Women, Men, and Long Hair

[hyphenate]

What is it about men wanting women to have long hair? It seems that many men have something against women with short hair--why?

And women--do you feel pressured by men to grow out your hair if it is currently short, even if you prefer your hair that way?

Are the men who prefer long hair on women even conscious that they are pressuring women? Or is it something that is happening on a subconscious level?

I've gone from really short to pretty long, but it's been always too frizzy to have it long for very long. I think shorter is better, but I've noticed I get more "compliments" when it's longer, even if it looks horrendous to me. So what's the story?

As far as men are concerned, hair isn't as much an issue. I personally prefer men with neat hair, but length doesn't matter as much. Is this some sort of double standard again, with men getting a free ride and women being oppressed once more? :P

[LibertyLover]

1. Beats the heck out of me, but I know what you mean

In the interests of full disclosure, I have long hair and don't particularly want to cut it, but I have some reasons. I do historical recreation - Middle Ages and Renaissance - and natural long hair just works better. I am a total klutz when it comes to being able to do things with my hair, so leaving it long and putting it up with hair sticks works nicely. And I have better things to do with my money, like buying a new pair of turtle brooches to go with my new Viking garb, than going to the salon every few weeks to have my hair cut and styled. But if it were easier and cheaper to deal with short hair, I'd do it. But the first time my then-boyfriend and now my husband saw me with my hair down, the first words out of his mouth were "Don't ever cut it." :shrug: Oh well, I like it long and it looks ok.

[alarimer]

2. I have always had short hair

It is just easier. I just wash it and go. No hair drying, no styling of any sort. It suits me and my lifestyle. I work outside and I can't imagine have to deal with long hair in the heat.

I once had a boyfriend who objected when I cut my hair, which I do every couple of months. He asked me if he had a say in whether or not I cut my hair. I told him no. That is too controlling for me. We broke up shortly thereafter. Just not really my type. I would break up with anyone who set conditions on my appearance in any way. I am a bit touchy like that.

[itsmesgd]

3. I hate having big hair, so I keep it short, but I like ladies with long hair...

does that make me a hairpocrite?

[BarenakedLady]

4. I have long hair

Mostly because I'm just too lazy to get it cut...though at one time I did have it VERY short back in 1994 or so. I've found that most men really dig the long hair, so that's a double bonus for me. When I danced (this is going way back to my teenaged years) I needed long hair to better put it up in a bun.

I am in dire need of a trim though. Gah, split ends.

[Orsino]

5. Women's hair is pretty.

More is prettier, in general.

[YDogg]

6. I dig my spouse's hair any way it is.

For whatever reason.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

7. My hair never goes past my shoulders.

I can't have it shorter than a few centimeters below my chin, since it's so curly and just looks like a prime example of dumbassery when that short, but I won't have it very long, either, since then it's just a mess.

If a man likes long hair, he can grow it on himself. :P (Which I have no objection to, btw, since I dig that mad hippie sort of look, as long as the hair is clean and not dreadlocked *shudders*)

[Katherine Brengle]

8. To be fair, most women prefer men with shorter hair...

I like my hair short, my husband doesn't seem to mind, except when it's growing out (like right now) and I look like a crazed mountain woman...

[Kat45]

22. Not necessarily. I've always preferred men with long hair,

and I'm not the only one.

[Katherine Brengle]

38. Mm-hmm, but I said "most" not all : ). nt

[fudge stripe cookays]

29. I loves me some long hair on my mens.

reprehensor is one of the few I've dated (or married!) with short hair.

[Nikia]

40. The corporate world prefers men with short hair

Unless a man is already very accomplished, he is going to have a hard time getting a job in many fields at many companies.

[bicentennial_baby]

9. My man loves it short

the shorter the better. :D

[Rob H.]

10. I *love* short hair on women

If other guys don't, well, more for me! :P

[Anarcho-Socialist]

11. I am not sure I have a preference

women with wonderful hearts will inevitably shine through.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

12. This is really interesting.

You should post it in the Women's Rights forum.

Personally, I prefer short hair on women, and I'm a woman.

[skygazer]

13. A lot of men find long hair sexy

As a woman, I find it kinda sexy too. Why? I don't know - it tosses about in a sort of wild, uninhibited way. I can understand the allure, put it that way.

There are also plenty of women who look incredible with short hair and I'm sure there are a lot of guys who prefer it.

I've had mine both ways and right now I'm with a guy who really loves it long. If I wanted to cut it, I would but I will admit that part of the reason I don't is because he loves it so much.

At the same time, he kind of likes to have a mustache but knows I prefer him without one. I'd be perfectly happy if he grew a mustache, he'd be perfectly happy if I cut my hair - we both know why we love the other person and it isn't because of hair.

It's because we care enough about each other to want to make the other person deleriously happy all the time. So I have long hair and he has no mustache.

[LeftyMom]

14. I look kinda butch with short hair and don't personally like it.

My guy wouldn't care if I shaved my head, as long as I liked it and felt sexy.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

16. ...

:spray:

[Little Wing]

15. Perhaps it's a sexual/biological thing

Women with long hair can do different things with it, and since we're programmed to spread our seed as far and wide as possible, women with long hair can appear different which appeals to that underlying sense of males, if even in a lessened manner.

I like a lot of long-haired styles on women, but I recognize that some women do look better with a short haircut.

[Ariana Celeste]

17. Used to feel pressured to keep it long

But I got tired of it and cut most of it off. And it turned out my SO really liked it! And of course so did I. :)

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

18. My opinion on this is the same for any aesthetics. Everyone is different. So people just look

better with long hair. Others it doesn't work for. Same thing with weight. Some people look better when they actually have some weight, and it doesn't work for some (we're just talking aesthetics, don't jump my ass because you think I'm being anti- whatever)

[hyphenate]

34. Oh, that's fine!

I have no real bent toward it either way, myself. Keeping my own short was far more preferable to me because my hair was thick, frizzy, naturally curly and naturally wavy. Since I'm now close to menopause (soon, I hope, anyway!), my hair has thinned out a lot and it doesn't look as bad longer. I'll never go bald, thankfully, but a lot of the reasons I've kept it short are waning, and I've been letting it get a little longer as a result.

My niece always told me right after I got a haircut that I looked gay with it (a very butch look, she said), but having a haircut that actually only required a wash and a natural drying was perfect for me. I didn't care one way or another as to whether I looked gay or not--it wasn't relevant.

[Zookeeper]

19. I've never understood men who have a sense of ownership..

over a woman's hair.

When I was in my late teens, I had waist-length, very thick blonde hair. During my lunch break from a summer secretarial job, I decided to get my hair cut, walked into a salon and had it cut VERY short. When I went back to work, my bosses were really upset...like I wasn't allowed to cut my hair without their permission! :crazy: My "feminist" boyfriend was also unhappy, and questioned why I didn't check with him first. I was shocked on both counts...gee, I thought it was MY hair!

Luckily, my DH is happy with me doing whatever I want, hair-wise. I'd like to see him wear his beautiful hair a little longer, but...it's his hair.

[hfojvt]

66. It's not really ownership

except maybe for the boyfriend and then it is only shared ownership. Even if it is trumped, don't I at least get a vote?
However, if you owned a very beautiful piece of stained glass and one day decided to throw a rock through it lots of people would be horrified even though it is your stained glass. In the same way a callous use of scissors can destroy what once was a precious thing of beauty.

[Ghost in the Machine]

20. I personally prefer women with long hair..

but it's just my choice. My hair is well past my shoulders, and I just can't see me dating someone with hair shorter than mine, although I have on a couple of occasions. It has nothing to do with "control" over a woman's hair or anything else... it's all about personal preference and choice. If you don't like her hair, don't ask her out.. right?

[Lydia Leftcoast]

21. I personally prefer BEING a woman with long hair

I've had it short at various times in my life, especially when I've felt that I had to look professional, but about three years ago, I decided that I'm really a long hair at heart, so despite my age, I've been growing it. (However, I never wear it loose in public, always up or tied back.)

[Manifestor_of_Light]

23. My sister had a control freak husband back in the 80s

He wanted her to wear it long, straight, parted in the middle, and NO MAKEUP.
She got it cut short and highlighted, and it was cute. He acted like a total jackass and I believe he refused to have "marital relations" with her.

Yeah, a real catch. They divorced. Now he's married to a little Oriental woman who probably waits on him and is submissive.

My hair is thick and wavy and I cannot wear it long because then it is uncontrollable. I can't even wash it thoroughly.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

dupe

[La Lioness Priyanka]

we orientals are submissive by nature unlike you occidentals who are so fierce.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

65. I observed this particular woman and she seemed to be a follower.

I was not generalizing about all Orientals. So don't attempt to bait me like that.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

71. i am not baiting you. firstly no one says oriental any more. asians are not carpets

secondly you said "submissive oriental"...that is a racial stereotype.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

43. dupe

[grace0418]

50. Culturally insensitive much?

Orientals are carpets. Asians are people, and most people would prefer not to have assumptions made about them based on race.

[NewJeffCT]

63. You must not know too many Oriental women...

I know quite a few men - both Chinese and non-Chinese - that are married to Chinese women, and all of these men do a majority of the housework.

[NewWaveChick1981]

24. I am in the process of growing my hair to the middle of my back, and it's by choice.

:hi: I love my hair longer than it is, but because of some bad decisions about hair color and cuts a few years ago, my hairdresser and I agreed that we'd get everything under control and then grow it out to a great style. So far, he's done exactly the right things with my hair.

I've always enjoyed playing with my hair and trying new things with it. I've had it down to my waist and above my ears, so I know both extremes. Short hair is not flattering on me, and extremely long hair isn't either.

As for guys and their preferences, it doesn't even enter into what I decide to do with my hair. I'm going to do my own thing with it. :) But I have had more than one guy tell me that they prefer long hair. I've always thought it was a biological thing---most hetero men are probably attracted to women that have different characteristics than they do, and that instinct is stronger in some guys than in others. Since more of the female population has long hair than the male population, this might be the case. :) I don't pretend to know the answer, but I can only hazard a guess.

[u4ic]

25. It's not just men

I was around a group of elderly women last week, and they all commented on my hair, that it was good to see women with long hair again, that they didn't like short hair on women (of course, they all had it).

I think it's cultural - the idea that long hair is only feminine. Hair is decorative for both sexes. Do you think early humans had barbers?

Women have rarely had the chance to have short hair throughout time.

I like my hair long(ish) - just below shoulder length - because it looks better on me than short. Whatever anyone else wants to do with their hair is up to them.

[Poiuyt]

26. I'm a man, but I don't like it when it gets longer than this:

[Zookeeper]

37. OMG....

Hair that long would feel like a handicap for me. I can't imagine washing it every day!

[Aristus]

56. She's probably VERY careful when she wipes.

:+

[Starbucks Anarchist]

27. I like both long AND short hair on women.

:shrug:

[crim son]

28. I've heard so many times how men like the long hair

even long, gray hair framing a wrinkled old face. I think for many people the long hair makes you look much older. HOWEVER in light of my impending singlehood I've been growing out my hair for no reason other than it gets a lot of attention. With men, I like any hair except the military cut and even that's okay if the man has a nicely shaped face/head (so often not the case, alas). In Maine there are a lot of rather large gentlemen who've shaved off their hair, or have it cut really, really close. I think it makes them look like giant eggs.

[Porcupine]

58. bald guy with a ponytail is NOT pretty.

been there, done that until I saw a video of me from the rear. My hair's been short since.

[KG]

30. for me, short hair on women rocks!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

31. Hair today, gone tomorrow

I like when people do whatever they damn well please with their hair.

But that's just me.

[Deja Q]

32. Long vs short

Long:


Medium:



Short:


Gotta say longer is better, but medium ain't so bad either!

Dunno why. Maybe it is a preprogrammed genetic thing?

[GirlinContempt]

33. It's a communist plot.

[OllieLotte]

35. I know the answer!

Most of us guys don't look that closely. So when you judge yourself you are being more critical then most guys would be. We generally don't look that closely.

[hyphenate]

39. That's good to know

However, I've seen the whole thing played out before, more than once. I think it's true that women look good at any hair length, depending on head shape and other things. It just always grated on me that the men I knew thought they should have a say in how long their SOs hair was.

My brother is, however, a good example of the opposite of the control freaks. My SIL recently had colorectal cancer and went through both chemo and radiation, and lost clumps of her hair. My brother stayed by her side even when the harshest effects of the treatment were manifested.

[usaftmo]

36. Short hair is better

I just don't like the ever present threat of getting hair in my mouth while sleeping, and especially during quality time in the sack!

[Nikia]

41. I am trying to grow my hair long

I never had hair longer than a little past my shoulders because my mother made me cut it because she said it looked frizzy.
A few years ago, I discovered that expensive shampoo can make a big difference. I have been growing it out but it doesn't seem to grow very fast. I am choosing long hair now because I have wanted the chance to have long hair. For me, choosing short hair for a moment means having to wait years to make the other choice.
I wonder if part of the admiration of long hair by heterosexual men is biological. For example, when I was deep into anorexia, my hair barely grew at all. Long hair might be a sign of health and of being already nourished enough to get pregnant and give birth to a healthy baby.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

42. its easier for me to keep my hair long...its less expensive and i dont have to style it

i like either super short hair on women or very long hair.

i like long hair on men.

its a cultural expectation in india to have long hair for women. but my grandmother recently cut hers short and everyone thinks she looks much better

[KitchenWitch]

44. believe it or not, my hair takes less maintenence when it is long

If it is short, I have to spend countless hours drying and styling it because I have wavy hair. When it is long all I do is brush it, and sometimes put it in a ponytail or french twist.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

45. i believe it. i have wavy/curly hair which is easier to maintain when longer.

[KitchenWitch]

48. And your hair is gorgeous! As are you!

:hi:

[raccoon]

46. Most of my life I haven't had long hair. I'd say it depends on the

person--some look better with long, some with short.

Two things I don't like about long hair on myself. It takes too long to dry. It gets in the way. I don't like the way I look with my hair pulled back.

[AngryAmish]

47. I like short hair.

(And please do not attack me again for my personal preference. Thank you.)

It has been my observation that women with short hair tend to be better looking, that is everything else excluding hair.

[last_texas_dem]

49. I disagree to a point

I know you may have been kidding anyway about the "double standard" thing (I assumed this 'cause of the smiley icon!) but I disagree about there being a double standard. Yeah, there probably are more men who prefer longer hair on women. I've heard biological explanations for this, but I'd bet much of it is cultural as well. (More women have long or longer hair; men like what they see= more men like women with long hair.) At the same time, though, I think there are definitely more women (in fact, it may be an even larger majority than the number of men who like long hair on women) who prefer men to have short hair. (And I think this has gotten even more extreme in the last decade or so with the swing towards super short hair being so common for men.)

The reason I think the issue of hair length presents even more complications for men is because men have to deal with more pressure from society and places of employment regarding hair length. I have worked at a couple of places where women were allowed to have their hair any length that they wanted, including stereotypically "male" lengths, while men were restricted from having it touch the ears (at one place) and past the collar (at the other). And facial hair was out of the question... Additionally, I think that society has no problem stereotyping long-haired men, while it seems like short hair styles on women (especially older women) is generally tolerated. It's just a little odd to me, considering that men being expected to have short hair seems to be a relatively recent phenomenon (I've heard it wasn't really commonplace until during the World War I-era); it has somehow managed to become the only "accepted" style in the business world and among the "silent majority." Women, on the other hand, are permitted to have a variety of styles and still have the approval of society in general and not face discrimination in hiring or at work. (I do want to add, though, that I'm not trying to say women have it easier than men; I know there are many areas where progress definitely needs to be made. I just think this that concerning this particular issue- acceptable hair length- women actually have more options than men.)

[Burma Jones]

51. My Daughter missed two days of school last week with head lice

my wife had it too.....This is a big pain in the tuchus. They, and their nits, are gone now, but we have to be vigilant for weeks...

I am all for short hair now.......Short hair doused with rosemary oil.....

[azmouse]

52. I don't look good with long hair.

I like it about shoulder length at the longest. As long as I'm happy with my hair my husband is happy.

Honestly, I don't think men even notice a woman's hair that much as long as it's a color and style that look attractive on the woman in question.

[legally blonde]

53. I think it just depends on what looks best on you

some people look great with short hair, others look better with longer hair. I usually have my hair about shoulder length or a little shorter. Its been longer and shorter, with lots of variation in between. I've decided that shoulder length looks best on me, although I would like it a little longer. But, I have very fine, thin hair that does not look good long (it ends up being a tangled, stringy mess).

edit: typo

[Sequoia]

54. Where I live now:

1) Hairdresser asked me if my husband knew I was getting my hair cut real short.

2) Older white women (40s and 50s) have long hair in the style of the 1960s.

3) I was sort of told I wouldn't get promoted in my job with short hair.

People here have a freaky attitude about long hair. As a child I had black hair to my waist. Went to a boarding school and the adults whacked it off to my jaw line. I don't have long hair because:

1) Too much comes out and looks like snakes which clog the drain

2) Covering grey is bothersome

3) Short, sassy and perky for me.

But when it was long, it was thick and beautiful and all the girls were very jealous and would put gum in it...Sixth grade or so.

As for men....stop with the 1910 ceral bowl haircut...you are not sexy looking. Also, the military haircut has got to go...boring. Grow your hair a little and enjoy it while you can.

[IntravenousDemilo]

55. We talking drapes or carpet here?

;)

[Porcupine]

57. OUCH!!!

:rofl:

You do know how to get in trouble around here.

[leftofthedial]

59. I don't care if it's short or long

I'm just not into weird hair

[InvisibleTouch]

60. I remember being about 4 years old...

... and walking through a mall with my parents around Christmastime. Up ahead of us was a young woman with long blonde hair down to her butt (this was in the early 70's). I said, "That's how long I want my hair to be!" And it has been, most of my life. I've had outright arguements with my mother (who has short hair, which for the record I think looks awful on her), trying to force me to cut it and "do something different" - but it's none of her business. Has nothing to do with what men like or don't like - it's the way I like it.

[NewJeffCT]

61. I wish my wife would cut her hair shorter

I think she looks terrific because she has such a pretty face and high cheekbones, too. However, she prefers it long.

I've thought long hair can get in the way when you're making out with a woman, though. And, if you're sleeping together and roll over onto her long hair, it could result in some painful accidental hair pulling.

[Redstone]

62. On account of cause it's purty.

It's that simple.

Redstone

[Lautremont]

64. I think many men (of which I am one)

like their wives to grow their hair long, then cut it short, then grow it long, then cut it short...

It's like having several different wives, particularly if different colourings and styles are tossed into the mix.

[PVnRT]

67. Well, I'm not normally physically attracted to black women, am I racist?

Some men just like long hair, others don't. What the hell is the big deal?

[Le Taz Hot]

68. I'm not sure I'd make the connection that

just because a man prefers long hair that it automatically falls that he's pressuring his woman to wear her hair long.

I've had long hair most of my life with a few episodes of "fuck it, cut it all off" times. I prefer long hair because:

- I don't have to "fix" it to go out.
- I'm over 50 and it drives the fashionistas and conformists crazy.
- My husband requests it and seeing as how he rarely asks anything of me, on the rare occasion he does request something, I try my best to comply.
- I trim it myself so I save TONS of money avoiding styling salons.
- I don't have to buy hair spray, mousse, gel, or hair dye, again, saving me lots of loot.

Just for the record, I prefer men with long hair but short hair was never a deal-breaker in my dating days.

[schmuls]

69. Ha! years ago, in the early 70's in a bar, a man said to me "you

aren't too bad, but I don't like short hair". I just smiled, but now I would say..."!@#$%^&*^%)*&$#!!!!!" he he ;^]

[schmuls]

70. I once was told that men like long hair on women because it

feels so good when it touches their balls!