I'm okay now but last week lemme tell ya I was in bad shape

[underpants]

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.


I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.


I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.


I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!

Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide."

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark..."

[Richardo]

1. He and I share a birthday - I always liked that.

O8) Rodney

"Hey there, wanna make $14....the hard way?" :rofl:

[underpants]

2. -

I had never heard the sling shot one before. Too funny.

[Richardo]

3. "Are you kiddin'?...

...I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

:rofl: