source. Geez, you gotta learn how to save those yellow ribbons. :eyes: Each one is precious.

Mz Pip
:dem:

[hfojvt]

18. It's okay though

as long as none of your Kinkade's were damaged.

[peekaloo]

20. This deserves more eyes.

:rofl:

[Midlodemocrat]

21. You can make all of this right if you have a chicken pot pie at Cracker

Barrel tomorrow. I mean, it is, Chicken Pot Pie day, after all.

It's a tough job, but someone has to do it.


But, I have to tell you, the CPP is Farkin' delicious!!!!!!

[Left Is Write]

22. You should have been breastfeeding those danged calves.

[Broken_Hero]

25. Well,

at least you weren't smoking a cig...whew, you had me worried there for a second....



:rofl:

[XemaSab]

26. Tell it to John Fucking Kerry

when he swings through your state stumping for 2008.

:eyes:

[Withywindle]

27. KERRY/OBAMA!1!08!!!!1!!!!!

Because we need to start electing TALL guys again!