Small but important stuff you found out the hard way?

[WilliamPitt]

I'm not talking about love, or hate, or loyalty, or anything profound. I'm talking about small yet important things you found out by being an idiot.

Example: Last night it was very hot, and I was very thirsty. So I drank three full pints of Welch's Grape Juice. Mmmmmmmm.

This morning I found out, and continue to find out, and will likely be occupied in finding out for some hours to come, that this volume of grape juice acts as an incredibly powerful laxative. :(

How about you?

[molly]

1. How about beets? I love pickled beets and eggs

if you aren't aware of what is reality, you may think you are bleeding to death.

[fertilizeonarbusto]

2. harry truman used to say

"never kick fresh turds on a hot day"
try not to discover this by experience

[Khephra]

3. I learned

That even if you're in a panic state because you've just found out that a colony of ants are living in your waterbed, it is NOT a good idea to cut holes in your bed to let out the water. Always wait for a draining tube...especially if you live on the second floor.

:evilgrin:

[JitterbugPerfume]

4. I learned the very same lesson anout

turnip greens . I love 'em but they can sure do a number on you

[tridim]

5. Welch's Grape Juice

is one of those things that's just worth the consequences.

[WilliamPitt]

6. You might disagree

if you were here. Stinky.

[TXlib]

50. TMI!

[BlackRhino]

7. I learned the bitter truth about retarded people the hard way.

In these ever-so-politically-correct times in which we live, the mentally handicapped are often portrayed as being pure of spirit, as having simpler wants and needs than the rest of us, as being sweetly naïve and even preternaturally innocent, somehow. It is because we don't want these comforting illusions to be shattered that so few of us are willing to face the truth… that nothing in this world is quite so dangerous as a retard on a rampage.

Unfortunately, because of the taboo nature of the subject, most of us have to find this out the hard way. One minute, you're a twelve-year-old kid playing stickball in the local sandlot, feeling good about yourself for convincing the other kids to let Hoyt, the neighborhood mongoloid, take a few swings between innings, and then, BLAMMO! You wake up in the hospital with multiple fractures and three days amnesia only to have your friends tell you all about how Hoyt fell on you like a screeching avalanche of fury - remorselessly pounding your crumpled body with the strength of ten men and the very same aluminum baseball bat that you, yourself, had handed him - when you said "ice cream truck." This phrase, Hoyt's far-too-similar-looking parents would later inform you, was virtually guaranteed to send their boy into a towering homicidal frenzy.

And so the next time you and Hoyt crossed paths, and you dared look into the cold, black, cross-eyed vacuum of his fish-like stare, you knew that you would never again let your guard down around a retarded person... especially if he or she was twice your size. You were wiser about human nature through experience, and not revelation. And that's a valuable thing.

[WilliamPitt]

9. That is the worst

and funniest thing I have ever read.

[MuseRider]

45. Be careful

don't laugh too hard!

[molly]

11. What a horrible experience! Why would his parents not keep

an eye on him if they knew he could be a danger?

[BlackRhino]

26. They WERE keeping an eye on him.

He was three doors down, across the street, visible to his folks on their porch. They're the ones who pulled him off me.

[fertilizeonarbusto]

12. Though your language is a bit crude

I agree this is a valuable lesson. I worked with mentally handicapped people for years and was assaulted without provocation several times, twice seriously. Don't sentimentalize, gang, it can be painful.

[Poll_Blind]

48. Still, you're better off than...

...Shanika Thomas of Palmdale, CA, who had both of her eyes gouged out by a mentally retarded co-worker at a Del Taco restaurant. The assailant, 25-year-old Torelle Hill, reportedly dragged a screaming Shanika into a trash enclosure behind the restaurant, where he beat her mercilessly and ripped her eyes out with his bare fucking hands...because he had a crush on her.

PB

[BlackRhino]

58. Hey PB

Why is your private message fucntion turned off?

[Poll_Blind]

62. It's not. Click the Note with squiggles icon...(see message)

Click this:

PB

[BlackRhino]

64. I don't have enough posts to Instant Message.

Sorry.

[Poll_Blind]

76. I think you only need 10 more...

Drop me a line when you do...

PB

[bushh8ter]

8. Don't do this---

Leave your car running with the AC on on a hot day,lock it and just take the remote entry tag as you run in to do an errand. Found out the hard way that the remote tag doesn't work when the car is running...

[mistertrickster]

10. Never pay for any house repairs / maintaince BY THE HOUR

You might as well just hand the rascals a blank effing check.

Had a major plumbing repair done by the hour last month and it was very bad for the old bank account. Get a bid and sign a contract. That's what I ended up doing anyway after they ran the cost up on me.

Live and learn . . .

[ploppy]

13. Don't turn a glass

pie pan upside down to see if the crust is baked through.

[WilliamPitt]

15. Is that where you got your screen name?

:)

[ploppy]

43. Sort of

:)

[ForrestGump]

14. Very similar experience

Ate 500g of prunes one day. Seemed like a good idea. Spent the better (not-so-better, as it turned out) part of two days in the proverbial small room, as a result. Haven't really craved prunes since.

[anti_shrub]

16. Having a mom who smokes...

..and who also frequently uses non conventional objects as ashtrays, I learned to always ask if the pop can she's handing me has pop in it or not.

Sounds silly until you think you're being offered a sip of Coke and end up with a mouthful of ciggie ashes....

[Loonman]

17. One of my co-workers

One of my co-workers had a long attack of the shits one morning.

So I asked him what he ate or drank that morning.


2 12 oz cans of apple juice and two cups of coffee.

[havocmom]

18. heat + motion = expansion

I knew that, but sorta forgot once. Regular blender container was broken and someone wanted 'frothy' hot chocolate made in the blender. I remembered that the threads on the blender cutting assmeblage are made to fit a standard mason jar. I'll use that, says I.

Warmed the milk, put chocolate, sugar and hot milk in the jar, screwed on the blender parts and cranked that puppy up. Ooops, a mason jar, unlike your standard blender container, has only one opening, now closed by the blender parts; no vent for steam.

OK, picture a cocoa filled ICBM taking off in your kitchen...

Hey, don't belive me? I still have what is left of the blender cook book if you want evidence!

edit: to add important detail about steam vent

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

19. The most important technique I discovered about working with people

on the job: Smile politely, listen to everything that is being said to you, flatter the hell out of them, and then when they leave you to your job just DO IT THE WAY IT NEEDS TO BE DONE. Make them feel like they know what they're talking about, even when it's obvious they're blithering idiots. Make them happy, and when they go away and leave you to your work, if you do it correctly, they'll be happy when it's done. Lie to them if you have to, but finish the job the RIGHT way, NOT THEIR WAY.

Words of wisdom with 48 years of living to back them up.

Trust me. I'm a professional.

[DS1]

20. Don't eat a bag of popcorn when you're really dehydrated

:hurts:

[nuxvomica]

30. More popcorn lessons

1) Popcorn isn't just a substrate for melted butter and salt. You simply can't forgo the popcorn in that recipe.
2) Basil oil is great in cooking but doesn't belong on popcorn.

[underpants]

21. Don't drink milk before working out

:puke:

[GOPisEvil]

22. Oven mitts are great protectors against heat transfer...

...but they CAN catch fire if left on an electric burner.

[SOteric]

46. And here's a little known fact,

most of them emit severly toxic gases, usually cyanide, when the burn.

[GOPisEvil]

59. Oh lovely...

...I might have poisoned myself, too. It would explain certain things, though. :D

[Lady President]

56. Me too!

The fact that oven mitts protect from heat was enough to assure me that they couldn't catch fire~ I was wrong. As much as I normally laugh at product warning labels, I think a quick mention that oven mitts catch on fire would be appropriate.

[JVS]

70. Related warning

If you are using a towel to pick up a pan it must be DRY.
I was making cornbread once and used a wet towel to pick up the pan. My fingers were burned, not badly, but if I had grasped a bake sheet it would have been very bad.

[BiggJawn]

23. Leave some EXTRA room at the end of the condom...

Or you'll pull out with this funny rubber ring and some shreds around the base of your Johnson.
Etiquette DEMANDS that you pay for the EPT's (and anything else that happens)....

[OrdinaryTa]

24. Have The Key In Your Hand

Have the key in your hand when you shut a self-locking door. Don't assume it's in your pocket. Put the key in your hand and look at it. It's an extra step, easily forgotten, but it will save you hours of grief.

A corollary: If you're not driving, make sure you have your house keys when you're leaving a place some distance from home. I later went back and found my house keys on the floor where they'd fallen out of my pocket. But that was after I had to wake up my neighbor and he managed to climb in the window.

[StaggerLee]

29. ask before you eat

Especially if you are overseas.
I ate dog in the Philippines back in '93 - NOT my intention.

I wonder if that's why cats dig me so much...:shrug:


on edit- sorry TA. Wasn't meant as a reply to your post- Great advice though. :-)

[Lizz612]

25. Keeping with the food theme...

Don't eat an entire raw pinapple and then going upstairs to brush your teeth with a "minty-fresh" toothpaste. If you do, don't try to have anything hot to drink the next morning with breakfast. Oh, my poor tongue!

Edit: I can conjugate verbs, yep sure I can.

[MissMillie]

27. When filling a glass container....

full of stock, broth, etc, with the intent to freeze.... don't fill it all the way.

[carolinayellowdog]

28. Thoroughly check out a neighborhood before you buy

Alarmed by the first drive-by shooting in my city of 50,000 happening within sight of my house, I sold it and moved to the country. Ended up right in the middle of a bunch of very scary dopedealing burglarizing rednecks who are far worse neighbors than the ones I left behind in town. Guy across the road is now in prison for murdering a man *for stealing a pit bull puppy.* Guy next door now in jail for stealing an ATV that belonged to the murderer out of my other next door neighbor's (his uncle) garage after the killer went to prison.

[mistertrickster]

32. Isn't that pretty much par for the South?

Hehehe, it's a joke, okay? . . . no flames please.

I can dish it out, but I can't take it.

[carolinayellowdog]

35. Not NC

I considered adding, "lest anyone see this as an opportunity to slam North Carolina, this happened in Virginia." Which is why I stay at my other house (lake cabin in NC) as much of the time as possible.

[trof]

31. Never trust an electrician

short version
Hired electrician to run power line from circuit breaker panel to workshop/shed.
I could wire the lights and switches inside.
He finished, took me to the CB box and said "I marked it, it's CB #1B".
I paid him and thanked him.
The next morning I turned the breaker off and started my wiring job.
As soon as I grabbed the incoming wires ZZAAPPP!!!
Damn near got knocked on my ass.
Experimentation found it was CB # 1A.
Just a tiny mistake.
I never NEVER do a wiring job any more without first using a circuit tester to be sure the dead wires ARE dead.
:grr:

[masslib]

33. Never iron while wearing a bikini.

n/t

[Capn Sunshine]

63. Corallary

Never iron in the nude.

[NJCher]

34. purse

Never ever put your purse on top of the car or on the hood/trunk or anywhere but in the car itself.


Cher

[NJCher]

36. don't assume

That's some story, California Yellowdog!

Don't automatically assume that four guys in a big white SUV dressed in plain clothes are not police officers and it is therefore OK to flip them the bird and yell "FU" for cutting you off.


Cher

[TXlib]

55. That must've been an "Oh, Shit!" moment!

Don't automatically assume that four guys in a big white SUV dressed in plain clothes are not police officers and it is therefore OK to flip them the bird and yell "FU" for cutting you off.

[Ellen Forradalom]

37. Don't drink coffee and lemonade at lunch

when the next exit is 100 miles down the highway.

[NJCher]

38. this one's from my brother

Don't assume the young girl hanging outside the liquor store and who wants you to purchase her a six-pack isn't the judge's daughter.


Cher

[ibegurpard]

39. DO NOT wear zippered pants or shorts

without underwear.

:hurts:

[Ellen Forradalom]

47. A former colleague liked wearing cutoffs w/ no undies

and one fine day I noticed he had started to creep out. I invited him to check out a pair of jockey shorts and told him if one of our uptight male coworkers had seen that, they would have freaked.

[ibegurpard]

60. Actually, that wasn't the reason I had in mind...

...I was thinking more along the lines of getting yourself caught in the zipper (which is excruciatingly painful) but your reason is another solid one to heed this advice.

[Poll_Blind]

51. Ibegurpard speaks The Truth on that one...heed those words.

Where were you when I was 9, Ibegurpard?!?!

PB

[SOteric]

40. My brother, while making a batch of his famous

jalapeno salsa, stopped to use the washroom without having worn gloves to cut his hot peppers, nor even washing his hands before getting down to the task.

He stomped up and down so hard the house shook, and cursed loudly and violently in 3 languages.

[Ellen Forradalom]

44. Hey, my ex-husband did that too

Added a pinch of cayenne to his chili, then went to the restroom. He shrieked and hopped all over the house like his tail was on fire (which it was.)

[XNASA]

41. Don't play basketball with shoes that are too small for your feet.

I did that once. And a week later, both of my big toenails fell off.

Honestly.

[Ellen Forradalom]

42. Make sure the mineral water you ordered is NOT medicinal.

One time many years ago I was wandering around Budapest on a hot summer day with a friend. She got thirsty, so she darted into a pharmacy and bought a bottle of mineral water, "Franz-Josef Víz." She drank 3/4 of the bottle over the next few hours. The next day she was stricken with full-scale bowel evacuation. Turns out the stuff is indicated for constipation and a little cup will do you.

We called it Csódavíz, Wunder Wasser, Franz-Josef's Revenge and The Empire Strikes Back.

[TXlib]

49. Never fry bacon while naked.

[anti_shrub]

57. On a related frying note

Even if you think its a good idea, don't carry a frying pan full of sizzling egg residue across your kitchen with the intention of throwing it over the back porch without first checking to see if the sliding glass door is unlocked.

My cousin did that one, while shirtless no less....

[GAspnes]

52. don't smoke and solder at the same time

and *especially* don't keep staring at the circuit board while you reach for the cigarette to pick it up with your index and middle fingers.

[GregW]

53. Malt vinegar is not a substitute for white vinegar

Especially when you make deviled eggs :puke:

[OrdinaryTa]

54. Don't Get Liniment on Your Nipples

It's good to slosh liniment on your sore arm. But be careful not to get it on the heel of your hand. If you get liniment on your nipple you'll wish you hadn't! And whatever you do, don't rub your eye!

[WilliamPitt]

61. LOL

:)

[maxanne]

65. Don't wear an angora sweater

with an unlined lace brassiere.

ITCH!!!!!!!!!!

[BritishHuman]

66. A similar lesson with Milk of Magnesia

I had terrible heartburn and took a couple of BIG swigs. Then I read the side, where it said, "Two teaspoons for indigestion. Two tablespoons for constipation." I'd taken about three tablespoons.

They weren't kidding.

[SOteric]

67. Oh poop.

No really.

:hi:

[BritishHuman]

77. I shit you not.

Everything else, maybe...

:hurts:

[underpants]

68. If you are treating a GROIN PULL with "atomic balm" BE CAREFUL

Especially when you are doing this prior to football practice (and will be in football pants)on a 85 degree 85% humidity coastal Virginia day.

Strooong stuff

[trumad]

69. I pulled grass out of the chute of a running lawnmower!

The blade hit my two middle fingers and put a serious hurting on me for days...Lost both Nails... I mean the God Damn thing was running when I did it... It's like I forgot that important part. To this day it was the single most dumbest thing that I've ever done!

[underpants]

71. I had one roll across my foot when I worked at a golf course

Steel toed boots saved the day. When you fall your first instinct is to grab something, unfortuneately I already had ahold of something....the emergency release on the mower. I squeezed it tighter.

:spank:

[Throckmorton]

72. Size may not always matter, but, when it does, its humbling.

Lesson learn while in high scholl, and reafirmed a few year later by the rudest date of all times.

[molly]

73. Hot peppers contain HOT pepper oil - never-ever-ever

pick one up without rubber gloves - even if they are dried. I have grown all different types of hot peppers - my younger son loves them. He came over last month asking for some peppers that I had dried a couple of years ago. I had a bunch - chocolate habeneros included. I got out the glass jars and reached in - he said "no Mom - put on some gloves". I told him it was no problem - they were dried. I washed my hands at least 3 times - the stuff is like glue. Thank goodness I didn't touch my eyes, but I did touch my face and it HURT.

[DrWeird]

74. Catwoman likes it rough.

I still get nightmares.

[trof]

75. OH-OH-OH

Can't BELIEVE I forgot this.
1. Wear rubber gloves while preparing habanero peppers.
2. When finished, strip them of, not touching the outside, and dispose.
3. Wash your hands 3 times with HOT soapy water.
Once I forgot steps one and two.
DID wash hand several times.
Took a leak about an hour later and
HOOCHY MAMA!
MADRE DE DIOS!
CHIHUAHUA!
doin the scorched weenie dance

[Spirochete]

78. To this day...

I won't pick an apple or pear, etc. up off the ground without giving it a little kick first. (Incident with a few yellowjackets when I was 5)

I don't fry bacon without a shirt on, either.

[Uzybone]

79. If your cooking oil catches on fire

never take the pan and run it under the faucet ....:grr: